pre-exams

now i finally experience the peak that chang loong once commented about uni life.. bloody peak!~ but how come i never seem to experience the trough?? that seems really unbalanced yea?? weird. why is it always my batch to experience the new stufF?? first was pw.. now is the gpa system where everything under the big big sun has got to count. No time to breathe. Done with projects, now is exams. think my batch is really super if we think back on the things we have done for the pass three months. Phew.. more oxygen is definitely needed.. and i am kind of balding?? haha.. cant help but be exaggerating here.. i want time to do things i like!! alamak.. that brings me to my point of whether i m in the right course for myself. though a bit too late now.. i am keeping my finger cross about next sem. I feel that i have worked hard, if not at least more effort and time than others around.. but the results i m getting is just not equal the effort put in.. this is kind of or rather very irritating and frustrating.. i am feeling really tired and demoralised.. effort put in, no results.. might as well not do anything right??? but still.. i cant put it down. irritated... just hope that i can pass all modules.. so that i can at least still get my honours. saviour needed!! i tried to think of what went wrong, then there are 3 conclusions.. 1. i am getting more stupid. 2. i m not suitable for business at all and 3. these modules are not my area of knowledge.. in fact, very far indeed. everything is new and super new... concepts, facts, techniques..

i miss band prac. i want hols!

Wait Till You Grow Old

Watched this show finally.. though a pretty common plot, the twist towards the end surprised me and the ending touched me alot. It has been ages since i cried watching a show/movie. Though there are parts that are unrealistic, the moral behind the story is pretty true and close to heart.. like the movie =) It just reminds us to live life to the fullest no matter how little time or energy we have.. never regret today or give up on tomorrow.. rather motivational.. heehee.. Another thought that i brought home from the show is that.. things on the surface might not be the things that are true.. What we see and know might not be the right and the one to be believed.. this dawns on me because i am one who tend to believe things and take things at face value.. seldom take effort to think twice and deeper.. and now.. i think indifferently! haha..

Anyway.. happy birthday, Ms Chan! hahah.. dun think i will be back this sat.. intensive mugging got to start tmr!

Down

Nothing can really cheer me up nowadays..people around me are simply disappointing.. all only care for themselves.. irritation. Guess everyone is made even moodier by the never-seem-to-be-ending projects.. gosh.. exams are three weeks away and we are still struggling with projects?!? What is this? To date, in a short time span of about 3 months, we have done a total of ten projects.. with only 2 ungraded.. guess it is a pretty shocking number when we calculate the total number of projects we will deal with annually.. gosh..think now is really tht time when the going gets tough..what's more... if i fail any modules this sem, or rather any sem, i will NOT get my direct honours.. my hair is practically standing whenever i think of this.. dying of suffocation..

I need a break. nitez.

my cough is not helping at all.

Skeptism

i just dunno why, but i am seriously getting more and more skeptical with things and people around me.. whatever that happens, i can no longer trust or choose to believe like what i use to do in the past anymore. Uni life simply made me see more kinds of people.. good or bad up to one to judge.. i just keep telling myself to be less trusting.. and this doesnt make me feel good at all.. anyway.. ya.. pretty disillusioned.

Please do not take anyone around you for granted.. people always tend to treasure friends whom we meet less frequent..although that is inevitable.. but that does not give an excuse to take people around you for granted. .sometimes, just a remark or sign of concern can mean alot.. really alot.. silence is not always golden.. i seriously think that anyone, no matter how strong, how iron- fisted or how independent.. will have a soft and vulnerable side where love, care and concern needs to be showered.. Everyone has got emotions..a soft pad on the shoulder or a hug can really make someone's day..sigh....

Really tired.. cant wait for the term to end and have my holidays.. but before that, i seriously hope that my projects can be done really quickly so that i will have time to study.. really do not wish to repeat any modules... sos!! i need time to study!!!

( '-' )

"If you want something, you cant afford to be passive!"

