Finally feel like writing

Read a friend's blog just now.. Motivated me to write after slacking for so long. . School has started, my supposed new life has began.One month before it actually starts, i was looking forward to it as i think i will have a more routined and fun life meeting new people. Two weeks before it starts, i start to regret wasting my time.. started to hope that i have more time to spend before school starts.. woman cant help but be contradicting sometimes huh?

Now that i am finally in school, things are really overwhelming i can say. The school is not very very big, neither is it small.. but running around can be trdious sia.. one minute i am at the north spine enjoying my terriyaki chicken don, the next i am quickening my foot steps to go to the photocopying room at south spine to print my lecture notes as the photocopying room in the north spine library was too crowded.. Before i know it, my forehead is wet.. drips of persperation ran down my cheeks.. Cant the whole school be air-conned? was what xiao hong exclaimed that amused me..

Every printing room was so so crowded la.. and my new printer only arrived today.. the past few days were pretty shitty.. being a big big computer illiterate, the high tech ntu portal was kinda a mystery sometimes.. just like today, fang and i purposefully went to school early for brunch and then print notes from the online system.. in the end, with both of us being lousy with the system and foreign to the library operations, we decided to sos and call for help. Luckily, got xiao hong to lend us notes to photocopy. Guess photocopying machine is still my favourite.. though the cons is the need for cash card.. which i dunno where to get in the big campus. . like yesterday, i first pestered my ogl for the location of a nearest photocopying room then msg him again to ask for cash card purchase and so on.. bleah.. finally got my cashcard today.

Kk.. enough grumblings.. super duper high expenditure this week.. so many things that need money, money and more money..textbooks, lecture notes, applications for this and that...pheww~~cant stand it..hope to settle down soon..

Lectures were ok till today's stats lec.. wah.. firstly.. the indian slang of the lecturer does not help..sorry but i am not being racist here.. but the dry and theoritical stats lec was really super boring and monotonous..cant understand certain parts cos it was difficult.. then the speed and the slang of the lecturer and the heaty afternoon simply combined forces and made things worse.. the two hours felt like four..yee...tutorial starts next week.. hopefully will meet nice people as i have not found anyone in the same tutorial class as me yet! Got to get separated from fang and my og biz mates le..only can be together in lectures.. keeping my fingers cross..

consiDEr and thInk prOPerly

Can u please make up ur mind what u want? Though some things cannot be explained rationally,they still need to be sorted out ya? Maybe you are too rational and just cannot abandone your thoughts to your feelings. There is fear, there is anticipation and there are worries. One step at a time? You want to move on and maybe away. You know you need to anyway... You are scared that you got too used to it that it will be too late to say goodbye. You can sense that you are getting used to it. Days when you get nothing, you will hope for something. Days when you get something, there will be a faint smile and tinge of happiness and joy.But still, there will be period of time when you want to hold back. Are you being abit selfish here? Follow your heart is what people say. But how easy is that? Think your are a troublesome person, think much,act slow and react weird. Stupid gal. Please let all anticipation and stop wasting people's time. Leave each other alone? Time is the best pulling agent. Ya. Shall be it.
Let nature takes its course?

UOC Camp 2005

6 days 5 nights camp over in a twinkle of an eye..

Weariness was one thing and fun was another. I am really glad to have known a group of friends who are nice and fun to hang out with. Nice freshies, nice Ogls, fun activities and most importantly, the friendship i have found. Though i am not too sure whether our friendship will and can last, at least i quite like my og people...as well as my seniors who took great care of us..

Guess this camp had exposed me to quite alot of things and people.. guess uni life is going to be a big jump for me.. hope i can really grow up soon..haha. The most exciting thing i have done will be the dive i have taken from the platforn that is 5 metres tall from the ground. i actually managed to jump into the pool successfully without experiencing much pain..it was so so scary that i could felt my heart skip a beat and dropped down the 5 metres.. phew~

Another point event worth remembering will be the wlak through the canal or rather long kang when we got to see the dirty canal and the weird scribblings on the wall.. where on earth will we get a chance to walk and explore the underground canal in singapore unless you are in the army?

