Received a call from my cousin yesterday. Calls from malaysia are usually filled with warm greetings and pleasant updates. But for yesterday, i heard a quiver in her voice- the anxiety and fear all compressed in a cool and trying-to-be calm voice. I sensed that something was not right,and she said it was regarding grandma and she wants to talk to mummy. Questions after questions start to zoom into my mind.. what happen to my dear granny who is supposed to celebrate her 84th birthday with all of us this sat? Is she alright? What is going on? I was sure that jie was not calling to ask about the celebration...wai po!!!
Due to the clash of events on the 9th of july, i was not able to go back to malaysia. Initially i was only a little guilty for not making myself available for that day and had already prepared my present for her.. now that granny has collapsed and is a little semi-conscious, i feel so guilty and unfilial. She is the only grandma i have seen and interacted since young, living far away from her is already a disincentive to treat her well.. what am i doing!!!
Now it is suddenly clear to me that the thought of losing someone dear to you is so painstaking that your heart seems to be bumping round in a moment and stopping in another. Cant take it. I am going back to malaysia with ma later. I want to see wai po.
Went for a jog just now, felt slightly better. On my way round my neighbourhood, i saw so many grannies doing their morning exercise. Every single one of them reminds me of her. She was also like them, healthy and beautiful, always wakes up early in the morning and you can see her moving round the house helping out with some light household chores. Why is life so fragile and everything so sudden? I really hope that she will be well really soon...please...
3 comments:
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