Sparks 4.2005.12.30

Over. In a twinkle of an eye, the first half ended. Haa.. like i have said, it was very dream-like. I felt a little of that during rehearsal, but it became true in the concert. Guess it must be the platform and the spot light that made everything so so dream-like. Though dreams are beautiful, they are often unclear and blur. That was not really good as this made me blur of what i was playing and confused over what should come out from me. Haa.. Nonetheless, i have enjoyed the concert.. I really do not want this day to end. Seriously.

The day was long.. went to plaza early in the morning to buy some goodies and souvenirs, met sinpei and then we went off to meet my twin outside dunearn sec. Yawns.. that seems like yesterday. haa..

Reached Yuhua on time, started wrapping the souvenir before going around doing and not doing stuff that i should do. Anyway, all was smooth as the buses and lorries arrived and we loaded up and set off for vch.

Running up, going down, running in , running out was what happened to me after that. It lasted for quite some time and finally rehearsal was here! Ms Chan ran through the important parts, we tuned, tried, adjusted and then, my stomach growled. haa.. added into the symphony of noise we were making and i was offered pork from my left. haaa.. okie, not funny, but ya, before long, my seemingly long-awaited dinner was there for me to indulge in!! Yum yum.. Dinner was great! Partly cos i was really hungry, partly cos it was really nice! haha.. thought of it makes me hungry again! muahaha..Apologies to all for the limited water supply as this year we are really on tight budget.. Soon..the real thing was there for us to go..

The crowd was late.. many were streaming in here and there.. But i was glad that at least they were coming in.. hehe.. Before i realised it, the first half was over.. All i rmb was Jason's solo! so so so beautiful! =) Really mesmerising.. wooooo~~~

Interval was hectic.. Hot and frenzy.. haha.. Received this call from a special guest who really managed to surprise me totally! haa.. thanks cheecheemon..for such a pleasant surprise! Really so happy to see you! Though i was a little disappointed initially when u said u cant make it, the fact that u turned up in the end and was even prepared with a flower really really made my day! =) *hugz* Met frankie after that.. haa.. thanks for the choco and the present too!(to fang and kim too!) haha, thanks for coming! hope u guys have enjoyed the concert! hee.. the eggs so cute.. dun feel like eating them! hhaa.. wing, as usual, was a little lagged.. haha.. but the time she was to come in with the rest, the first bell sounded..

Second half came and go as swift as a gust of wind.. haaa.. Love all those pop and light pieces. They definitely helped in bringing the concert to greater heights~Luckily my Sky High remained high after Disco Party III.. I was so worried that my lousy lips will die and bring down the sky.. phew~~ heehee.. Let's Swing was dreamy.. haha.. but it was fun, as in, i was totally into it that i didnt really know what went on.. oopz.. was that good? haha.. nvm...

The concert came to an end.. but my excitment and mood just kept rising.. i was even more overwhelmed when i went out to meet wing, alexis and fabian! Cos, other than the 3 of them, i saw Daniel! wahahah.. another pleasant surprise that made me so happy.. hhaha.. A Really big thank you for coming yea? *hug hug* see you guys tmr!

Other than all mentioned above, of cos i was glad to see beng,shu hui and wenwei.. ade, where art thou! i missed you! thanks for the lao po bing and pineapple cookies! nice nice! haa.. Didnt manage to see jinzhan too.. A note to ah lai, thanks for the effort to make the flowers ah..stylo but they didnt last long..nonetheless, it is the thought that counts! =) Dear kailin, thanks for the flower and letter ya? muacks~

Too much more to be said.. With all these excitement and happiness.. there was more to be expected from me was all that i can say. I know i was not up to expectation, but ya, dun expect too much from me is all i can say?Sound really loser but ya, it is that much that i have tried and gave. Maybe more could have been done, but nvm, all's over.

Love Sparks 4, love section, love all who has supported and helped me all this while. *big hug* nitey.. it is 4.12am now. Time to ZZzzzzzzzzz.. tmr still have to wake up for tution! woshhh~~ hahha. nitez!

