haix

haix..some things are really better to be left unknown..truth always hurts..a line that is always true..though truth does brightens up life at times..that is rare..went back to visit my old opendiary..then visited my frens' od..the old links..neglected them ever since i got a blog..this period of time i have blogged..plus the whole of 2004 that i have only visited my own diary less than 5 times..can you imagine how much i have missed out from those fren's update? i really feel like crying...dunno why also..just feeling very very emotional..though i know my sec3 and 4 years were not filled with wonderful memories..i still have nice classmates..and for my closest sec 3 fren.. i haven seen her for 2 years..or is it longer?really drifted away..went to read her od just now..read many entries at a go..trying to catch up all i have missed..not that i must be there for her..but i thought i could have been...and i am really guilty for not being there..maybe it is not too late to catch up with her now..just hope that we will be meeting up really soon..went To yj's od also..dun think she will ever come across this blog...cos i never leave any note in her diary..reading what she has written did not surprise me..in fact i knew that is how she has been feeling all along..and i have just been avoiding and avoiding..guess she is doing the same.. but why are things like this? i dunno.. and i am too lazy to find out..why am i having this attitude? becos of her attachment to ck?becos i think that she no longer treasure us? her entry about "dun feel like meeting us" just hurts..though i felt extra whenever i try to ask her out..i was not hurt cos i thought i was just thinking too much..in fact..i felt angry..angry at her for treating us as 'secondary'..always using her mum as an excuse..hey come on.. i really dun think that your mum is so strict and strigent especially when you are coming out with us.. understand you can be busy..but please..dun use ur mum as an excuse..it is not as if i dunno her..dun use my understanding and empathy often and take them for granted k..now that you have admitted it in your od..admitted that you dun feel like going out with us..thinking that i am never going to read it..you are wrong.. or maybe..you wanted me to read it..you wanted me to know..is it really the case? you want me to know?why dun we just talk? over the phone? meet up? whatever also can..it is only a matter of whether we want..or rather.. i should say..whether you have the time..if i haven called you yesterday..you would have forgotten about the shopping trip i have asked you about..the tone you gave me over the phone gave you away..i want and hope you can understand that your boyfren is NOT EVERYTHING! you might think that i am jealous of your relationship by saying this..but if you really want to think it that way..put me in that light and think that hf and i object to your relationship..i am disappointed..utter disappointment is it..i just want you to know that we are genuinely happy that you have found him..but..please put yourself in our shoes if you still treasure the frenship..we dun mind you talk to us about him..in fact i will be happy to share your bliss and sweetness of the relationship if you are willing to tell..but..please..when you are out with us..make us feel that you want to be here and not that you have to be here.. if you are feeling this way..i rather you dun come..it might sound really harsh but really..what is the point of meeting up everytime when you will be pressing your phone every now and then..looking through your files and stuff when we are meeting to shop..ya..i understand that you are busy...but it is not as if we are meeting everyday..all i am asking for is that you can set aside time...allocate your time wisely..dun be present without your heart..it just pisses me off..there is only so much that i will try..i hope you feel it..guess i should get you to read this entry..if not..guessing games and misunderstandings will soon follow..i have no energy for that. ARH!