This is a line that i come up with recently and has started to like it as the days go by. It serves as a form of motivation for me to work hard and strive towards my goal. Ya.. that brings me to what is my goal.. to get into my choice of specialisation at the end of my first year? Every other thing is on hold? ya.. i think so. Played tarot cards with wee,xinru,mei and vicky yesterday.. guess the analysis is pretty accurate.. at least i can draw the links and see them together.. intuition,blockage,self-sacrificial,merciful,decisive,prosperity... Pretty interesting i must say.. shall play it again! heehee

I am finally back on track and in control of my life once again.. after so many things that happen in the past few months.. plus the jump and adjustment i have got to make to adapt to uni life.. i have settled down.. finally. ha. Guess the things that happened were not really that GREAT and unmanageable..just that everything seem so crammed and tied together that i didnt have a breathing place to think, to react and do what i should have done. They were pretty overwhelming happening together.. glad that they are over.. i have grown to accept certain things, certain people and better understand myself.. clearer of what i want currently.. my priorities.. guess the next step will be better time management..more self enrichment? hah..

"Being single by choice and being single by nature"

is another line that i find interesting.. So what if we are single by choice or not? why should we be so bothered? Ya, i dun deny that 19 years old is a prime time to get attached and find a nice partner to taste the sweetness of love.. but still.. that is not everything ba.. i am one who seriously believe in fate to bring people together and at the same time, we have a choice to make things work out or not..anyway.. i think i am just blabbering again.. bottomline- getting attached is not the only thing in life.. good if have..nothing to lose and more time to spare if without =)-- with this mentality now.. it increase my likelihood of becoming an old spinster..hahahah

Anyway..contented with my life now.. buddies around me, good class, fantastic section, nice project mates, happy family, pretty obedient tuitees.. enough sleep and healthy body.. nothing more to ask for presently.. contentment is happiness ba?

really got nothing much to say le.. tata

oVer

i think everything has come to an end. Ya, i think so. i do not know if i was the one who ended it.. but guess it was the things i have done ba. The past few days have been hell.. project preparation, tuition, project again, then pia tutorials.. maybe that is how i am really like when the workaholic me is busy-- cold and unfeeling.. those around me will more or less be affected. i am sorry but i cant help it. However, i have also been thinking amidst the tight schedule, and thought that i have arrived at a conclusion.. however, the sudden coldness now is making me feel uncomfortable..fickle-minded and undecided.. selfish also..thought that i will be relieved, but, now, i find myself feeling abit sad.. hopefully i will have no regrets. Anyway, i got into the odac sub-com.. more activities. Maybe what he say is right, i am too independent, too busy..but i thought that is mostly for this week and the next only.. i believe i'll settle down soon..this is also good to a certain extent..at least we got to know what is best for us,what we want. i hope that i am just being abit too emotional here..what i have done is right. ya. right..thanks for everything.

wats up and down

Haven been updating ever since school started. I think thats me ba. When there is work to do, my online time is naturally reduced. Anyway, i think that the things that are happening around me recently are a little bit overwhelming for me to cope altogether. First, there is school and school work to be handled. There are like so SO many presentations and things to prepare la. Due to the fact that 2 out of my 3 tutorial classes take place on monday mornings.. my sundays have just become my mugging days. So sian diao la.. every sunday night is spent doing my tutorials..sound so no life huh? Guess i shuold really start planning my time well and keep my sundays free for relaxation. Due to my super bad flu last week, things are stagnant as in, many things are left undone! gosh.. i owe my tutees more tuition sessions and that means more nites occupied and taken away.. bleah.. cant i just stop complaining? haha...

Decided to join Odac for my cca in uni again.. guess this is going to be a little different from nj oac..cos, we do not have weekly trainings!! Yeah yeah.. but that means i got to stay fit on my own to be able to cope with the activities that are to come. I went for the sub com interview yesterday.. though i dun really need the points and stuff, i just want to be part of the big family to better enrich my uni life? haha.. cos i think if we do not join any cca in uni.. life is just going to be studies and going out with frens u have already known or maybe your new classmates. that is like a routine.. so guess i am looking for something new? haha

School,cca and friends.. there are really some people whom i miss and want to meet up but time is like never enough. Phew.. And one more thing, if i didnt reply anyone's msg.. please forgive me.. cos this month my bill is going to BURST and EXPLODE like a bomb and i am going to clear up the debris my digging my own pocket.. so sorry to those i didnt reply on time.. i will try to get back to ual via other means k? so screwd. .if got anything ual want to say, tell me or ask.. feel free to call me k? help me make full use of the free incoming calls i have.. heehee..

