Illusion and Imagination

Revival

2007-05-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

Dead blog struggling to keep alive

Now that i am feeling a little more free, i decided to come and update and hopefully, will have sufficient perseverance to keep this blog going.

One reason.. though not the main, for not updating this blog is that i feel that i have moved very far and grown alot from the last time i deposited my last entry here. Be it in terms of thoughts, personality, ideas or mindset, i feel really really different. The sight of this blog skin just adds on to this idea. Haa. Time for a change of my blog skin.. but i am just too lazy to revamp it. Any offers to help? Heh.

After having my attachment for the first week, i should, at least up to now, feel that i am pretty lucky as compared to my fellow interns in the same building. At least i see a point in doing my work and at the same time, it is something i enjoy doing. Though still a small fry with no power in decision making, this small fry is opening her eyes really wide to take in and absorb as much as she can :)

People come and go in our lives and there are just some people that you hope will be in with you for the rest of your life... I don't really know where is the source of this pessismistic thought, but recently i am seriously thinking that people are living my life.. quietly and silently. As much as i would like to hold on to them, something is missing, not there to hold me and them together. Maybe time is a factor, maybe priority is another. Nevermind, whatever will be, will be. As long as i have tried to preempt it, i cant do anything if it is still going to happen. Treasure days with them around for now.

2007-01-09T15:28:00.000+08:00

9th Jan 2007

Today is the day.

The fact of being a 21 year old is sinking in. Slowly, but truely..

Epiphany. A literature term i learnt from my JC lit tutor. Suddenly, i feel like a grown up. Sounds really crappy, but it is true. Almost 3 days of celebration made me really high and now, I am coming back to reality- a place where i have a rather brand new feeling and attitude towards. I guess my blog is suffering a slow death, reason simply being i am not as opened as i used to be whenever i blog now as compared to before. I used to treat this blog as a place for me to express all my thoughts, gratifications,hard feelings and happiness. I was open and wanted people to know and see how i feel. But now, i no longer see a need to vent my anger/express my feelings here.. A positive/negative change? i am not too sure either. I found it really hard to blog recently. Stared blindly at the screen and then gave up the thought to write le..Guess it is just me to express whatever it is up there out and to everyone and anyone appropriate. But now.. haha.. maybe i am just lazy to do that. It is okie, one or two good, interesting entries here once in a while should be good enough.

Thanks for all the nice greetings, dedicated efforts and presents from my dear friends and family. Special thanks go out to fang,marcus,kim,yj,john,wing,angela,ian,xinpei,cousin coco and cousin-in-law..
Calls and cards from overseas never fail to warm my heart further. Thanks weimin and eve! Overseas call not cheap ah!! Really value that thought.

Shifting some of my stuff into hall today.. A rather symbolic day indeed. Haa.

OKie.. getting myself back from the holidaying mood and time to charge!

No longer a 20 year old.

2006-12-31T13:51:00.000+08:00

The last day of 2006

Resolutions?

Yep... they are all up there in my head.. prepared and set to move towards them.

Moving closer and closer to my 21st year on this Earth..Just a point to answer any burning desires of friends who are cracking their heads to buy me a birthday gift.. i seriously have nothing much on mind now.. dun want to waste ur money.. One thing that i will love to have is actually birthday cards with personalised and heartfelt wishes. That is quite and really nice to get lei! hahha.. Any other things that u guys are getting.. i think i will like ba. Sounds insincere? But really! haha.. Just buy me things based on ur understanding of me ba! heh =)

Just as i am getting closer to adulthood, my mindset still seems to be like that of a kid. Hmm. felt the stagnation of its development for the 2nd half of 2006. But, no more! heh.. 2007 shall be a brand new start for me as well as everyone i hope!

Happy New year!

2006-12-03T06:17:00.000+08:00

I am back

????? ????????

When was my last entry? 22nd Oct! haha.. The 24th entry was not done by me, so not counted. Haha.. Why on earth will i scold myself stupid? Stupid. Haha.

The past two months or rather the whole of last semester i should say, had been a semester that i will never forget. Too too too much had happened for me. Be it emotionally, academically, physically or mentally. All i can say that i admit defeat. I was stretched to the limit. I have even become someone that i am not too sure to call Ai Lin le. Sounds scary? Haha.. no worries to all my dear friends, i am still the cranky old me, just that i have grown, i have seen more things that my views and perspectives are now wider- both for good and for bad. There are some things that i have figured out, some which i have not. But by now, i am no longer in the mood to search and find the answer anymore. Whatever will be, will be. Haha.. whenever i say this, i will think of the nursery rhyme.. or song if you call it.

There were times when i wanted to blog, but sitting in front of the com, i wondered what was there to share with people out there? Not that i have nothing to share, but maybe more of what i think i should share. The dark side of life depresses people, worries even more people, while the bright side of life is not bright enough to brighten up another one's life. The option of all options was to keep quiet. Now that i am back shows that i have moved out of that shell, that short term depression that made me so sick of all the things i have to do. I really want to hug all dear friends who had been there for me all these time, without them, i really cannot imagine what i would have done. All the laughter and tears, they are there to lend their shoulders and ears. Thanks thanks. As for my studies, i am no longer scare to face the fact that my grades are going to suffer this sem anymore. I have decided to work doubly hard next sem to pull up whatever i have dragged this sem. Not too early for my 21st resolution ba.

Was chatting with a friend online just now. He never fail to enlighten me, make me think really hard and ponder deeper about life. As a result, though he makes me happy that i am waking up abit more, he depresses me sometimes also. Nonetheless, happy to have someone like him around ba.

Christmas is coming!! haha.. so excited and i hope that it will be a fun event with my primary school friends. This holidays will be filled with workshops, tuitions, Openhouse meetings and preparation as well as meet up with friends as usual. Shall be leaving for malaysia gentings and a short trip to KL if nothing goes wrong. There after shall prepare to shift into hall to stay with my rommie angela liao! Haha. Prior to that means shopping and more shopping and that means money and more money needed! haha. It is ok, money is earned to be spent. More money to be spent for my upcoming birthday celebration if i decide to have one. Till now i am still indecided. Haiz. See how ba.