Dedicated to you-know-who

hEY.. dunno if you will come to read my blog this time round, but i am dedicating this entry to u for sharing that jing bao news with me on the eve of christmas eve! haa.. hope you know who you are cos you said u dun want your name to be mentioned this time round. I m not going to say that u r shuai or cool or anything to lie to you.. but ya.. i am happy for you! hahaa.. and i am hope i was of some help though i dun think i really helped much. Anyway.. congrats! hahaha.. happy for you! haaaa.. leave me a tag if you read this k, you-know-who.. hahah.. I somehow feel that i shd have left much earlier, cos things did not seem to turn out the way it should be.. but i seriously apologise for any unhappiness resulted due to me k? hope to see you soon and have a Merry christmas!
P.s. dun ask me who is you-know-who, cos no one else is supposed to know other than the 2 of us.. haahaha.. sorry but ya.. nothing too juicy to share too.


For all my dear friends.
Merry Christmas to all out there.. a really quiet christmas for me this year.. but i am glad to have my friends with me all this while. yeah! Silence is bliss too. May all of them have a pleasant new year and a smooth 2006 with their wishes granted. For those attached, may u guys have everlasting and sweet love ahead.. for those singles, dun worry, love will start knocking on ur door in the coming 2006.. hahaa..All the best!

...... ...

Why cant i be more firm and assertive? Guess i need to be , if not, my point will not get across. Argh. Though the holidays are ending soon, I am not really that sad as i am pretty optimistic about the new year. Cannot really explain why, but ya, simply happy. haha..

Met Cheecheemon and gang yesterday. Though a pretty short meeting, it was a nice one as it had been a long time since we gather. Seeing them, i can't help but miss my piglet cos she is our kai xin guo in the group--"piglet, i miss you!"

My 1000 pieces jigsaw is on its way to completion.. haahaa. hopefully i can get it done before the new school term.. cos if not, i will have no space on my table! muahahaa..

Sparks 4 is coming... pretty excited and i am happy that tickets sales are moving! haha.. yeah! hopefully all will turn out well and we will not give ms chan too big a heart attack. hee. To all those who are reading this, if you have not bought the tickets, msg me k? hahaa.. i will reserve tickets for u! Hope to see those who can make it.. =)

hOLs are ending..

Ongoings..
Went to Sentosa on Mon with my section. This is a different section from the one i usually hangs out with. This section is made up of my little juniors and i m the oldest in the crowd! How great a consolation that is for someone turning 20! Gosh.. hanging around with them just made me feels so old.. gosh.. cant stand it. Luckily i had Vicky, who managed to make me feel more at ease.. whahhaa.. No matter where we go, be it the bus stop, walking home, playing by the beach, Vicky and i will be following behind them.. and for the things they do(other than playing beach volley), we will watch them and kind of look out for them-- so much so i feel like a nanny! alamak.. Really cant hang out with them for too long as i will not remain sane. Anyway, i was there for xinran and weiran, who will be leaving Singapore to further studies in Canada at the end of thi month.. thinking that it is the first time they are inviting us for a section outing, i bangsei my classmate and went out with a bunch of kids. woah. One thing to note was that xinran and weiran have also outgrown the kiddy stage and i was glad to be able to catch up with them =) Hope that they will have an enriching time there... Bon voyage, twins!

Back
Mum is finally back from malaysia.. missed her..hahah.. though she was only back for a few days to look after garandma, things were kind of different.. i was so tired out.. haha.. not that i did a lot of housework, but the fact that i need to do the washing and basic maintenance of daily household chores over and above my out-of-house committments is a little hectic. Can totally understand and really admire the formidability of how my mum manage her work and household at the same time.. zai! ahha..was really relieved to hear that grandma is eating and sleeping well nowadays as happiness is the cure to all illness.. as long as she is happy, life will pass by faster and easier~ cant wait to see her back on her feet again =)

Surprise!
haha.. received a long distance call from our beloved and 'wanted' Mr ang.. hahaa.. So responsible and nice of him to actually call just to check and see if everything is going on fine at the tuition center.. No wonder the kids like him so much.. i was so happy to hear from him that for a moment, i thought he was back in Singapore. haha..So envious that it is actually snowing over there and he had conquered mount cook already! Gosh! so zai.. haa..see ya back soon!

Results...school..new semester..
Finally out.. at least the results are much better than what i have expected.. think it always help to be prepared for the worst as the happiness resulted from better outcome is hence greater. wahaha.. Hopefully next sem will be better especially since the modules are supposedly more manageable. Keeping my fingers cross.. MOre are coming in for the next sem, and i guess it is time to get my priorities right once again. i have already decided certain stuff and actions that are going to affect some people.. i m sorry but i sincerely hope to get those involved to respect my choice and decision. Taking up new challenges and letting go of some is a must..