Went out to meet frankie and marcus last sun.. i miss them so much till i saw them. Now i think i miss yj and kim more.. cos that two stupid babooons actually bullied me the whole afternoon! Haven feel so tortured and geked for a long time le.. exasperation man! nonetheless.. they are jokes that i can take and i guess these are the things that help us bond and really click! haha.. sound as if i enjoyed being bullied.. but ya..hope my point is understood. The two of them huh.. really ultimate.. never fail to amuse me with their niao-ness, frankness, cuteness and silly-ness.. haha.. love them man! better dun let them see this entry..if not they are going to say that i am siao again.. haha..this just make me realise that they nv read my blog! tsk tsk..hahha.. but that also means that i can write more bad things about them?! haha.. fang n jing, u better keep wateva u read to urself..haha..

band has also started.. and as usual.. i have got to brush up and improve on my skills more!! especially when i am the only bass player now.. gosh. all my juniors bangsei me to not play for this concert and my senior? super qiang la, jumped to first liao lo.. leave me to die! haha.. kidding la.. got to really improve.. i hope i can.. by playing only once a week.. alamak. Band is now pretty small..and i hope the year twos who have said they want to play, will come back to play after their As.. This shall really be our FULL concert man.. need everyone to make it possible!! really ah... keeping my fingers cross.. i think we can do it..

i dunno if wat i am doing the right things now.. but i really hope so. .guess doing what i feel like doing should be correct ba.. at least i will have no regrets.. haha. yup. thanks for everything.

Finally feel like writing

Read a friend's blog just now.. Motivated me to write after slacking for so long. . School has started, my supposed new life has began.One month before it actually starts, i was looking forward to it as i think i will have a more routined and fun life meeting new people. Two weeks before it starts, i start to regret wasting my time.. started to hope that i have more time to spend before school starts.. woman cant help but be contradicting sometimes huh?

Now that i am finally in school, things are really overwhelming i can say. The school is not very very big, neither is it small.. but running around can be trdious sia.. one minute i am at the north spine enjoying my terriyaki chicken don, the next i am quickening my foot steps to go to the photocopying room at south spine to print my lecture notes as the photocopying room in the north spine library was too crowded.. Before i know it, my forehead is wet.. drips of persperation ran down my cheeks.. Cant the whole school be air-conned? was what xiao hong exclaimed that amused me..

Every printing room was so so crowded la.. and my new printer only arrived today.. the past few days were pretty shitty.. being a big big computer illiterate, the high tech ntu portal was kinda a mystery sometimes.. just like today, fang and i purposefully went to school early for brunch and then print notes from the online system.. in the end, with both of us being lousy with the system and foreign to the library operations, we decided to sos and call for help. Luckily, got xiao hong to lend us notes to photocopy. Guess photocopying machine is still my favourite.. though the cons is the need for cash card.. which i dunno where to get in the big campus. . like yesterday, i first pestered my ogl for the location of a nearest photocopying room then msg him again to ask for cash card purchase and so on.. bleah.. finally got my cashcard today.

Kk.. enough grumblings.. super duper high expenditure this week.. so many things that need money, money and more money..textbooks, lecture notes, applications for this and that...pheww~~cant stand it..hope to settle down soon..

Lectures were ok till today's stats lec.. wah.. firstly.. the indian slang of the lecturer does not help..sorry but i am not being racist here.. but the dry and theoritical stats lec was really super boring and monotonous..cant understand certain parts cos it was difficult.. then the speed and the slang of the lecturer and the heaty afternoon simply combined forces and made things worse.. the two hours felt like four..yee...tutorial starts next week.. hopefully will meet nice people as i have not found anyone in the same tutorial class as me yet! Got to get separated from fang and my og biz mates le..only can be together in lectures.. keeping my fingers cross..

consiDEr and thInk prOPerly

Can u please make up ur mind what u want? Though some things cannot be explained rationally,they still need to be sorted out ya? Maybe you are too rational and just cannot abandone your thoughts to your feelings. There is fear, there is anticipation and there are worries. One step at a time? You want to move on and maybe away. You know you need to anyway... You are scared that you got too used to it that it will be too late to say goodbye. You can sense that you are getting used to it. Days when you get nothing, you will hope for something. Days when you get something, there will be a faint smile and tinge of happiness and joy.But still, there will be period of time when you want to hold back. Are you being abit selfish here? Follow your heart is what people say. But how easy is that? Think your are a troublesome person, think much,act slow and react weird. Stupid gal. Please let all anticipation and stop wasting people's time. Leave each other alone? Time is the best pulling agent. Ya. Shall be it.
Let nature takes its course?