2006-10-24T18:34:00.000+08:00

stupid ailin

2006-10-22T22:36:00.000+08:00

Lee Hom Heroes of Earth World Tour 2006

Fantastic, marvellous, bravo and high can be considered understatement after my trip to the National Indoor stadium last night. Wang Lee Hong is simply talented to be missed. Enjoyed the concert from the start to the very end. Really feel that the money was well spent and fully utillised. Happy. It is really one of the real happy moments i have had this month. Haiz. Things will get better. My blog will come alive again soon. Just like i am going to be normal once again. Haa.. sounds like i have sth wrong sia.

2006-09-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

I am in one of my depression moods again. Feeling so down now. Feelings of insecurity filled me and talking to Angela on the phone set me off again. Maybe I am too emotional, but whatever my dear friends say make sense.. I should talk soon. Cant remain silent for too long. Good luck!

2006-09-25T15:00:00.000+08:00

Too fast? Too slow?

Haha.. I am not too sure what went on for the past one month. Everything seemed like a dream. I was overwhelmed by my work. Worked the hardest ever since i was born 20 years ago. Tried to stay focus on work while allowing myself to be distracted once in a while. Tried to fully maximise my time doing work, catching sleep, meeting frens and seafood platter. That was indeed tough.. but i survived. Now that it is the term break, i shall work hard and play hard at the same time. Things seem abit too smooth that it has become a little stagnant.. Though stagnant, i am not too bothered as long as we are happy. Though i will sometimes worry that things might not be right, i choose to believe the feeling i got and so, shall not let my imagination runs too wild. Think things take two hands to clap and sometimes i can be quite blur and stupid to get hints at the right point of time. Argh. So, bottom line will be let nature takes its course again.. whatever will come shall come and when it does, hope i am good enough to catch it and hold it tight with me. Now i will just give what i want to give and take whatever there is there so that i will have no regrets to speak of in the future. =)

2006-08-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

Big fluctuations

School has started for me.. everything around me has been going at such a fast pace that i am literally gasping for air. The emotional swings from one event to the other really tires me.. One that affected me on the down side is the fact that i am no longer a chairman for band. The decision might seem like a bomb that dropped from nowhere suddenly, it is actually something that has been on my mind for as long as i remember. The dilemma and struggle inside is really hard to describe. The lingering thought and passion mingled with the practicalities of life and committments. Hard decision. I will miss band and CPS. I will miss the NBA and the ever so cute committee.. argh.I will miss the days of a bass tboner.. haiz. Shall stop here.

At the other extreme, i think i am lucky and blessed to seem to have a dream coming true... really thankful though don't know to who. Haa.

2006-08-07T01:55:00.000+08:00

How i spent the last week of my school holidays..

Haha.. this heading sounds like a primary school kid's composition title huh? Yeah.. childlike after spending quite a large part of my time with kids..Got to recap all these so that i might help to make me feel a little better having to start school on tues.. though a day later than most peeps.. i am still on holiday mood.

Monday: (Strength: isleen,angela,ian,ee seng,namkhai,me,valmond,daniel,ashley,bingyao,khung xing and daphne) After some rest on sun after union camp 06, i met up with og hoping to salvage the memory card that stored a great deal of our nice pictures and videos.. However.. instead of doing what we wanted, the size of the og expanded(by those who left hall camp as they found it too bored) and we went around eating nice food..Headed for a sumptuous crab dinner at joo chiat followed by nice ???? at geylang. After which, we walked round the area to explore the even numbered alleys.. Though i felt excited at first, i felt quite bad after that for being insensitive. Though interesting it might seemed at first thought, it was kind of rude for us to go around like kids on excursion..Shall never do that again... Nonetheless.. had fun with og..after the walk around.. we continued our feast of ??? and ????.. though i could not take in more..the little bit i tried was enough to keep me tempted to go back for more.. yum yum..

Tuesday:(Strength: isleen,angela,ian,ee seng,me,valmond,ashley,bingyao and Shirley) Think the orientation fever was still hot in us that we decided to meet up for mahjong at ee seng's house once again.. It was when i catch my Pirates of the Carribean finally. I know it is abit lag but ya.. Nice show! I want to catch the second one before i missed it like Cars the last time. Hanged around watching Increadible Tales 3 after that..not as freaked out as the last time we watched at Angela's house.. guess the big group eased all tensions and fear after awhile. Short and simply outing.. like this kind of short gatherings.. it will be better with more freshies around..

Wednesday: Rested at home and accompanied dad before i went to do some relief teaching at serangoon. A short day with nothing much but enough for some adreneline rushes here and there throughout the day.

Thursday: Spent the morning at home with dad before he got on his feet and abandoned me. haha.. Glad that he was able to recover and left me alone at home while he went out to settle some stuff. First time that i felt glad being 'abandoned'

Friday: Met Valmond and Ee Seng for breakfast early in the morning. Abit siao on to like just wake up earlier and meet each other for breakfast ant Wa Jiao. Felt abit bad as i was the one who needed to meet early so that i can be on time for my next date later in the day. Nice people i have known =) Whooohooo! Went to JB with huifang and kim to satisfy out shopping craze after my nice breakfast! Spent over RM270 and i was home grinning. haha.. If i had no budget to talk about, my room will not be like what it is now. Shopperholic to the max. I brought the most money but was left with the least. Not even enough to let us have dinner at JB before we headed for home. Madness.

Saturday: Ubin outing with my beloved oac pals.. Such a long planned outing that we finally managed to get most of the gals down to sweat and cycle. Fun.. just that i am further blackened from where i was after the orientation camp. Need another half a year to get fair again. Boo.. The weather was good and we were adventurous. Went into the unexplored regions, scaled the top of the hill to see the overview of the beautiful quarry and cycled deep into the out of bounce OBS land. Haa.. I was nearly thrown off bike by a big monitor lizard that was frightened by me as well. Terrible scare but luckily i was firm to grip my bike and cycled on. If not, cheemin would have fallen because of me. Gosh.

Sunday: Tuition and shopping filled this last day of holiday for me. Started teaching pre primary one kids at the center today. Nixon and christina! whaha.. both of them made my day.. THEY ARE SO CUTE! Love teaching them.. time flies with them around. Just hope that they do learn and i can teach effectively. Met up with zhu tou in town today. Missed her and was glad that we spent time sitting down to catch up. Not really in the mood to shop.. sorry.. think i bored her a little towards the end. Too tired le.. then my heels were giving me problem as well..Shall meet up again!

