Sunday, May 28, 2006

Sotong in dreamland

These few days had been kind of dreamy. Really dreamy. I did not really know what i was doing most of the time. Everything that i did was part of a routine and i just did them as how i was supposed to do them. Sounds really scary but i seriously think i need a break. Ironically, i am having holidays now... What is so tiring is something that puzzles me. I was tired last night,but, i was subconsciously awoke half of the time. Guessed that drained me further. Gosh. If given the chance, i would like to lose my memory for one day and then come back again.

Had a good talk with N that day. Kind of happy after the talk, but things are still not resolved and i seriously think i am the problem. I still cant make up my mind to decide what i want next. A greedy person is an unhappy person.

Mum is back in Malaysia.. and dad is lonely! haha.. no la, just feel that whenever mum is not home, dad will be all alone in his room..especially like yesterday, when all the three of us were out at night, he was all alone at the end of the day, he ended up visiting his sis and chatted with them through the night.. it was kind of a weird feeling for me whenever i see him alone.. so,tried to keep him company by watching tv with him.. mummy come back soon!

Sometimes i am really stupid when it comes to certain things. That is why till now... never mind.. i shall stick to my usual belief--- let nature takes it own course~

Thursday, May 25, 2006

3 jobs in 2 weeks

Had been job hopping and trying my luck to find a nice part time job that can accommodate me and my jumbled schedule with inter-sem lessons, band practices and tuition classes..

"Jobs are hard to find"

Such statements are pure excuses that i have used in the past. Hah. After lowering my expectations and putting in the effort to find a job, i managed to come across offers and widen my scope in my view and perspective of the world out there.

I did a CATI job with wen and i supposed i am still in the job as i haven get my pay no matter how meagre. It is a telephone surveyer job in which i got to call households using the phonebook and i am paid on a per survey basis. So far, i have only completed 13 surveys in 2 sessions. The own time own target flexibility allowed me to mia whenever i want. Hah. This hence allowed me to have the ease of going around trying new jobs and offers to see if i can take up.

Through my friend's recomendation, i went to interview for a event's coordinator's job which i went to work for 2 days. Now that i have seen their daily operations, i cleared my doubts and decided to leave. No offence to my friend who recommended me the job, but i think i am not suitable due to its outdoor nature and its long hours of operations that drain me from doing other things. Guess i am most probably not going back to the company.

Went for a cafe job interview and got the job already. Guess i am more suited for indoor working environment. My eye infection is slightly better.. but still got to rest a while more,sigh. The cafe environment was good and due to it being a new business, i forsee good prospects.. hAh.. Hope i am up to the job as when it comes to f&b, i am still a newbie..

Really tired out these few days. Lost track of all the days and dates. Shall take a good break before i start work once again =)

OG outing last week
OG gathered for our 'banana man' 's birthday. Guess he just have the ultimate influence on all of us being our big brother OGL. Every single one of us gave face and turned up to celebrate for him. All those (including myself), who have been mia-ing, turned up and stayed almost throughout the whole meeting. As such, the OG outing had been rather successful just that most of the seniors were busy. But for junior OG, full attendance! =) Though everything seems good and fun, i got myself into trouble with banana man. haha. Just hope that i can survive senior's camp free from his clutches. hah..

What are ethics and how do we define them? I suppose they differ person to person and i have high expectations for myself. Maybe i am idealistic, but whatever that is against my personal principles i simply cant bring myself to do it. I do not know if they are totally wrong, they have their rights and beliefs, but i am sorry, i just cant cross that personal barrier. Nonetheless, they are nice people whom i enjoyed being around with- so cranky and so fun to be with. But still, i choose to leave.. will miss u guys lots~

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Wanted to spend my holidays usefully-- so i took up the special term paper

Wanted to work and save more money during this holidays-- Looking for jobs with good pay and flexi-hours.

How to have the best in both worlds? Naive!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Really happy to have met up with xxx today.You made my day! *Muackx* I didnt know why i lied to xxxx and xxx but the words just came out naturally when they asked the same question. Hah.. It is ok, that was a white lie, you guys will know it in a few days time.

Have been feeling down these few days. Maybe this is what i call 'prolonged p-m-s-ing'. I think it has a great deal to do with...never mind.. I know that things are different and hence the feeling is also different. The silent understanding that once existed is now gone. Whatever i did not say in the past, was felt and understood with that pleasant silence. But now, i have got to speak up, and by doing so,it is not doing anyone any good. So, i have decided to shut up. I have decided to give up. I might be looking at things in a rather extreme manner, but at the end of the day, my effort is kind of extra and not needed. So, what is the point of wasting my time and effort? I rather spend my time elsewhere. I have come to the conclusion that I will not give more than what I can take. A really selfish thinking I should say, but true enough, I have been disappointed. Actions always speak louder than words, so, say no more. I observe and I see. I feel and I sense. Whatever that was done, though minor, meant alot to me. Those intangible and little understanding and consideration are things that i have always treasured and appreciated. Now that they are not there, I am sad. All these are driving me away, I am seriously considering leaving. Though there are others whom i love to see and talk to, they are incomparable to those things that are pushing me away. Can I get away with that obligation?

Have you ever feel ever so alone even though you seem to have so so many friends in your phone directory?

No doubt that there are many contacts stored in my phone, when i needed to find someone to really vent out the agitation and irritation those things are causing me, the list shrank so much to almost nothing. I thought that no one would be so free to be there for all those grumbles, no one would be able to understand the dilemma and no one would be able to know how to help me because whatever advice that comes in will most probably be what i have derived myself. Contracdictory? My point is just that, at the end of the day, there is only me and myself to be depended on.

How best are the friends you used to call best friend? Never mind, i shall stop here before i brood and spoil my head further. Shall continue indulging myself in MARs again.

Thursday, May 04, 2006


Rocks.. It has been so long that i have been 'absorbed' into a show. The last was 'Winter Sonata'. i was so bothered and into the show that i was depressed for a few weeks. I can foresee 'Mars' doing that to me now. I didnt expect myself to be captivated my Zai zai. Hah.. surprise surprise..

Really touched by it. There have been nice shows around recently, like Da Chang Jing, Zhi Zun Hong Yan and stuff.. but, this is different. Shall let myself indulged in it and enjoy the immersion of the real and yet unreal plots once again.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Job Alert

Think i am willing to take up any jobs that come along as long as the hours are flexible. Went to Conrad Hotel for a banquet waitressing job. Think will just take it up for the time being. Accumulate more experience before i really step into the workforce.

Still keeping a lookout on that kind of over-the-counter sales job where i can see more people so that i will not be bored with nothing to do. heh.. shall find one soon~