Just another day

Okie.. i only have 1o mins to type whatever i have to say,cos i will have to pass on to mu younger brother.

Ever since i have quitted from nyp,there is only one word to describe my life--- SLACK. Maybe another word to describe my attitude-- Lazy. I can simply sit down on my bed and stone for as long as half an hour. Record high sia! I do not know why, earlier on this week was a bit of hell..though i should be enjoying myself slacking, i do not know why, but i was ultra moody. Did not feel like doing anything at all. Seriously nothing gets my attention.

Nothing.

It was only these two days that i start to have the mood to go out. I knew i have to, before i go mad. I do not know what was bothering me,but i seriously did not feel good. Now i know how people sink into depression..haha.. for no reason sometimes. Luckily i ran away..from whatever i was unhappy about..

Luckily.

Happy to actually meet up with my ex-colleagues. Watched A lot like love.. a pretty good movie.Felt abit stupid as i was initially against watching this movie.. sorry peeps.. haha.. it was not bad! i enjoyed the show! =)

Maybe due to my short-temperness these days and with the prejudice against her, i openly declared my piss-off-ness today. guess i have never really liked her in the first place, and today, she stepped on my toes. though she can be nice, that is only sometimes.. yup.. shall not bitch anymore.. enough.

dOUbts

Hmm.. what kind of a person am i? What kind of first impression did i give people who just know me. I am seriously thinking about this issue these few days. It is not that i am very very bothered about how others look at me, but at least, the impression they got of me is important for me to know what signals i am sending out. And whether i realise that i am actually doing so.

Being easy-going is something i start to hate about myself. I realise that when i take the neutral stand for too long a period, i am being taken for granted gradually. And now, i have problems speaking up sometimes. Silence definitely does not mean consent for me now. Maybe it is time that i start to be more assertive, not in the sense of being demanding, but more of getting my point, what i believe across to whomever it concerns. I also don't know when does this pretty submissve nature starts to develop in me. As compared to the Ailin 7 years ago.. there is such a big disparity! Oh gosh..can i be in between? Maybe i should try..starting from today. It is alright to be easy-going, but, not too easy-going!

Whenever we do things, should we always follow our heart? Should we do whatever we feel like doing whenever we want? Even when it might be an impulse? Guess it might be good if i don't think so much.

Hope to see you again.

Holidays are here..finally

Friday,20th jun, marks the start of my holiday!!haha..Quited from my nyp job on monday and went to volunteer my service for the disabled kids. Though it is a really tired three days..all the befreinders get our share of happiness and joy that simply words cant describe.

Very Special Arts- Tropicana Camp 2005

All the befrienders and camp crew met on monday afternoon. We played some simple ice breaker games to know each other better. I was in octopus and my team-mates consists of Su,Zaki,Guofeng,YiRu,WeiShan and PeiQi.. They are either current or ex nyp students,or smu/nie students..so..people of my age! haha.. Really glad to know them.. But it was a pretty embarrassing start for me during the ice-breaker because we were supposed to carry people and get carried by people to go over to the other side of the hall before we can do the activities.. and so..being the tallest and i supposed biggest gal in the team,i felt so self conscious and really scared to burdened any of my team-mates..just as i was worrying..i was approached by one of my team-mate to be piggy-back! Oh gosh! It was like how many years ago since i was piggy-backed..So paiseh!!!!i hesitated but after some consideration and with some assurance,i decided to give it a try..In the end, the 2 of us went on a trial run before anyone else..and that's when the attention was on us! All befrienders saw me being piggy-backed! gosh..so so so paiseh..nonetheless, i was really thankful to my fren who offered his help.. =)

Other than feeling lucky for what i am and have today,i really really do not know how to describe my feelings towards the kids i met. Jing Kang left the deepest impression among the other kids simply because he showed the most progress in the three days..being one of the kids diagnosed with down syndrome,he changed from someone who was scared of the crowd and befrienders to one who grew attached to us and was willing to be carried by us when we were not the direct befriender assigned to him.

Being a totally normal person, i admit that we will tend to look at these kids from another angle,thinking that there are alot of things that they do not know,will not know or need not know..This camp was really an eye opener for me to get a step closer to their world, to understand the fact that many of them are actually just like us, with only one small element missing/extra in them that result in who they are today. At first, i was still quite apprehensive as to how am i going to handle the kids, but after the camp, i declare that they are not that tough to handle and i love them!! haha..they are really nice and innocent kids who really need our attention and time. To some of us, it might just be a cip camp that helps to clock cip hours, but to them, it was a fun-filled camp that added spices to their lives..i am glad to have went for the camp.

Joel, being the most active in octopus, is one that i love and hate at the same time. He is as stubborn as a mule, but when a need arises, he rise up to the occasion to be a helpful and sensible boy. He brought laughter for most of us. A really cute boy who has

Sarah,other than being abit dreamy sometimes, is a really nice companion and kid to look after. Ever so obedient and soft-spoken. You have got to get closer to her by talking more to her before she will actually open up to you. Her gentleness and innocence really attracts me..

Sammuel, though not from my team, is another cutie who ask me this when i carried him..

"Are you a girl? i like to be with girls"

I really laughed my head off when i heard that.. maybe that explains why he did not gave me much problems during the short time frame i spent with him.

Alana, the girl whom i was taking care of most of the time, is another smart girl who grasp new ideas and concepts really fast. Other than her disability to walk, she is just like any other children we have encountered..able to talk and chat with me freely about anything..enjoyed her company and hope she too..