Tomorrow.. supreme court outing with business law specialisation peeps.. I knew none of them.. actualli thinking if i should absent myself.. but i cant afford to be anti-social in this fac.. so.. yeah.. be friendly.. be myself!

2006-08-02T14:13:00.000+08:00

Nurse for a day

Dad is sick. Really the first time seeing him so sick after living on this earth for 20 and a half years. Dun really like this feeling of helplessness. All i can do is to prepare food and medicine for him. The medicine didnt really seem to take any effect.

Please please.. let my Mr Strong recover really soon.

2006-07-30T22:06:00.000+08:00

UOC 2006 23rd-29thjuly

Slept all the way from 530pm on 29th to 30th morning 830am. Could have slept all the way till noon if not for the fact that dad thought that i have tuition at serangoon in the morning. Boo. I have changed the timing for that class but forgot to tell mum..haha.. never mind.. guess i have slept enough as well.. as compared to the two to four hours each day during camp.

I am now Afro Senior, Aura junior. We are now the A group! =)
Time was super slow when we were in ntu for the first two days.. maybe due to the fact that we seniors have been running around the place so often that our legs were so tired out by the second day of the camp. At that point of time, i hoped that the camp will end soon. But as the days went by, we got out of ntu, went to sentosa followed by aloha at loyang.. time never seem to be enough. OG bonded fast, had fun and really went crazy at the chalet. So many things that we did that i am now too lazy to typed all of them out again. Glad that everything went on pretty smoothly for our group.. Though we had fun and stuff, i will not say that the camp on the whole was a good one. In fact, i feel that the camp last year was alot better. Maybe as a senior this year, i see alot more cork-ups and problems, but i am sorry to say that the main com did not do a really good job cos if they did, there would not be so many things that we,the A group seniors have in the list to feed back about. Haiz.. nvm.. shall credit them for whatever effort they bothered to put in.

Through this camp, the A group bond seems stronger and better be it between the afros or the aura bananas..as well as between the aura bananas and afro juniors...the super seniors were supportive and great in coming back to help despite exams and final year projects.. muacks muacks.. may the A group spirit be everlasting~

I have lost my voice again.. a standard outcome whenever i go for camp =p

School reopening next week.. excited and yet Boo boo.. haven play enough~

2006-07-13T12:30:00.000+08:00

Trombone Chalet 2006@Cranwell Bungalow 2

Being there brought back memories of last year's orientation. Though it was a different chalet, the stretch of Changi Road just seemed so familiar and quiet.

The three-day-two-night chalet flew past in a twinkle of an eye. One of the most comfortable chalet so far as all of us have got beds to rest and sleep well.. Haa.. Though the creepy feeling haunt us a little bit here and there..everything was still fine except the fact that i used some shampoo that belongs to nobody i know. Yucks. . Shall try to forget that. Adventurous and sporty cyclist? haa. i see myself as more of a tom boy who gets crazy and is not too scare or careful to avoid injuries. Poor Xinru, must have scare her a fair bit by sharing the double bike with me.. haha.. Nonetheless, the trip was fun! heh.

Guess time with section is never enough. After checking out from chalet, we were still on for kbox at tampines but was saddened by the fact that it has shifted to marine parade! Alamak. Then, we decided to go to holland village's settler's cafe only to find out at their door step that they are opened daily from 2pm! Grrr.. Left with not much of a choice, we went to BK for lunch before deciding another round of card games at my house! hahah.. That's what i love abot section, ever so spontaneous and on to do stuff as long as time allows all of us to*muacks*

TOLL.. Something that helps me get to know my juniors better! Now that ade is almost squeezed dry.. my next target is shuhui,beng and vicky.. muahaha.. they had being too quiet! Let them off too easily everytime we have TOLL.. No more! hehh.. waiting for thw 20th for all of us to meet up again~

2006-07-06T13:57:00.000+08:00

A rather meaningful mail to share :

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.

She was tired of fighting and struggling.

It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water

and placed each on a high fire.

Soon the pots came to boil.

In the first she placed carrots,

in the second she placed eggs,

and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners.

She took out the carrots,eggs and coffee and placed them each in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked,

"Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.

She did and noted that they were soft.

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity --boiling water.

Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.

However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile.

Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior,

but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however.

After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong,

but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart,

but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup,

a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same,

but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?

The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.

When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst,

you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest,

do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,

enough trials to make you strong,

enough sorrow to keep you human

and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;

they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;

you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

That's life isn't it? =)

2006-07-06T12:11:00.000+08:00

Specialised in Marketing and Business Law

These shall be what is going to be reflected on my graduation certificate in two years time. I seriously hope that i can cope well and if possible, continue with the electives i have always wanted to do. Though those are really extra under the circumstances now, i believe i can do it and i shall try. So, that means that the coming two years in NBS is going to be a fruitful and rather packed school life for me. Work hard for the sake of the unknown future! haa, sounds ironic yea?

I kind of dislike holidays especially after last week. Not that i dont like a break, but just that this break gives me more time to imagine. And my imagination can run really wild and crazy. Dont like whatever I am guessing and trying to find out. This kind of guessing and pondering is driving me crazy. I rather everything comes to an end really soon. Maybe I have brought this upon myself. The word 'if' is a killer word. It gives people hope, anticipation and desires. But if, things are what they are expected to be, i should be happy. Sorry, I am talking to myself.