I also like the last two days that we spent at changi aloha chalet.. it was so so so shiock to have a chalet of our own with four big rooms,one kitchen, one dining room, three toilets and a big living room all to ourselves.. shuang! haha

One thing that i feel numb about the camp is the need for guys and gals to get pair up almost all the time..this is so true especially when we play games..the close contact we get huh.. really makes me so paiseh and self conscious sometimes..dunno whether it is a good thing or not. One thing is that now i am not so scared of guys, but second thing will be that we are not that close to get close.. sounds funny.. but ya.. i feel as if i have been through a sdu camp..haha.. it is like a secret agenda of the uni to actually pair people up for the rest of their lives.. funny...but one good thing that i seriously feel good abt is the fact that the guys in my group are all pretty gentlemanly and are really thoughful and nice.. applause to them..haha. the gals are nice too..got innocent ones..got cute ones.. also have pretty ones..

Another big thing that happen was the disclose of the fake freshie truth.. from day 0 of the camp onwards, there have been a fake freshman in all the groups and for my group, we were the most innocent and naive to not know this and trusted this supposed senior as real freshman and fren.. phew... to learn the fact that he is actually a senior pretending to be freshie is like a slap in the face and we felt so cheated.. gosh.. wat a joke to play la.. but luckily, the bonds made manage to diffuse all anger and exasperation that make the truth acceptanle after a while.. now, it is actually a good topic to discuss and decide to let which of us pretend as a freshie next year if we are to take over..

However, through this camp, i have found out another saddening fact about myself-- lousy at conversations and quiet when i am with a new group of friends. I am always slow to warm up and interact with new people.. stumble and fell over my words when talking to cute people..dreaming and wondering off when my frens are talking.. in the end, i became blur and not sure of what was going on. *dotz*

Anyway, hope to keep in touch with this group of friends..

=(

Received a call from my cousin yesterday. Calls from malaysia are usually filled with warm greetings and pleasant updates. But for yesterday, i heard a quiver in her voice- the anxiety and fear all compressed in a cool and trying-to-be calm voice. I sensed that something was not right,and she said it was regarding grandma and she wants to talk to mummy. Questions after questions start to zoom into my mind.. what happen to my dear granny who is supposed to celebrate her 84th birthday with all of us this sat? Is she alright? What is going on? I was sure that jie was not calling to ask about the celebration...wai po!!!

Due to the clash of events on the 9th of july, i was not able to go back to malaysia. Initially i was only a little guilty for not making myself available for that day and had already prepared my present for her.. now that granny has collapsed and is a little semi-conscious, i feel so guilty and unfilial. She is the only grandma i have seen and interacted since young, living far away from her is already a disincentive to treat her well.. what am i doing!!!

Now it is suddenly clear to me that the thought of losing someone dear to you is so painstaking that your heart seems to be bumping round in a moment and stopping in another. Cant take it. I am going back to malaysia with ma later. I want to see wai po.

Went for a jog just now, felt slightly better. On my way round my neighbourhood, i saw so many grannies doing their morning exercise. Every single one of them reminds me of her. She was also like them, healthy and beautiful, always wakes up early in the morning and you can see her moving round the house helping out with some light household chores. Why is life so fragile and everything so sudden? I really hope that she will be well really soon...please...

(+_+)

Went for VSA camp

Rearranged most of my photos neatly in my com--next will be to develop them

Cut my hair

Cleared my room-- but it seems to be getting dirty once again..vicious cycle.. alamak

Went to Malaysia to meet Sis Coco

Met up with primary school friends

Went to alumni bbq

Went Sentosa to slack--does tanned people gets tanned more easily? i turned dark even when i stay in the shade the whole day and when the sun was out only at 1pm? gosh..

Surf the net almost everyday

Went out with mummy..

Accompanied daddy to the doc

Shopping and more shopping trips and kbox outings

idol chasing? haha..

giving tuition--what's new?

jogging..swimming--irregular..but i shall try my best!

whatelse? hmmm..

Hmm..after breaking from work since the 13th.. i think it is time for me to reflect on what i have done these weeks so as to better gauge if i am really wasting my youth away..haha. looks like i am not fully maximising my time.. and the things that i want to do are not all done..shall swear to come online less and do more constructive things..

Counting down to 9th july-- a day where ALL nice and fun activities are to take place.. and for me.. i have got to choose.. why cant they be spread out more evenly since i am so free nowadays? Sian!! Cant go for VSA camp as it is going to be a whole day's activities..going to miss the kids and the befrienders..not going for the oac elections cos i am giving tuition in the afternoon..cant go back to grandma's birthday celebration since i have spent money preparing myself to go for EG's concert at the National Indoor Stadium..sorry wai po, wo ren mei dao,dan shi wo de zhu fu he li wu dou hui dao.. and i shall be going for the alumni meeting in the afternoon at yuhua.. hopefully will get to see all if not most of the alumni..