Really happy to have met up with xxx today.You made my day! *Muackx* I didnt know why i lied to xxxx and xxx but the words just came out naturally when they asked the same question. Hah.. It is ok, that was a white lie, you guys will know it in a few days time.

Have been feeling down these few days. Maybe this is what i call 'prolonged p-m-s-ing'. I think it has a great deal to do with...never mind.. I know that things are different and hence the feeling is also different. The silent understanding that once existed is now gone. Whatever i did not say in the past, was felt and understood with that pleasant silence. But now, i have got to speak up, and by doing so,it is not doing anyone any good. So, i have decided to shut up. I have decided to give up. I might be looking at things in a rather extreme manner, but at the end of the day, my effort is kind of extra and not needed. So, what is the point of wasting my time and effort? I rather spend my time elsewhere. I have come to the conclusion that I will not give more than what I can take. A really selfish thinking I should say, but true enough, I have been disappointed. Actions always speak louder than words, so, say no more. I observe and I see. I feel and I sense. Whatever that was done, though minor, meant alot to me. Those intangible and little understanding and consideration are things that i have always treasured and appreciated. Now that they are not there, I am sad. All these are driving me away, I am seriously considering leaving. Though there are others whom i love to see and talk to, they are incomparable to those things that are pushing me away. Can I get away with that obligation?

Have you ever feel ever so alone even though you seem to have so so many friends in your phone directory?

No doubt that there are many contacts stored in my phone, when i needed to find someone to really vent out the agitation and irritation those things are causing me, the list shrank so much to almost nothing. I thought that no one would be so free to be there for all those grumbles, no one would be able to understand the dilemma and no one would be able to know how to help me because whatever advice that comes in will most probably be what i have derived myself. Contracdictory? My point is just that, at the end of the day, there is only me and myself to be depended on.

How best are the friends you used to call best friend? Never mind, i shall stop here before i brood and spoil my head further. Shall continue indulging myself in MARs again.