Section chalet is coming~ hehe.. looking forward to the ubin trip.. =)

2006-07-04T19:20:00.000+08:00

SiCK

Boo. Think the weather is too hot and the lack of sleep for the past few nights gave rise to the sickness bug attacking me. It was terrible last night-Practically whined through the night with my whole body aching and head spinning. Glad that i am feeling better now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEN!
So sorry to cancel our date ya? Have a nice day~

2006-06-29T21:22:00.000+08:00

Over the moon

Though i did something misleading and stupid today, i am glad that everything ended well. Phew.. Nearly died of heart attack! This is when frens play an important role =) So glad that yijing was there to offer a second opinion and help me calm down a little. Gosh, i can be really stupid sometimes. Haha, this is all I am going to reveal about my stupidity~

Had an imprompto sleepover at yijing's place yesterday. Haa.. This is the problem with girls.. Once we start talking, time seem to be never enough. Heh. Guessed we were both a little high yesterday-- did whatever we thought of and wanted to the moment we talked about it. I dyed her hair late at night yesterday. Crazy because there was no prelude, crazy because we just walked to the nearest 7 Eleven and grabbed the best colour dye that both of us agreed on. Crazy again because she wanted me to just highlight her hair but i stubbornly continued to dye the whole hair for her. She then requested for stricks of highlighted hair and bold enough, i toyed with whatever foil she had and ya.. dyed her hair~ haha.. As if all these stuff are not sufficiently out-of-norm, the supposedly ash-beige hairdye turns out to be golden brown when she came out of the bathroom. Haha.. I was speechless. Frankly speaking, the colour turned out to be something i like and prefer, but, the owner of the hair colour seems to not like it as much.. alamak.. "Hope U will get used to it soon, yj" =)

Met up with Weimin today! My dearest piglet~ haha.. She is still the same, so cute, so huggable, so innocent, so nice to talk and shop with! *Hugz* Distance indeed makes our hearts grow a little fonder.. Haha. We kind of combed the whole bugis in a short 4hours, leaving no sales unturned. Haha.. I really love GSS~ heh.. Got 2 of the tops i have eyed and wanted at only $21.60 when they used to cost $33 and $39.. Muahaha.. Really glad that i didnt succumb to those temptations and waited till today! Guess i didnt manage to contain my excitement of the good bargain that even the salesgirl looked a little shocked by my grin and wide smile. Haha. Wanted to have an ubin outing with everyone so that we can all get to meet up, but guess bigger group outings are always harder to settle.. especially when all the girls in question are reaLLY BusY people! Haa.. I will not give up. I am sure we will meet up soon~ heh.

Wore my Papillio already. They are gorgeous~ hahah.. actually maybe not really that beautiful but, i just like them. Yeah!

2006-06-26T12:07:00.000+08:00

Expectations

With expectations, there are bound to be disappointments when these expectations failed to surface. Though i have asked myself to stay 'normal' and lower my anticipation and expectation, i cant help it but hope for more. Guess humans are all greedy and i am no exception. Things seem fine and perhaps a little stagnant, but it is better than nothing. Shall i take more initiative? I really wonder how. Toot.

Another disappointment

Seniors camp was something that i looked forward to- 2 days of fun and laughter. Even took leave and break from tuition and cafe to go. For the first day, Aura is one of the groups with more people. That is definitely worth commenting but for the second day, the almost full strength dropped to zero.. that's why i am now free at home to blog. Am I too enthu or are they the ones who are not? When we are together as a group, things seem fine and fun.. Reason reason? Haiz.. Really feel that we should meet up more in order for the camp to be a really successful one. Shall make use of this time to really take a break.

2006-06-21T11:34:00.000+08:00

Bitchings

Had been bitching so much about my new manager that i don't mind bitching more about him though it takes up space in my blog. Being the operation manager, he does not even make the effort to mingle with his crew.. Does he expect us to suck up to him and try hard to smile and make conversation with him? Nah, that is something i will definitely not do. I thought he was just putting on his airs on his first few days, but guess what, when the crew consists of fellow au***** like himself, he was SO friendly and treated the rest of us as transparent. Yeah, it was obvious from that moment onwards that he don't like c******.. Or maybe because we were employed by the previous manager. Gosh. Last Sunday was the day that pushed me to the limit and the thought of working there under him simply makes my head spins and hurts. We were on the papers and hence business was super duper good. I was on the afternoon shift... customers kept coming and before we know it, the pies were sold up before dinner time at 7. I have nothing much to complain about the good business because with that business, i was occupied and time flew past really quickly. But, his presence made my day super tiring and frustrated. When we need the space at the counter to serve the customers, he was there chatting and making his so called 'friendly' conversation with his fellow 'mates'. I have nothing against that, but we just have to look at the appropriate time to do it. Just when we were having full house and people were looking out for seats to be cleared and trays to be emptied, we saw coffee cups and saucers meant for staff usuage on the tables, waiting to be cleaned and cleared. What is the point of having disposables lying there waiting to be used? He made a difference to the standard procedure of operations and above that, gave us more unnecessay work to do during such peak period. My hair was practically standing and what can be worse than being the only c****** left in the shop with him and his darlings. I decided to get away from him and walked into the kitchen to fold more paper boxes to handle the next possible batch of customers flocking in. What was he doing when the crowd ceased for a moment? He did not replenish the pies, neither did he help out with the paper trays which needs to be folded. He was there, taking up space at the counter chatting with his darlings. Anger, anger and more anger. I missed Sammy and my brother so much when they just left the shop for less than 45minutes to make a delivery. Argh. The next bad thing he did was his indirect causation of me receiving black faces from customers. I was making hot chocolate for the customer when he came over to ask if i know the 'right' way of warming the milk. Though i said yes, he went ahead to 'teach' me. And being a subordinate, it is only right to use whatever he had prepared to make the 'hot' chocolate. Though i felt that the milk was not hot enough, i used it anyway cos there was seemingly no reason and time to question him. What happened next should be predictable- customers complained and yeah, fingers were pointed at me. Fury! One Sunday afternoon with him nearly drove me to my grave. I was sulky for the next half of the day. As it was not difficult to make me smile usually, the disappearance of that curve on my face was kind of obvious that even Scot noticed it. Though jokingly, his reminder of 'service with a smile' made me guilty of letting some insignificant figure disturbs and irritates me. From then on, i tried to brush that irritation out of my mind.