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
This is one of the rare years that i do not have the mood and feel for christmas.. that kind of means i feel tired mentally, i m getting old too..that sounds really bad but fairly true. I have not taken the initiative to organise any christmas gathering but luckily, my pals have all been so nice and spontaneous to organise gatherings that i can attend with no fear of regret over the new year.. haa.. Cant wait to meet up with u guys! A merry christmas and a happy new year to all~

loSt

Kinda lost and don't know how to move on. Interpersonal relationships can be puzzling and hard to handle sometimes. I will not say that i have super good EQ.. but i can say, somebody just don't have it. Really don't know what i can do anymore. I am not feeling helpless, just that things are just not happening the way it should be. I can't bring myself to say that i am not going to bother anymore, but still, there is this lingering thought for me to say goodbye. alamak. I think we need to talk. Nvm

He is coming back again. Can't stand it. I don't want to be unfriendly, and at the same time i am trying hard not to give any wrong impression. All i can say is that every line that i typed or said, was typed with a tinge of disgust, especially when he becomes too friendly. Gosh, aren't i hypocritical? Cant stand it. But just dun want him to think that i am avoiding. But oh please, don't you find it weird to act shou again after so long? Gosh. wake up! Yea, please continue to think that i am busy. Argh.

Can things be spaced out evenly?Please dun let all good/bad things come together.. as i am not too sure how much can this seemingly strong me take. ha. tired.. shall sleep now.

moUnT OpHIR

mOUnt oPhIR

Disapointment. What a word to start commenting on a trip right? I went on the trip with great anticipation, hoping to reach the summit and enjoy the scenery from the mountain top. But, due to the large group size the time we took to scale the mountain is dragged and prolonged. At that rate of scaling, we were unable to reach the summit at the targetted time and get down before dusk. In the end, we ended up scaling only half the mountain,descending earlier than expected. Sigh.. the whole purpose of the trip was defeated. Who to blame??? Mainly the planning com, partly the physical strength of the members. Not everyone will have the same physical strength, that is something to be anticipated by the trip i/c, as such, group size should be kept small so that it is easier and more safe to travel as well. Smaller group is definitely easier to handle and the higher the chance of conquering the mountain. But, from the maximum pax of 18 people, it was increased to 27, almost up by 10 people. Technically speaking, this group is too big. Frankly speaking, if this big group consist of fun and interactive people, things would not have been that bad. But, it is just our luck to get a clique-ish lot who does not seem too wiling to mingle around other than be with their own group of friends. The leader also made no attempt to break the ice, niether did he ask for a buddy system to ensure the safety of his participants. Call himself a leader, call himself an i/c. Lousy is what i have to say to him. Though i have no experience leading a group of people on an overseas trip, some of the bear minimum that should have been done was just not quite there. Will u leave an injured participant alone to the care of a guide to bring her downhill and leave her all alone there while the rest of the members scale the mountain? Not to say that i do not trust the guide, but, who knows what will happen to her? Even after she is brought safely to our base camp, she is there to be alone in the wild for the rest of the 6 to 7 hours. Moreover, it is her first attempt on such a trip.

Anyway, the trip was not such a gone case when these unhappiness graudually pushed the non-clique-ish people together. And due to this, we made new friends and had a lot of fun on our own. I turned out to be the "rebellious" lot in the trip, but it is simply no point sticking to a half-hearted i/c leaving most of the task of leading to his counterpart while he enjoys his small honeymoon and unfair share of authority. bleahhhhh..Got to know a bunch of nice and really cute people..they include Libin,Pangren,Richard,bert and yenleng..Frank and jovial is what i like about them. At the end of the 2nd day, the 5 of them, together with me and fang, ended up booking a resort room, had our heavenly toilet and bed, leaving the wild and the natural to the group of anti-socials.. To be fair to all, not all of them are that anti-social, but all i can say is that they do influence one another and in general, they just send a negative signal to stop me from being friendly. Grrr..

Nonetheless, the last one and a half days were fun because of the new friends fang and i had made. We sang, ate and crapped our way..Under the guidance of bert, we left the group at larkin terminal and headed for our own seafood feast! muhahaha.. yum yum.. it is so nice.. the stingray, the sambal sotong, the he bo..whahaha..

Reached home at 1142 there about finally. Not to think about the disappointments, i have enjoyed holiday! Though a twist from what i have initially expected.