It is going to be never ending if i continue down the list..in short, i have gained alot from this camp and the kids have really touched my heart..

May i wish that all baby octopus grow up fast and healthy.. and may all the big octopus take care and keep in touch! Really nice to meet you guys.

Last

Yep, today is my last day of work... last day to be blogging using this com.. think i'll miss my nice collegues who helped me throughout this half a year here.. miss them for the fun and games we have created and made using our creative methods. Good luck to all and hope this leaving will not mark a stop to our friendship. take care!

Sparks 3!

i jumped out of my bad this morning just to get to work for my last half day. Guess this lethargy and laziness are just part and parcel of the post concert syndrome..though everything had come to a beautiful ending..all was just like a dream to me..i am dying of exhaustion..but with great happiness..ironic, but ya, i am still feeling quite "high".

Before i can feel the time ticking away, it was our turn to go up on stage and tune..the crowd was warm and spontaneous...this simply increase the excitment that was already inside me way before the concert. Smses also kept coming in..really touched by those friends who cant make it but still bother and remember to msg their well wishes :)

So glad that everything went well. From the rehearsal to the actual performance, there was this burning excitement that cant be expressed.. i felt excited that our concert was finally here. Excited that my parents were coming to watch my performance after so many years. Excited that my friends and juniors were coming. Excited that what we have practised are to be played correctly and together. Excited that i want to ensure that everything around me is carried out smoothly. Excited to help all members in whichever way i can. Excited to see ms chan's reaction when she got the presents from us.

Got on the stage finally. The crowd was good.. cos they never fail to heighten my emotions further.. Think the excitment and nervousness got over me..and my bell was somehow blocking my score and everything was so dreamy suddenly. In the end, i ended up as a peeping tom peeping at xinru's score instead of the file i was sharing with xinran. Haha.. felt funny. The alumni concert was well received and i am really really proud of all members.. with special thanks to all the soloists! They rock! They played a major role in bringing the concert to greater heights and moving the crowd to sway with the music. Job well done! =)

Everything ended really quickly..i did not want to get off stage though i knew i have too.. never did i ever realise that i like to perform so much. The satisfaction gained from playing with a good band is really gratifying..Being under the baton of an outstanding conductor is also really rewarding..i love u,alumni band!

All of us reported back to yuhua and watched our own performace's video...satisfied..but i'll still be patiently waiting for the recording that will definitely sound better and clearer..Met up with the rest of the section to go to our usual place for dinner. Really appreciate my section who came all the way to yuhua to wait for us..happy! As usual.. it was a bubbly session and a big family gathering..the kopi tiam trip was more hilarious than our usual ones due to the emergence of a kopi gia in the section.."ah lai" was the phrase of the day.. really funny.. even till now, the line and the many incidents that were associated with the "ah lai, sio", are still fresh in my head. Amused.

Think i am going to miss felix and wenwei if we are to have the next concert. They are really nice and interesting people to have in our section. Felix is talented and crazy.. wenwei is crappy and nice to talk to.. enjoy their company.. and of course, i still have dear xinru ad sin pei..the two who are always there for me..as for the twins.. they have been great juniors too.. only for the fact that they never join us for dinner-- anti-social!

Through sparks 3, i got a chance to know more people and to understand those i have already known better. Found myself a sister! haha.. kai lin! A really nice and cute sister. Bubbly and spontaneous in helping out and doing things. Enjoyed her company alot especiallly during the two shopping trips we had.. thanks sister! Xinran- a really sensible and nice junior to play my pieces with. Straight-forward and cute.. guess girls same age as him or younger might be falling heads and heels over him..haha..have been working with azri and nasser..not to say sin pei and bella..great people who gave me new perspectives about being leaders and functioning of things. Think i am in love with being in the band.. yupz..

Hope to hear good news soon.

Sore throat! it is coming back-to and fro..making me sick and irritated.
I have been drinking alot of water..guess i need to sleep more..
back to my usual belief-
sleeping is the best medicine most illness

ya ya,action speaks louder than words..
u need sleep then u sleep!
but..

never mind

My mind is not really working. I am tired.. ah! Shall stop grumbling.

Hope that by the next entry, i am feeling better.

emotional

Wanted to blog.. then a call came in and he pissed me off..rude,uncivilised,illiterate and most importantly,stubborn,rigid and arrogant. in short, an idioit. Please dun dun dun ever let me answer his call again. He managed to push me to my peak in this 6 months. i am on the verge of tearing, but i am not going to cry just like that. Old bore!

I'm counting down to the final day of my work. Due to the pack schedule i am currently having, i am seriously yearning for a break. Seriously, a break where i can stay at home for just one day, without having anything to do specifically. Though i have always wanted a fulfilled and organised life,i am starting to get tired. Maybe it is due to the hot weather that is making me weak and easily tired and that is the reason for this weariness. I have this strong desire for freedom! Free from everything and anything..Sounds really deprived, but ya,i need it.

I think i am getting back to the times when i get emotional and sensitive. Little things can affect my mood drastically. Little things can make me think,ponder and wonder. Little things can help me remisce. Little things can cheer me up. Little things can upset me. Little things can change me..

Empty

Only a small group of us

a big room with blasting air con..

cold and lethargic

it just seem so empty and

the slow moving clock is not helping!!