Felt better after a good night's sleep.

i was on the afternoon shift again on monday. The moment i stepped into the shop, i heard that it was Sammy's off day! That's it. I WILL SEE THAT IRRITATING PERSON for the rest of the day. As usual, he left us alone to tend the counter. Soon, he was on the move. Of course i was elated to have him go, but on the pragmatic side, who was going to do the official closing with us? Closing was never done by part-timers ourselves. We need the manager to be around! He left happily after leaving behind his contact number and asked us to call him if there was any problem. yeah right.. there were lots of problems after that.. but it didnt seem that we need to call him at all. cos, there was nothing he could have done over the phone. First, we ran out of small change as the customers at our shop always seem to have $50 as their most available cash. We rushed off to neighbouring shops to change. Once this was tackled, we ran low of pies before dinner time. When the pies ran low, our $10 notes and coins ran low again. i started giving change of $40 in mixture of fives and twos and change of $1 with 10 ten-cent coins! Gosh. As we had another delivery to make at 7pm, we need to heat up the pies and send them over. and really lucky enough, the oven chose such a time to not function properly. The pies were not heated up and we were running late for the delivery. Can u imagine the whole shop was left with only three part-timers? It was just so coincidental that both of the chefs were out with Sammy for his off day. Yeah, our final resort was to call them and ask what to do when the pies and small notes ran low before the dinner peak at 7pm. As we had the urge to hang up the close sign with all these hiccups we were facing, we told them that all the pies were sold out when we actually had 4 left. Hah.. But lucky enough, we sold all 4 before they got back to the shop and started making all pies. I was never so glad to see Sammy. Haha.. At least i know that with him around, we have good workers' benefit.. not like that irritating figure who restricts our meals and drinks to take at the shop.

Frankly speaking, none of us there really like him and i am sure he has felt it in a way of another. But sad to say, he is making no attempt to improve the situations but in fact, doing more things to irritate more of us. Guess i will be jobless really soon. So much to bear when the pay is not in the first place fantastic.

Going to work again later. I really hope that he is not going to be there. Fat hope though.

2006-06-17T11:20:00.000+08:00

Second Specialization?!?!?!?!?!?

A pleasant surprise :)

Decision making again~

2006-06-15T12:05:00.000+08:00

First time

First time blogging in school not because i did not want to but most of the time due to the poor network being unable to load blogger properly.

First time leaving examinations hall early before the paper ends.

First time feeling so carefree and heck care about an exam even though i really did not know how to do quite a number of questions.

Second time

This is the second time in about a month that I am declaring holidays for myself. Haa. This time round it is really holidays as I will not be touching my books at all till 07.08.2006. Heh. Special term has ended over a twinkle of an eye. Sparks Goes Pop also ended in seemingly less than a minute. I have also moved on from the major emotional struggle to choose my specialisation that is going to accompany me for the next 2 years. A hard decision no doubt. I also hope that it is a decision that i will not regret and will hold on for however long i need.

Last time
Anything that i am doing for the last time? hmmm.. maybe to slack and not work hard ba. Resolution for the new semester will be to work hard and bring my GPA to greater heights. haa.

2006-06-06T16:01:00.000+08:00

Results out

Better than what i expected. Haa. Seems like this is always what i say whenever i get back my results. Though it seems positive, on closer examinations, it is nothung fantastic, simply because i am always prepared for the worst-- seriously the worst-- that's why now i am feeling better with 'better' results. Guess this is a way i learn along the way to cope with imperfections.

Toot

We are both stupid. Really childish. Haha

Sparks Goes Pop.11th Jun 2006.Sunday.3pm.Esplanade Concert Hall.

Finally here. Hope everything that should end will end with these concert. I dont have anything special to bring away with just hope that the performance itself will be a memorable day for me to remember forever. Hereby wishing all success! jia you jia you!

Da Vinci Code

Nice show, but can be confusing if one is not good at recognising faces. Hah. Shall read the book if i cant tell myself to persevere to finish it. Hah
(sorry wen,read your tag only after i watched the show!)

Ultra Broke

$ never drop from the sky. Never am i a money controller. This hols is the worse so far. .Esp under the temptation of GSS...Boo~

2006-06-01T16:39:00.000+08:00

Piper's Pies

Though lowly paid, working hours fly as customers have been consistent and the people there are nice so far. Still keeping my eyes wide open to observe and learn.. Just hope that i won't get scalded again. Hopefully the burnt that i got will not leave a scar.. argh...

Who haven watch Da Vinci Code?
i want to watch...

2006-05-28T22:05:00.000+08:00

Sotong in dreamland

These few days had been kind of dreamy. Really dreamy. I did not really know what i was doing most of the time. Everything that i did was part of a routine and i just did them as how i was supposed to do them. Sounds really scary but i seriously think i need a break. Ironically, i am having holidays now... What is so tiring is something that puzzles me. I was tired last night,but, i was subconsciously awoke half of the time. Guessed that drained me further. Gosh. If given the chance, i would like to lose my memory for one day and then come back again.

Had a good talk with N that day. Kind of happy after the talk, but things are still not resolved and i seriously think i am the problem. I still cant make up my mind to decide what i want next. A greedy person is an unhappy person.

Mum is back in Malaysia.. and dad is lonely! haha.. no la, just feel that whenever mum is not home, dad will be all alone in his room..especially like yesterday, when all the three of us were out at night, he was all alone at home..at the end of the day, he ended up visiting his sis and chatted with them through the night.. it was kind of a weird feeling for me whenever i see him alone.. so,tried to keep him company by watching tv with him.. mummy come back soon!

Sometimes i am really stupid when it comes to certain things. That is why till now... never mind.. i shall stick to my usual belief--- let nature takes it own course~

2006-05-25T10:01:00.000+08:00

3 jobs in 2 weeks

Had been job hopping and trying my luck to find a nice part time job that can accommodate me and my jumbled schedule with inter-sem lessons, band practices and tuition classes..

"Jobs are hard to find"

Such statements are pure excuses that i have used in the past. Hah. After lowering my expectations and putting in the effort to find a job, i managed to come across offers and widen my scope in my view and perspective of the world out there.

I did a CATI job with wen and i supposed i am still in the job as i haven get my pay no matter how meagre. It is a telephone surveyer job in which i got to call households using the phonebook and i am paid on a per survey basis. So far, i have only completed 13 surveys in 2 sessions. The own time own target flexibility allowed me to mia whenever i want. Hah. This hence allowed me to have the ease of going around trying new jobs and offers to see if i can take up.

Through my friend's recomendation, i went to interview for a event's coordinator's job which i went to work for 2 days. Now that i have seen their daily operations, i cleared my doubts and decided to leave. No offence to my friend who recommended me the job, but i think i am not suitable due to its outdoor nature and its long hours of operations that drain me from doing other things. Guess i am most probably not going back to the company.