Nothing can describe the aching pain

She is not getting any better. Now is almost close to being bed-ridden. She has also shrank so much since the last time i saw her. The once healthy looking and beautiful granny looks so different. She greeted me saying,"ailin, wai po is no longer the wai po u knew le" Looking at her made my eyes watery, i did not even want to stay in the room with her though i know i should keep her company. Her health is still in good condition.. just that after 2 falls, her legs have weakened and i guess she has got a fear to walk on her own again. She is 84 already, cannot blame her for that actually. I can really feel that she is lonely- how can she not be when she is to stay in the room alone most of the time? My cousins and relatives cant be by her bedside 24-7 a day as they have got their lives to live also. I have also witnessed the care and concern showered to her over these months. However, there are bound to be problems staying together under one roof, no matter how close they are to each other. Being more like a visitor on my part, i can somehow feel the frustrations, irrtation, weariness from one side as well as the loneliness, the cry for attention and need for companion from the other. What can this long distance-Singaporean grand-daughter do?? Talk to her and try to make her happier with the short time i have with her. And yet, i didnt stay with her for long, cos looking at her, i just cant bring myself to smile, not to say try to cheer her up- no matter how much i want to. Can sense that she is trying to keep us by her side. Can also sense her boredom lying on the bed most of the time. I have tried to coax her to let me piggy-back her to move around the house, to bring her downstairs to the living room, to get her out of that room but she just cant overcome her fear. i feel so helpless.. She definitely needs attention and patience to bring her back on her feet, but who can do it? I can sense my relatives losing their patience.. it really really takes a lot of effort to look after an elderly. One day experience on my mum's part has proven so already. The thing that ached my heart most is when she asked me, "ailin, will i get better?", "ailin, i have such a bad life,i can do nothing but depend on people for everything and lie here all day till my death" She was so pessimistic that i went speechless and felt utterly useless sitting beside her. All i can do was to sit by her and listen to her. Mum is feeling no better.. there are just so many things for her to think and worry. ah! Guess it is really true to say that elderly are just like kids who needs the attention and care. BUt it doesnt really seem like an easy to understand point as kids are usually treated as treasures while elderly are burdens. If the care and attention given to kids can be given to grandparents equally, things will certainly be better. All i can say is no one is at fault, but a better plan is definitely needed to take care of this treasure.

i miss her.

My holidays

One more month to go before my holidays end..muahahha...

Pretty excited about my ophir trip next week, hope i have the stamina to endure till the summit.. heheh..Lacks exercise but i shall try my best!!

Yay~

Finally started on the 1000 pieces teddy puzzle that had been resting in my cupboard.

Should say teddies, their fur are mostly brown, but different shades..challenging but i like it.. hahah.. that's the point of fixing a jigsaw, the fun and satisfaction of piecing everything together.. =p

Next up will be to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire..i supposed the crowd has cleared.

Now is to find the time to watch with ah fang. woohooo~~

Will be relieving qw's tuition classes soon..

feeling abit excited and yet abit scare of what is awaiting me..

Cant help but get the feeling that i cant get away from tuition. Ha.

Was considering giving up my own tuitees to find another long term part time job, starting this dec and yet, i am taking up another tuition job, Hai..

i just can't bring myself to give up--both on them and on myself.

New resolution for 2006- "be a better tutor"

This is said easier than done.

They are getting out of hand, and my time is like getting shorter. Grrr..

Patience is definitely needed. Phew..

Noise level going up but grades going down..

Guess they are getting too comfy with me..

New techniques needed.

Shopping trips are to be backed up financially.

I should be more thrifty.

Should try harder.

But the things out there are simply too attractive and distracting.

tsk tsk.

*shake head*

30th Dec.730pm.Victoria Concert Hall.Sparks 4!

Calling all concert goers and my dear frens..

Come and watch this concert by Yuhua and River Valley Combined Alumni band!!

Do show ur support as the alumni are burning their weekends to practise!!

It will be a GOOD show! Definitely..

cos.. i m one of the players..haah..just kidding..i m not that good..

pOP and light pieces will be played.

That means, u wun fall asleep as the pieces will be familiar and pleasant to your ears..

Do not belittle yourself by saying that u cant appreciate music.. this concert will prove you wrong! Guess i'll make a good promoter. Contact me for tix k??