UOC Camp 2005

6 days 5 nights camp over in a twinkle of an eye..

Weariness was one thing and fun was another. I am really glad to have known a group of friends who are nice and fun to hang out with. Nice freshies, nice Ogls, fun activities and most importantly, the friendship i have found. Though i am not too sure whether our friendship will and can last, at least i quite like my og people...as well as my seniors who took great care of us..

Guess this camp had exposed me to quite alot of things and people.. guess uni life is going to be a big jump for me.. hope i can really grow up soon..haha. The most exciting thing i have done will be the dive i have taken from the platforn that is 5 metres tall from the ground. i actually managed to jump into the pool successfully without experiencing much pain..it was so so scary that i could felt my heart skip a beat and dropped down the 5 metres.. phew~

Another point event worth remembering will be the wlak through the canal or rather long kang when we got to see the dirty canal and the weird scribblings on the wall.. where on earth will we get a chance to walk and explore the underground canal in singapore unless you are in the army?

I also like the last two days that we spent at changi aloha chalet.. it was so so so shiock to have a chalet of our own with four big rooms,one kitchen, one dining room, three toilets and a big living room all to ourselves.. shuang! haha

One thing that i feel numb about the camp is the need for guys and gals to get pair up almost all the time..this is so true especially when we play games..the close contact we get huh.. really makes me so paiseh and self conscious sometimes..dunno whether it is a good thing or not. One thing is that now i am not so scared of guys, but second thing will be that we are not that close to get close.. sounds funny.. but ya.. i feel as if i have been through a sdu camp..haha.. it is like a secret agenda of the uni to actually pair people up for the rest of their lives.. funny...but one good thing that i seriously feel good abt is the fact that the guys in my group are all pretty gentlemanly and are really thoughful and nice.. applause to them..haha. the gals are nice too..got innocent ones..got cute ones.. also have pretty ones..

Another big thing that happen was the disclose of the fake freshie truth.. from day 0 of the camp onwards, there have been a fake freshman in all the groups and for my group, we were the most innocent and naive to not know this and trusted this supposed senior as real freshman and fren.. phew... to learn the fact that he is actually a senior pretending to be freshie is like a slap in the face and we felt so cheated.. gosh.. wat a joke to play la.. but luckily, the bonds made manage to diffuse all anger and exasperation that make the truth acceptanle after a while.. now, it is actually a good topic to discuss and decide to let which of us pretend as a freshie next year if we are to take over..

However, through this camp, i have found out another saddening fact about myself-- lousy at conversations and quiet when i am with a new group of friends. I am always slow to warm up and interact with new people.. stumble and fell over my words when talking to cute people..dreaming and wondering off when my frens are talking.. in the end, i became blur and not sure of what was going on. *dotz*

Anyway, hope to keep in touch with this group of friends..

=(

Received a call from my cousin yesterday. Calls from malaysia are usually filled with warm greetings and pleasant updates. But for yesterday, i heard a quiver in her voice- the anxiety and fear all compressed in a cool and trying-to-be calm voice. I sensed that something was not right,and she said it was regarding grandma and she wants to talk to mummy. Questions after questions start to zoom into my mind.. what happen to my dear granny who is supposed to celebrate her 84th birthday with all of us this sat? Is she alright? What is going on? I was sure that jie was not calling to ask about the celebration...wai po!!!

Due to the clash of events on the 9th of july, i was not able to go back to malaysia. Initially i was only a little guilty for not making myself available for that day and had already prepared my present for her.. now that granny has collapsed and is a little semi-conscious, i feel so guilty and unfilial. She is the only grandma i have seen and interacted since young, living far away from her is already a disincentive to treat her well.. what am i doing!!!

Now it is suddenly clear to me that the thought of losing someone dear to you is so painstaking that your heart seems to be bumping round in a moment and stopping in another. Cant take it. I am going back to malaysia with ma later. I want to see wai po.

