She is not getting any better. Now is almost close to being bed-ridden. She has also shrank so much since the last time i saw her. The once healthy looking and beautiful granny looks so different. She greeted me saying,"ailin, wai po is no longer the wai po u knew le" Looking at her made my eyes watery, i did not even want to stay in the room with her though i know i should keep her company. Her health is still in good condition.. just that after 2 falls, her legs have weakened and i guess she has got a fear to walk on her own again. She is 84 already, cannot blame her for that actually. I can really feel that she is lonely- how can she not be when she is to stay in the room alone most of the time? My cousins and relatives cant be by her bedside 24-7 a day as they have got their lives to live also. I have also witnessed the care and concern showered to her over these months. However, there are bound to be problems staying together under one roof, no matter how close they are to each other. Being more like a visitor on my part, i can somehow feel the frustrations, irrtation, weariness from one side as well as the loneliness, the cry for attention and need for companion from the other. What can this long distance-Singaporean grand-daughter do?? Talk to her and try to make her happier with the short time i have with her. And yet, i didnt stay with her for long, cos looking at her, i just cant bring myself to smile, not to say try to cheer her up- no matter how much i want to. Can sense that she is trying to keep us by her side. Can also sense her boredom lying on the bed most of the time. I have tried to coax her to let me piggy-back her to move around the house, to bring her downstairs to the living room, to get her out of that room but she just cant overcome her fear. i feel so helpless.. She definitely needs attention and patience to bring her back on her feet, but who can do it? I can sense my relatives losing their patience.. it really really takes a lot of effort to look after an elderly. One day experience on my mum's part has proven so already. The thing that ached my heart most is when she asked me, "ailin, will i get better?", "ailin, i have such a bad life,i can do nothing but depend on people for everything and lie here all day till my death" She was so pessimistic that i went speechless and felt utterly useless sitting beside her. All i can do was to sit by her and listen to her. Mum is feeling no better.. there are just so many things for her to think and worry. ah! Guess it is really true to say that elderly are just like kids who needs the attention and care. BUt it doesnt really seem like an easy to understand point as kids are usually treated as treasures while elderly are burdens. If the care and attention given to kids can be given to grandparents equally, things will certainly be better. All i can say is no one is at fault, but a better plan is definitely needed to take care of this treasure.
i miss her.
No comments:
Post a Comment