Please give support!!

post exams

Exams finally over. Glad, happy,elated,relieved,freed..whatever that is positive.. never felt so deprived before.. too much of liberty and unrestraint life the past half of the year must be the reason for my sickness towards a routine and mandane studying period. Seriously never felt so deprived of free time before..My concentrating span is definitely lower, keen-ness to study is definitely not there even though there was a need to. Worse still, when i was supposedly studying, i did not seem to be absorbing. Anyway, everything is over now.. i have tried my best.. or rather.. gave my best attempt to do what i can..and now, it is time to relax and at the same time, think of how to pull up my grades in the next sem..thats it.. moving on to my holidays..


Watched "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" today. a really nice and thought provoking show i must say. It makes you think twice about religions and faith, science and emotions. The trial scenes reminded me of "To Kill A Mockingbird" when issues regarding race, religions and prejudice are put on trial. Though the two stories are different in their plots, one thing that ties the both together is the conflict and contradiction between impartial justice and the beliefs, emotions and judgements that cannot be explained by only facts and proof. How to you prove sympathy, love or feelings for someone? How could one explained the presence of supernaturals unless they have personal experience with it? Subjectivity and possibilities are the main concerns that make the verdict a dilemma. In the case of Emily Rose, it is the conflict between the belief, possibilities and scientific facts that make the whole issue controvercial. Facts, no matter how true, leaves no room for possibilities and uncertainties. And how useful are facts in the ever-changing, you-never-know-what-will-happen-tomorrow's world?

Kind of affected by the movie.. convinced, not by either side but both of them. The facts do have their point, the beliefs are supported too..I always believe that religions are highly subjective and controvercial..because they have many implications and effects. Be it the devotes, or any other believers or non and for Emily Rose, it was her life at stake. Based on a true story, the reality hit me pretty hard and I do not know how to describe my feelings now, there is a tinge of sadness, and at the same time, pain and fear. I wonder how much of the show is based on truth but it is definitely a show worthy of our time, i should say. Being a believer of possibilities, anything can happen in this world, no matter how absurd it might seem to be..Catch it if you can, but there are certain parts that are pretty tramatising and freaky that i jumped and hid behind my jacket.haas

Down

Sinking deeper..

pre-exams

now i finally experience the peak that chang loong once commented about uni life.. bloody peak!~ but how come i never seem to experience the trough?? that seems really unbalanced yea?? weird. why is it always my batch to experience the new stufF?? first was pw.. now is the gpa system where everything under the big big sun has got to count. No time to breathe. Done with projects, now is exams. think my batch is really super if we think back on the things we have done for the pass three months. Phew.. more oxygen is definitely needed.. and i am kind of balding?? haha.. cant help but be exaggerating here.. i want time to do things i like!! alamak.. that brings me to my point of whether i m in the right course for myself. though a bit too late now.. i am keeping my finger cross about next sem. I feel that i have worked hard, if not at least more effort and time than others around.. but the results i m getting is just not equal the effort put in.. this is kind of or rather very irritating and frustrating.. i am feeling really tired and demoralised.. effort put in, no results.. might as well not do anything right??? but still.. i cant put it down. irritated... just hope that i can pass all modules.. so that i can at least still get my honours. saviour needed!! i tried to think of what went wrong, then there are 3 conclusions.. 1. i am getting more stupid. 2. i m not suitable for business at all and 3. these modules are not my area of knowledge.. in fact, very far indeed. everything is new and super new... concepts, facts, techniques..

i miss band prac. i want hols!

Wait Till You Grow Old

Watched this show finally.. though a pretty common plot, the twist towards the end surprised me and the ending touched me alot. It has been ages since i cried watching a show/movie. Though there are parts that are unrealistic, the moral behind the story is pretty true and close to heart.. like the movie =) It just reminds us to live life to the fullest no matter how little time or energy we have.. never regret today or give up on tomorrow.. rather motivational.. heehee.. Another thought that i brought home from the show is that.. things on the surface might not be the things that are true.. What we see and know might not be the right and the one to be believed.. this dawns on me because i am one who tend to believe things and take things at face value.. seldom take effort to think twice and deeper.. and now.. i think indifferently! haha..

Anyway.. happy birthday, Ms Chan! hahah.. dun think i will be back this sat.. intensive mugging got to start tmr!

Down

Nothing can really cheer me up nowadays..people around me are simply disappointing.. all only care for themselves.. irritation. Guess everyone is made even moodier by the never-seem-to-be-ending projects.. gosh.. exams are three weeks away and we are still struggling with projects?!? What is this? To date, in a short time span of about 3 months, we have done a total of ten projects.. with only 2 ungraded.. guess it is a pretty shocking number when we calculate the total number of projects we will deal with annually.. gosh..think now is really tht time when the going gets tough..what's more... if i fail any modules this sem, or rather any sem, i will NOT get my direct honours.. my hair is practically standing whenever i think of this.. dying of suffocation..