Went for a jog just now, felt slightly better. On my way round my neighbourhood, i saw so many grannies doing their morning exercise. Every single one of them reminds me of her. She was also like them, healthy and beautiful, always wakes up early in the morning and you can see her moving round the house helping out with some light household chores. Why is life so fragile and everything so sudden? I really hope that she will be well really soon...please...

(+_+)

Went for VSA camp

Rearranged most of my photos neatly in my com--next will be to develop them

Cut my hair

Cleared my room-- but it seems to be getting dirty once again..vicious cycle.. alamak

Went to Malaysia to meet Sis Coco

Met up with primary school friends

Went to alumni bbq

Went Sentosa to slack--does tanned people gets tanned more easily? i turned dark even when i stay in the shade the whole day and when the sun was out only at 1pm? gosh..

Surf the net almost everyday

Went out with mummy..

Accompanied daddy to the doc

Shopping and more shopping trips and kbox outings

idol chasing? haha..

giving tuition--what's new?

jogging..swimming--irregular..but i shall try my best!

whatelse? hmmm..

Hmm..after breaking from work since the 13th.. i think it is time for me to reflect on what i have done these weeks so as to better gauge if i am really wasting my youth away..haha. looks like i am not fully maximising my time.. and the things that i want to do are not all done..shall swear to come online less and do more constructive things..

Counting down to 9th july-- a day where ALL nice and fun activities are to take place.. and for me.. i have got to choose.. why cant they be spread out more evenly since i am so free nowadays? Sian!! Cant go for VSA camp as it is going to be a whole day's activities..going to miss the kids and the befrienders..not going for the oac elections cos i am giving tuition in the afternoon..cant go back to grandma's birthday celebration since i have spent money preparing myself to go for EG's concert at the National Indoor Stadium..sorry wai po, wo ren mei dao,dan shi wo de zhu fu he li wu dou hui dao.. and i shall be going for the alumni meeting in the afternoon at yuhua.. hopefully will get to see all if not most of the alumni..

Just another day

Okie.. i only have 1o mins to type whatever i have to say,cos i will have to pass on to mu younger brother.

Ever since i have quitted from nyp,there is only one word to describe my life--- SLACK. Maybe another word to describe my attitude-- Lazy. I can simply sit down on my bed and stone for as long as half an hour. Record high sia! I do not know why, earlier on this week was a bit of hell..though i should be enjoying myself slacking, i do not know why, but i was ultra moody. Did not feel like doing anything at all. Seriously nothing gets my attention.

Nothing.

It was only these two days that i start to have the mood to go out. I knew i have to, before i go mad. I do not know what was bothering me,but i seriously did not feel good. Now i know how people sink into depression..haha.. for no reason sometimes. Luckily i ran away..from whatever i was unhappy about..

Luckily.

Happy to actually meet up with my ex-colleagues. Watched A lot like love.. a pretty good movie.Felt abit stupid as i was initially against watching this movie.. sorry peeps.. haha.. it was not bad! i enjoyed the show! =)

Maybe due to my short-temperness these days and with the prejudice against her, i openly declared my piss-off-ness today. guess i have never really liked her in the first place, and today, she stepped on my toes. though she can be nice, that is only sometimes.. yup.. shall not bitch anymore.. enough.

dOUbts

Hmm.. what kind of a person am i? What kind of first impression did i give people who just know me. I am seriously thinking about this issue these few days. It is not that i am very very bothered about how others look at me, but at least, the impression they got of me is important for me to know what signals i am sending out. And whether i realise that i am actually doing so.

Being easy-going is something i start to hate about myself. I realise that when i take the neutral stand for too long a period, i am being taken for granted gradually. And now, i have problems speaking up sometimes. Silence definitely does not mean consent for me now. Maybe it is time that i start to be more assertive, not in the sense of being demanding, but more of getting my point, what i believe across to whomever it concerns. I also don't know when does this pretty submissve nature starts to develop in me. As compared to the Ailin 7 years ago.. there is such a big disparity! Oh gosh..can i be in between? Maybe i should try..starting from today. It is alright to be easy-going, but, not too easy-going!

Whenever we do things, should we always follow our heart? Should we do whatever we feel like doing whenever we want? Even when it might be an impulse? Guess it might be good if i don't think so much.