Went for a cafe job interview and got the job already. Guess i am more suited for indoor working environment. My eye infection is slightly better.. but still got to rest a while more,sigh. The cafe environment was good and due to it being a new business, i forsee good prospects.. hAh.. Hope i am up to the job as when it comes to f&b, i am still a newbie..

Really tired out these few days. Lost track of all the days and dates. Shall take a good break before i start work once again =)

OG outing last week
OG gathered for our 'banana man' 's birthday. Guess he just have the ultimate influence on all of us being our big brother OGL. Every single one of us gave face and turned up to celebrate for him. All those (including myself), who have been mia-ing, turned up and stayed almost throughout the whole meeting. As such, the OG outing had been rather successful just that most of the seniors were busy. But for junior OG, full attendance! =) Though everything seems good and fun, i got myself into trouble with banana man. haha. Just hope that i can survive senior's camp free from his clutches. hah..

Thoughts
What are ethics and how do we define them? I suppose they differ person to person and i have high expectations for myself. Maybe i am idealistic, but whatever that is against my personal principles i simply cant bring myself to do it. I do not know if they are totally wrong, they have their rights and beliefs, but i am sorry, i just cant cross that personal barrier. Nonetheless, they are nice people whom i enjoyed being around with- so cranky and so fun to be with. But still, i choose to leave.. will miss u guys lots~

2006-05-16T11:04:00.000+08:00

Contradiction

Wanted to spend my holidays usefully-- so i took up the special term paper

Wanted to work and save more money during this holidays-- Looking for jobs with good pay and flexi-hours.

How to have the best in both worlds? Naive!

2006-05-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

Really happy to have met up with xxx today.You made my day! *Muackx* I didnt know why i lied to xxxx and xxx but the words just came out naturally when they asked the same question. Hah.. It is ok, that was a white lie, you guys will know it in a few days time.

Have been feeling down these few days. Maybe this is what i call 'prolonged p-m-s-ing'. I think it has a great deal to do with...never mind.. I know that things are different and hence the feeling is also different. The silent understanding that once existed is now gone. Whatever i did not say in the past, was felt and understood with that pleasant silence. But now, i have got to speak up, and by doing so,it is not doing anyone any good. So, i have decided to shut up. I have decided to give up. I might be looking at things in a rather extreme manner, but at the end of the day, my effort is kind of extra and not needed. So, what is the point of wasting my time and effort? I rather spend my time elsewhere. I have come to the conclusion that I will not give more than what I can take. A really selfish thinking I should say, but true enough, I have been disappointed. Actions always speak louder than words, so, say no more. I observe and I see. I feel and I sense. Whatever that was done, though minor, meant alot to me. Those intangible and little understanding and consideration are things that i have always treasured and appreciated. Now that they are not there, I am sad. All these are driving me away, I am seriously considering leaving. Though there are others whom i love to see and talk to, they are incomparable to those things that are pushing me away. Can I get away with that obligation?

Have you ever feel ever so alone even though you seem to have so so many friends in your phone directory?

No doubt that there are many contacts stored in my phone, when i needed to find someone to really vent out the agitation and irritation those things are causing me, the list shrank so much to almost nothing. I thought that no one would be so free to be there for all those grumbles, no one would be able to understand the dilemma and no one would be able to know how to help me because whatever advice that comes in will most probably be what i have derived myself. Contracdictory? My point is just that, at the end of the day, there is only me and myself to be depended on.

How best are the friends you used to call best friend? Never mind, i shall stop here before i brood and spoil my head further. Shall continue indulging myself in MARs again.

2006-05-04T14:44:00.000+08:00

MARS

Rocks.. It has been so long that i have been 'absorbed' into a show. The last was 'Winter Sonata'. i was so bothered and into the show that i was depressed for a few weeks. I can foresee 'Mars' doing that to me now. I didnt expect myself to be captivated my Zai zai. Hah.. surprise surprise..

Really touched by it. There have been nice shows around recently, like Da Chang Jing, Zhi Zun Hong Yan and stuff.. but, this is different. Shall let myself indulged in it and enjoy the immersion of the real and yet unreal plots once again.

2006-05-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

Job Alert

Think i am willing to take up any jobs that come along as long as the hours are flexible. Went to Conrad Hotel for a banquet waitressing job. Think will just take it up for the time being. Accumulate more experience before i really step into the workforce.

Still keeping a lookout on that kind of over-the-counter sales job where i can see more people so that i will not be bored with nothing to do. heh.. shall find one soon~

2006-04-28T13:47:00.000+08:00

On my mind

Is guys' ego really ever high and almighty?

Is it always necessary to keep it THat high?

Are girls in university too 'high' and 'elevated' to be 'reached' by non-uni guys?

As i get older, these are really the issues that get hold of my thoughts sometimes. We are not so unreachable if they can cast those irritating ego aside. I do not blame them as it is an invisible barrier ever present and lingering, preparing to surface anytime, anywhere.

If someone ever ask me if i mind a boyfriend from poly/ite, guess my answer will be
"I don't mind if he don't, i will mind what he minds"
Guess it is said easier than done, but true enough, it is not so difficult if the feeling is true and mutual. Life is much more than what our certificates reflect and show. Grades might be a really BIG thing to some people, but what's that but a superficial piece of paper whose only purpose is to help me get a job in near future?

I supposed that is why Singapore's birthrate is not improving.. Education levels and disparity do play a part in segregating people and differentiating social groups.

What to do?

I supposed we are only 'open' to people in our own group. That is how limited and small our social circle is ba. Vicious cycle i must say. That's why we should be more proactive in getting to know more people, shouldn't we? Life is short, live it well and meaningfully! At least that is what i think.

2006-04-27T01:17:00.000+08:00

When people say 'Hi' to you... will you say 'hi' back?

haha.. i supposed so.. even when you do not know that person i think would still reply.. Haha.. I supposed that is basic courtesy. Never mind, a Hi won't cause my death or anything. Just being friendly.

After rambling on for so much.. i shall now declare:

"IT IS HOLIDAY TIME"

Actually i am not as happy as i thought i would be. But maybe subconsciously i was. My last paper today was a 2 hour paper. I knew it right from the start but still, i let the sotong side of me took over. The paper consist of 3 questions, 3 sub-questions each.. i was one and a half hours into the paper and i still thought that i have got an hour more to complete the last question. I supposed heaven was kind to me in a way that a sudden realisation dawned onto me like magic to make me realised that i have only got 25 mins to complete one third of the paper! haha.. Needless to say, i rushed my way through.