I need a break. nitez.

my cough is not helping at all.

Skeptism

i just dunno why, but i am seriously getting more and more skeptical with things and people around me.. whatever that happens, i can no longer trust or choose to believe like what i use to do in the past anymore. Uni life simply made me see more kinds of people.. good or bad up to one to judge.. i just keep telling myself to be less trusting.. and this doesnt make me feel good at all.. anyway.. ya.. pretty disillusioned.

Please do not take anyone around you for granted.. people always tend to treasure friends whom we meet less frequent..although that is inevitable.. but that does not give an excuse to take people around you for granted. .sometimes, just a remark or sign of concern can mean alot.. really alot.. silence is not always golden.. i seriously think that anyone, no matter how strong, how iron- fisted or how independent.. will have a soft and vulnerable side where love, care and concern needs to be showered.. Everyone has got emotions..a soft pad on the shoulder or a hug can really make someone's day..sigh....

Really tired.. cant wait for the term to end and have my holidays.. but before that, i seriously hope that my projects can be done really quickly so that i will have time to study.. really do not wish to repeat any modules... sos!! i need time to study!!!

( '-' )

"If you want something, you cant afford to be passive!"

This is a line that i come up with recently and has started to like it as the days go by. It serves as a form of motivation for me to work hard and strive towards my goal. Ya.. that brings me to what is my goal.. to get into my choice of specialisation at the end of my first year? Every other thing is on hold? ya.. i think so. Played tarot cards with wee,xinru,mei and vicky yesterday.. guess the analysis is pretty accurate.. at least i can draw the links and see them together.. intuition,blockage,self-sacrificial,merciful,decisive,prosperity... Pretty interesting i must say.. shall play it again! heehee

I am finally back on track and in control of my life once again.. after so many things that happen in the past few months.. plus the jump and adjustment i have got to make to adapt to uni life.. i have settled down.. finally. ha. Guess the things that happened were not really that GREAT and unmanageable..just that everything seem so crammed and tied together that i didnt have a breathing place to think, to react and do what i should have done. They were pretty overwhelming happening together.. glad that they are over.. i have grown to accept certain things, certain people and better understand myself.. clearer of what i want currently.. my priorities.. guess the next step will be better time management..more self enrichment? hah..

"Being single by choice and being single by nature"

is another line that i find interesting.. So what if we are single by choice or not? why should we be so bothered? Ya, i dun deny that 19 years old is a prime time to get attached and find a nice partner to taste the sweetness of love.. but still.. that is not everything ba.. i am one who seriously believe in fate to bring people together and at the same time, we have a choice to make things work out or not..anyway.. i think i am just blabbering again.. bottomline- getting attached is not the only thing in life.. good if have..nothing to lose and more time to spare if without =)-- with this mentality now.. it increase my likelihood of becoming an old spinster..hahahah

Anyway..contented with my life now.. buddies around me, good class, fantastic section, nice project mates, happy family, pretty obedient tuitees.. enough sleep and healthy body.. nothing more to ask for presently.. contentment is happiness ba?

really got nothing much to say le.. tata

oVer

i think everything has come to an end. Ya, i think so. i do not know if i was the one who ended it.. but guess it was the things i have done ba. The past few days have been hell.. project preparation, tuition, project again, then pia tutorials.. maybe that is how i am really like when the workaholic me is busy-- cold and unfeeling.. those around me will more or less be affected. i am sorry but i cant help it. However, i have also been thinking amidst the tight schedule, and thought that i have arrived at a conclusion.. however, the sudden coldness now is making me feel uncomfortable..fickle-minded and undecided.. selfish also..thought that i will be relieved, but, now, i find myself feeling abit sad.. hopefully i will have no regrets. Anyway, i got into the odac sub-com.. more activities. Maybe what he say is right, i am too independent, too busy..but i thought that is mostly for this week and the next only.. i believe i'll settle down soon..this is also good to a certain extent..at least we got to know what is best for us,what we want. i hope that i am just being abit too emotional here..what i have done is right. ya. right..thanks for everything.

wats up and down

Haven been updating ever since school started. I think thats me ba. When there is work to do, my online time is naturally reduced. Anyway, i think that the things that are happening around me recently are a little bit overwhelming for me to cope altogether. First, there is school and school work to be handled. There are like so SO many presentations and things to prepare la. Due to the fact that 2 out of my 3 tutorial classes take place on monday mornings.. my sundays have just become my mugging days. So sian diao la.. every sunday night is spent doing my tutorials..sound so no life huh? Guess i shuold really start planning my time well and keep my sundays free for relaxation. Due to my super bad flu last week, things are stagnant as in, many things are left undone! gosh.. i owe my tutees more tuition sessions and that means more nites occupied and taken away.. bleah.. cant i just stop complaining? haha...