Hope to see you again.

Holidays are here..finally

Friday,20th jun, marks the start of my holiday!!haha..Quited from my nyp job on monday and went to volunteer my service for the disabled kids. Though it is a really tired three days..all the befreinders get our share of happiness and joy that simply words cant describe.

Very Special Arts- Tropicana Camp 2005

All the befrienders and camp crew met on monday afternoon. We played some simple ice breaker games to know each other better. I was in octopus and my team-mates consists of Su,Zaki,Guofeng,YiRu,WeiShan and PeiQi.. They are either current or ex nyp students,or smu/nie students..so..people of my age! haha.. Really glad to know them.. But it was a pretty embarrassing start for me during the ice-breaker because we were supposed to carry people and get carried by people to go over to the other side of the hall before we can do the activities.. and so..being the tallest and i supposed biggest gal in the team,i felt so self conscious and really scared to burdened any of my team-mates..just as i was worrying..i was approached by one of my team-mate to be piggy-back! Oh gosh! It was like how many years ago since i was piggy-backed..So paiseh!!!!i hesitated but after some consideration and with some assurance,i decided to give it a try..In the end, the 2 of us went on a trial run before anyone else..and that's when the attention was on us! All befrienders saw me being piggy-backed! gosh..so so so paiseh..nonetheless, i was really thankful to my fren who offered his help.. =)

Other than feeling lucky for what i am and have today,i really really do not know how to describe my feelings towards the kids i met. Jing Kang left the deepest impression among the other kids simply because he showed the most progress in the three days..being one of the kids diagnosed with down syndrome,he changed from someone who was scared of the crowd and befrienders to one who grew attached to us and was willing to be carried by us when we were not the direct befriender assigned to him.

Being a totally normal person, i admit that we will tend to look at these kids from another angle,thinking that there are alot of things that they do not know,will not know or need not know..This camp was really an eye opener for me to get a step closer to their world, to understand the fact that many of them are actually just like us, with only one small element missing/extra in them that result in who they are today. At first, i was still quite apprehensive as to how am i going to handle the kids, but after the camp, i declare that they are not that tough to handle and i love them!! haha..they are really nice and innocent kids who really need our attention and time. To some of us, it might just be a cip camp that helps to clock cip hours, but to them, it was a fun-filled camp that added spices to their lives..i am glad to have went for the camp.

Joel, being the most active in octopus, is one that i love and hate at the same time. He is as stubborn as a mule, but when a need arises, he rise up to the occasion to be a helpful and sensible boy. He brought laughter for most of us. A really cute boy who has

Sarah,other than being abit dreamy sometimes, is a really nice companion and kid to look after. Ever so obedient and soft-spoken. You have got to get closer to her by talking more to her before she will actually open up to you. Her gentleness and innocence really attracts me..

Sammuel, though not from my team, is another cutie who ask me this when i carried him..

"Are you a girl? i like to be with girls"

I really laughed my head off when i heard that.. maybe that explains why he did not gave me much problems during the short time frame i spent with him.

Alana, the girl whom i was taking care of most of the time, is another smart girl who grasp new ideas and concepts really fast. Other than her disability to walk, she is just like any other children we have encountered..able to talk and chat with me freely about anything..enjoyed her company and hope she too..

It is going to be never ending if i continue down the list..in short, i have gained alot from this camp and the kids have really touched my heart..

May i wish that all baby octopus grow up fast and healthy.. and may all the big octopus take care and keep in touch! Really nice to meet you guys.

Last

Yep, today is my last day of work... last day to be blogging using this com.. think i'll miss my nice collegues who helped me throughout this half a year here.. miss them for the fun and games we have created and made using our creative methods. Good luck to all and hope this leaving will not mark a stop to our friendship. take care!

Sparks 3!

i jumped out of my bad this morning just to get to work for my last half day. Guess this lethargy and laziness are just part and parcel of the post concert syndrome..though everything had come to a beautiful ending..all was just like a dream to me..i am dying of exhaustion..but with great happiness..ironic, but ya, i am still feeling quite "high".