I must have been glad that it was the last paper and maybe i didnt mind to actually stay back for another half an hour in that cold examination hall. Heh.

Thought of all sorts of entries that i wanted to type here when i was mugging. But now that i am here.. my mind is in a state of blankness. Whoo. How smart.

Went to watch 'Keeping Mum' today. A dark comedy i should say. Not too bad for a relaxation when our choices of movies to watch was so limited. Those nicer shows either not out yet, or the timing was just too late for the few of us. 'Reincarnation' looks exciting. Think i will want to watch 'Daisy' too.

Always got this sense of emptiness in me these days. Trying to find out the causes.. Not a good feeling i must say. Cant really discribe it, but it is disturbing. Nvm, it should be going away soon.

2006-04-24T15:40:00.000+08:00

Bored.

My to-do list has never been so so long.. Haha..

Looks like my blog has just became a place i log on to just grumble and complain.

I want my exams to end! Immediately. Gosh..

lalalalalalalala..

Why does 2 days seem so long!?

I am already not studying.. this sem's results is going to affect my GPA.. sigh

What's wrong with me?

Lazy bum must be the culprit..

Need the luck in the world to create miracles...

2006-04-19T01:59:00.000+08:00

Alive and Kicking

Have been digging my head in the textbooks that i have barely flipped for the past two months. Have been stressed and tensed, but finally, my mood got better this two days cos i only have two more papers to end my suffering.. Cant wait to get myself a holiday job after a rest from this hectic period.

One of my best friend asked me to go on a trip during this coming holidays. This is dunno the how many times i got a chance to go on trips with my friends but there is just this lack of enthusiasm from me. Though money constraints might be an issue, i realised that if the trip is to get me to some natural and beautiful landscape like my dream destination, i might be more than willing to get myself there. Though i like to shop, i do not know why the thought of a normal tour no matter to which country, still doesnt appeal to me. Let me consider again ba ya.. Travelling to another commercialised land does not seem to have any appeal to me at least for the time being. So.. shall save up more till i have the urge to go somewhere out there to spend it all away.. haha..

Okay, time to continue to be a studious me.. i am counting down to the 26th.

2006-04-01T01:02:00.000+08:00

Happy April Fool!

Haha.. It is April Fool's Day once again. Time really flies.. People out there.. be careful and dun get trick today!

Dustbin
haha.. What a name! This was the name i gave him.. more than 11 years ago. Haa.. it is really a very very good feeling to have old friends remembering you and wanting to keep in touch once again. Thanks so much for this sweet feeling of being remembered. What's more, it has been 11 years. We were all so kiddish and ignorant.. Chatting about bits and pieces of memories that we both remember differently is simply hilarious. It is always times like this that i appreciate the invention of frienster. Hah.

Intensive Mugging
It shall begin TMR! i mean it.. i shd start before i cry! haha.. To all dear pals, whoever wants to mug outside, please jio.. i am looking for good spots to mug. i cannot stay at home- too much distractions.

2006-03-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

Stretched to my limits

Work, family, commitments, projects, reports are really streching me to my limits. Having a bad headache now(can the weather help a little? it is freaking heaty la!), but managed to finish my two projects' writeup.. Finally. Now that the written part is done, there is still presentation to go! One week to prepare.. I really hope that we have enough time. My individual presentation also next week. Though i have long prepared and taken the pics, i still have problems putting ideas together to put my point across.. It is going to be 20% of my entire course assessment.. Cant screw it man.. Need to get a top and new pair off heels before friday..have been wearing trh same set of clothes for my presentations! Grrr.. time for a change to freshen everyonr.. Helpless, but there is no way to escape the protocols. Heels are entering my life.. used to be feared, but now, i am starting to like and get used to them.. There are pros and cons.. one major being, the other has to be really tall for me to look up to.. haha.

Angela Chang's Campus Concert

Waha!Managed to have a breathe and let my hair down for her concert last friday. Her live was good! She simply made me like her songs even more! POwerfully small girl.. But, good things never last.. she was there for only half and hour! We have not even warmed out seats then enchore le! Sang a total of 5songs.. so little as compared to Ping Guan the last time round! Not shiok.. haah.. nonetheless, she is really pretty~

Charis and Jonathan's wedding

My cousin is so so so pretty! I seriously think that my cousin-in-law is blessed! haha.. Attended their wedding does make one happy and feel blissful for them. Thumbs up for all the planning and preparation. Everything went on so smoothly and good that one is enocouraged and motivated to get married soon! haah.. Sounds exaggerated, but i really mean it.. Though i dun want to and will not be getting married so so soon, when that daycomes for me, i want it to be beautiful like hers.. so prim and proper.. so sweet and beautiful.. She is really fortunate.. =) Guess that moment can be one of the most important for every woman..Feel so happy for her! heh..this is really stark contrast to my dear ming gor's wedding last month. I really got thrown off the thought of getting married after their wedding.. Everything was in a great mess and disorder.. quite a bad memory to have for a wedding day.. and he is our eldest grandson for my mum's side.. haiz...so screwd.. bottom-line.. good and detailed planning is really needed to make that big day beautiful.

Ma is not feeling well again.. Whenever she is down.. i will soon be.. mentally and physically.. What's more.. now is the deadline period.. Quizzez are on their way too.. my slack timetable doesnt really help much also.. attended only 3 tutorials and 1 lecture last week.. never feel so happy and right ponning ever.. Guess this is the price to pay for a three-year accelerated program..

Get well soon!!!!

i will survive!

2006-03-22T00:59:00.000+08:00

Bowling tournament

Haha.. kind if really lucky last sunday when we had the bowling tournament. I was glad to be paired up with wenrui, who is really good as he managed to groom a gao tu like me! haha.. Bhb i know, but just kidding la! I really had fun that day. This made up for the need to wake up so early on a sunday morning. We got second overall!! Haha.. lost to the top team by two points only! If only wenrui never tried his stunts.. haha.. but who cares, we all had fun! I am looking forward to spend the swenson voucher with the other two winning teams.. muahaha..Though the place brought back some should-be-forgotton memories, i cant be bothered with the fun.. Nothing to do with the alumni, it was just me and part of the memories. Nvm. Haha.