Decided to join Odac for my cca in uni again.. guess this is going to be a little different from nj oac..cos, we do not have weekly trainings!! Yeah yeah.. but that means i got to stay fit on my own to be able to cope with the activities that are to come. I went for the sub com interview yesterday.. though i dun really need the points and stuff, i just want to be part of the big family to better enrich my uni life? haha.. cos i think if we do not join any cca in uni.. life is just going to be studies and going out with frens u have already known or maybe your new classmates. that is like a routine.. so guess i am looking for something new? haha

School,cca and friends.. there are really some people whom i miss and want to meet up but time is like never enough. Phew.. And one more thing, if i didnt reply anyone's msg.. please forgive me.. cos this month my bill is going to BURST and EXPLODE like a bomb and i am going to clear up the debris my digging my own pocket.. so sorry to those i didnt reply on time.. i will try to get back to ual via other means k? so screwd. .if got anything ual want to say, tell me or ask.. feel free to call me k? help me make full use of the free incoming calls i have.. heehee..

Went out to meet frankie and marcus last sun.. i miss them so much till i saw them. Now i think i miss yj and kim more.. cos that two stupid babooons actually bullied me the whole afternoon! Haven feel so tortured and geked for a long time le.. exasperation man! nonetheless.. they are jokes that i can take and i guess these are the things that help us bond and really click! haha.. sound as if i enjoyed being bullied.. but ya..hope my point is understood. The two of them huh.. really ultimate.. never fail to amuse me with their niao-ness, frankness, cuteness and silly-ness.. haha.. love them man! better dun let them see this entry..if not they are going to say that i am siao again.. haha..this just make me realise that they nv read my blog! tsk tsk..hahha.. but that also means that i can write more bad things about them?! haha.. fang n jing, u better keep wateva u read to urself..haha..

band has also started.. and as usual.. i have got to brush up and improve on my skills more!! especially when i am the only bass player now.. gosh. all my juniors bangsei me to not play for this concert and my senior? super qiang la, jumped to first liao lo.. leave me to die! haha.. kidding la.. got to really improve.. i hope i can.. by playing only once a week.. alamak. Band is now pretty small..and i hope the year twos who have said they want to play, will come back to play after their As.. This shall really be our FULL concert man.. need everyone to make it possible!! really ah... keeping my fingers cross.. i think we can do it..

i dunno if wat i am doing the right things now.. but i really hope so. .guess doing what i feel like doing should be correct ba.. at least i will have no regrets.. haha. yup. thanks for everything.

Finally feel like writing

Read a friend's blog just now.. Motivated me to write after slacking for so long. . School has started, my supposed new life has began.One month before it actually starts, i was looking forward to it as i think i will have a more routined and fun life meeting new people. Two weeks before it starts, i start to regret wasting my time.. started to hope that i have more time to spend before school starts.. woman cant help but be contradicting sometimes huh?

Now that i am finally in school, things are really overwhelming i can say. The school is not very very big, neither is it small.. but running around can be trdious sia.. one minute i am at the north spine enjoying my terriyaki chicken don, the next i am quickening my foot steps to go to the photocopying room at south spine to print my lecture notes as the photocopying room in the north spine library was too crowded.. Before i know it, my forehead is wet.. drips of persperation ran down my cheeks.. Cant the whole school be air-conned? was what xiao hong exclaimed that amused me..

Every printing room was so so crowded la.. and my new printer only arrived today.. the past few days were pretty shitty.. being a big big computer illiterate, the high tech ntu portal was kinda a mystery sometimes.. just like today, fang and i purposefully went to school early for brunch and then print notes from the online system.. in the end, with both of us being lousy with the system and foreign to the library operations, we decided to sos and call for help. Luckily, got xiao hong to lend us notes to photocopy. Guess photocopying machine is still my favourite.. though the cons is the need for cash card.. which i dunno where to get in the big campus. . like yesterday, i first pestered my ogl for the location of a nearest photocopying room then msg him again to ask for cash card purchase and so on.. bleah.. finally got my cashcard today.