Before i can feel the time ticking away, it was our turn to go up on stage and tune..the crowd was warm and spontaneous...this simply increase the excitment that was already inside me way before the concert. Smses also kept coming in..really touched by those friends who cant make it but still bother and remember to msg their well wishes :)

So glad that everything went well. From the rehearsal to the actual performance, there was this burning excitement that cant be expressed.. i felt excited that our concert was finally here. Excited that my parents were coming to watch my performance after so many years. Excited that my friends and juniors were coming. Excited that what we have practised are to be played correctly and together. Excited that i want to ensure that everything around me is carried out smoothly. Excited to help all members in whichever way i can. Excited to see ms chan's reaction when she got the presents from us.

Got on the stage finally. The crowd was good.. cos they never fail to heighten my emotions further.. Think the excitment and nervousness got over me..and my bell was somehow blocking my score and everything was so dreamy suddenly. In the end, i ended up as a peeping tom peeping at xinru's score instead of the file i was sharing with xinran. Haha.. felt funny. The alumni concert was well received and i am really really proud of all members.. with special thanks to all the soloists! They rock! They played a major role in bringing the concert to greater heights and moving the crowd to sway with the music. Job well done! =)

Everything ended really quickly..i did not want to get off stage though i knew i have too.. never did i ever realise that i like to perform so much. The satisfaction gained from playing with a good band is really gratifying..Being under the baton of an outstanding conductor is also really rewarding..i love u,alumni band!

All of us reported back to yuhua and watched our own performace's video...satisfied..but i'll still be patiently waiting for the recording that will definitely sound better and clearer..Met up with the rest of the section to go to our usual place for dinner. Really appreciate my section who came all the way to yuhua to wait for us..happy! As usual.. it was a bubbly session and a big family gathering..the kopi tiam trip was more hilarious than our usual ones due to the emergence of a kopi gia in the section.."ah lai" was the phrase of the day.. really funny.. even till now, the line and the many incidents that were associated with the "ah lai, sio", are still fresh in my head. Amused.

Think i am going to miss felix and wenwei if we are to have the next concert. They are really nice and interesting people to have in our section. Felix is talented and crazy.. wenwei is crappy and nice to talk to.. enjoy their company.. and of course, i still have dear xinru ad sin pei..the two who are always there for me..as for the twins.. they have been great juniors too.. only for the fact that they never join us for dinner-- anti-social!

Through sparks 3, i got a chance to know more people and to understand those i have already known better. Found myself a sister! haha.. kai lin! A really nice and cute sister. Bubbly and spontaneous in helping out and doing things. Enjoyed her company alot especiallly during the two shopping trips we had.. thanks sister! Xinran- a really sensible and nice junior to play my pieces with. Straight-forward and cute.. guess girls same age as him or younger might be falling heads and heels over him..haha..have been working with azri and nasser..not to say sin pei and bella..great people who gave me new perspectives about being leaders and functioning of things. Think i am in love with being in the band.. yupz..

Hope to hear good news soon.

Sore throat! it is coming back-to and fro..making me sick and irritated.
I have been drinking alot of water..guess i need to sleep more..
back to my usual belief-
sleeping is the best medicine most illness

ya ya,action speaks louder than words..
u need sleep then u sleep!
but..

never mind

My mind is not really working. I am tired.. ah! Shall stop grumbling.

Hope that by the next entry, i am feeling better.

emotional

Wanted to blog.. then a call came in and he pissed me off..rude,uncivilised,illiterate and most importantly,stubborn,rigid and arrogant. in short, an idioit. Please dun dun dun ever let me answer his call again. He managed to push me to my peak in this 6 months. i am on the verge of tearing, but i am not going to cry just like that. Old bore!

I'm counting down to the final day of my work. Due to the pack schedule i am currently having, i am seriously yearning for a break. Seriously, a break where i can stay at home for just one day, without having anything to do specifically. Though i have always wanted a fulfilled and organised life,i am starting to get tired. Maybe it is due to the hot weather that is making me weak and easily tired and that is the reason for this weariness. I have this strong desire for freedom! Free from everything and anything..Sounds really deprived, but ya,i need it.

I think i am getting back to the times when i get emotional and sensitive. Little things can affect my mood drastically. Little things can make me think,ponder and wonder. Little things can help me remisce. Little things can cheer me up. Little things can upset me. Little things can change me..

Empty

Only a small group of us

a big room with blasting air con..

cold and lethargic

it just seem so empty and

the slow moving clock is not helping!!