Kk.. enough grumblings.. super duper high expenditure this week.. so many things that need money, money and more money..textbooks, lecture notes, applications for this and that...pheww~~cant stand it..hope to settle down soon..

Lectures were ok till today's stats lec.. wah.. firstly.. the indian slang of the lecturer does not help..sorry but i am not being racist here.. but the dry and theoritical stats lec was really super boring and monotonous..cant understand certain parts cos it was difficult.. then the speed and the slang of the lecturer and the heaty afternoon simply combined forces and made things worse.. the two hours felt like four..yee...tutorial starts next week.. hopefully will meet nice people as i have not found anyone in the same tutorial class as me yet! Got to get separated from fang and my og biz mates le..only can be together in lectures.. keeping my fingers cross..

consiDEr and thInk prOPerly

Can u please make up ur mind what u want? Though some things cannot be explained rationally,they still need to be sorted out ya? Maybe you are too rational and just cannot abandone your thoughts to your feelings. There is fear, there is anticipation and there are worries. One step at a time? You want to move on and maybe away. You know you need to anyway... You are scared that you got too used to it that it will be too late to say goodbye. You can sense that you are getting used to it. Days when you get nothing, you will hope for something. Days when you get something, there will be a faint smile and tinge of happiness and joy.But still, there will be period of time when you want to hold back. Are you being abit selfish here? Follow your heart is what people say. But how easy is that? Think your are a troublesome person, think much,act slow and react weird. Stupid gal. Please let all anticipation and stop wasting people's time. Leave each other alone? Time is the best pulling agent. Ya. Shall be it.
Let nature takes its course?

UOC Camp 2005

6 days 5 nights camp over in a twinkle of an eye..

Weariness was one thing and fun was another. I am really glad to have known a group of friends who are nice and fun to hang out with. Nice freshies, nice Ogls, fun activities and most importantly, the friendship i have found. Though i am not too sure whether our friendship will and can last, at least i quite like my og people...as well as my seniors who took great care of us..

Guess this camp had exposed me to quite alot of things and people.. guess uni life is going to be a big jump for me.. hope i can really grow up soon..haha. The most exciting thing i have done will be the dive i have taken from the platforn that is 5 metres tall from the ground. i actually managed to jump into the pool successfully without experiencing much pain..it was so so scary that i could felt my heart skip a beat and dropped down the 5 metres.. phew~

Another point event worth remembering will be the wlak through the canal or rather long kang when we got to see the dirty canal and the weird scribblings on the wall.. where on earth will we get a chance to walk and explore the underground canal in singapore unless you are in the army?

I also like the last two days that we spent at changi aloha chalet.. it was so so so shiock to have a chalet of our own with four big rooms,one kitchen, one dining room, three toilets and a big living room all to ourselves.. shuang! haha

One thing that i feel numb about the camp is the need for guys and gals to get pair up almost all the time..this is so true especially when we play games..the close contact we get huh.. really makes me so paiseh and self conscious sometimes..dunno whether it is a good thing or not. One thing is that now i am not so scared of guys, but second thing will be that we are not that close to get close.. sounds funny.. but ya.. i feel as if i have been through a sdu camp..haha.. it is like a secret agenda of the uni to actually pair people up for the rest of their lives.. funny...but one good thing that i seriously feel good abt is the fact that the guys in my group are all pretty gentlemanly and are really thoughful and nice.. applause to them..haha. the gals are nice too..got innocent ones..got cute ones.. also have pretty ones..

Another big thing that happen was the disclose of the fake freshie truth.. from day 0 of the camp onwards, there have been a fake freshman in all the groups and for my group, we were the most innocent and naive to not know this and trusted this supposed senior as real freshman and fren.. phew... to learn the fact that he is actually a senior pretending to be freshie is like a slap in the face and we felt so cheated.. gosh.. wat a joke to play la.. but luckily, the bonds made manage to diffuse all anger and exasperation that make the truth acceptanle after a while.. now, it is actually a good topic to discuss and decide to let which of us pretend as a freshie next year if we are to take over..

However, through this camp, i have found out another saddening fact about myself-- lousy at conversations and quiet when i am with a new group of friends. I am always slow to warm up and interact with new people.. stumble and fell over my words when talking to cute people..dreaming and wondering off when my frens are talking.. in the end, i became blur and not sure of what was going on. *dotz*

Anyway, hope to keep in touch with this group of friends..