OlDer
Will be attending my cousin's wedding this coming Saturday. Looks like this year is a good year for marriages as this is my second invited wedding dinner for the new year. Suddenly, reality dawn on me again. We are all growing up, dating and marriage should not be viewed as being far from us. Scary! I dun want to grow up so fast! haha

On Leave
Exams is just three weeks away??? wah! cant stand it.. I really got to start studying.. ah! ~breathe in.. breathe out..~ i will survive and kill this devilish semester! On leave from band le.. but will go back if necessary..

Disappointed
Received the mail for choosing my specialisation already. NO option for my dream course.. it will not be available for my batch.. *faint* hopes dashed.

2006-03-15T01:10:00.000+08:00

Photos photos..
Went around taking pictures for my 114 presentation just now. Thought it would be kind of awkward and difficult.. but i was really lucky to have two great frens' help =p..as such the photo taking process turned out to be kind of fun.. haha.. It seems a little ironic as i have never appreciated p.m as much as i did just now..As i looked and tried to think of what kind of pics to take, i start to see more at the p.m. As the years passed by, my idea of p.m changed from a place with nice food to one that sells pirated cds and till yesterday..a place with nothing more than just snacks and civilians clothes. But after today's examination of the different kinds of food, my impression of it starts to change once a again.. Now, there is a greater sense of appreciation present.. haa.. i am not eliminating the possibility that this appreciation stems from the need to make sense of my presentation.. haha..

RAE
The week flew by like nobody's business.. was kind of glad that the event was over.. and is even happier and looking forward to the post event dinner from zu er.. haha..though i am not a glutton like what he calls us to be.. a treat is always something worth looking to.. =P

Final Destination 3 & Capote
2 very different shows that left thoughts as well as fear lingering...

Deadlines
A plan to organise my activities for the next 2 weeks throw me into a state of panick and fear that i am going to miss my bed once more.. two projects to be settled and done. Readings and films to be read/viewed and digested for my test(50% of total) next week..my presentation slides and preparation for in class assignment.. individual writeup as well as to start touching my text for my coming finals.. saddening thought! ah.. i need my 48 hours a day once more~

2006-03-01T00:02:00.000+08:00

Five

You. i am kind of disappointed. I really think that i have been proactive.. tried to maintain the relations.. tried to update you, tried to meet up.. just in attempt to keep in touch. But i have been sad to feel that those attempts were not really appreciated. Were they felt in the first place? The distance is widening.. definitely. But i seem to get the feeling that u dun mind. Maybe u think that i am oversensitive, but ya, it is ur insensitivity that is making me feel worse. i definitely hope that i am thinking too much.. Given the workload now and the never-seem-to-get-lost flu bug, i am really abit too tired to handle such emotional stuff.. Letter written but not given. Email sent but not acknowledged. hMM.. i really wonder what more can i do. I tried not to do anything today, see if u will contact me.. you didnt. i really find it weird. something is missing in this relationship. haiz.

u. u appear to be friendly, nice, amiable, easy-going and simple. But apparently, after a few incidents, i think that u r not as simple as i thought. U r deep..deep enough to scare me a little.. i thought of you as too harmless and beautiful already. i hope that things will not be too hard in the future.. but as of now, i think that it is not a too positive start. i am seeing another side of you. Please dun give me the feeling that you think that i am extra or that i am inferior to any of you. i am as competent, if not more. Silence is not always consent.

you. i am constantly worried. Please take care of yourself. you are really important to us. without you, i duno what will it be. you are the best.

YoU. i really hope that you will reconsider your decision. as much as i want to respect your decision, i am selfish. i really hope to have you around once more. i really feel the difference and i miss you all.

YOu never know that every little single thing u did/said can affect me.. be it directly or indirectly. Cant say that i am not emotional, but still, you will be surprise if you know what has been going on. nvm, i m grouchy

Two is a company, three is a crowd. This saying is never too old.

2006-02-23T10:41:00.000+08:00

Flu bug bugginggggggg

Tired.

2006-02-21T13:21:00.001+08:00

DOWN

Msn down

Hotmail down

wat can be worst? cant receive files to do the piling up work.

Opening a gmail acct soon.

People do take note.. my modes of communication is now reduced to yahoo mail (bass_tboner@yahoo.com.sg) and handphone. Seriously think that i am cursed.

Hair is standing.

Grr.

2006-02-10T23:56:00.000+08:00

MIA
i was totally not online for a week! Can anyone imagine that!? Gosh, even i myself dun believe it. Sometimes i really doubted if i belong to this new IT age.. haha. As a result of this, i got tonnes of mails and for some of the supposedly urgent stuff, i read it late. Oopz.. Too late for ammendments. I m sorry.. didnt mean to be irresponsible. Really sorry. i felt like being a hermit for a week and i did.

Him(s) n her
Quite an eventful week for me. Met quite a few people i haven met for some time. Some made my day while some simply spoils it. Of the 4 hims, 3 out of 4 made my day- so, i shall stop grumbling. haha. Not being a sexist here, it just happened that i bumped into guy friends more this week.. Really felt good catching up =) One of them was like my brother's friend la, my 2nd big brother who is my brother's best friend. Haven seen him ever since we shifted to bukit panjang.. saw him in NTU once, but he didnt see me.. and finally, met him again today.. i kept staring at him and he did the same.. seemed kind of dumb, but that was really what we did. Think he must be wondering what was my problem till he finally realised who i was as he exclaimed my name.. haha..so funny. Didnt expect him to remember my name after like 10 years.. so nice =) There is a she who spoilt my friday. What more can i ask to get a teacher better than her? Gosh. Really really haven been mad with a teacher ever since sec4. (-_- ''')

Recess = No recess
Though this semester is supposedly more slack, there are more individual assignments and work.. so, i can foresee how my recess week is going to be spent. How to study? The modules this sem are more theoretical and that means there should be minimal last minute studying. Help!

Valentine's Day
Going to be another highly commercialised day with lotsa expensive stuff to be sold everywhere..dear lovers, it is the thought that counts, save the money for a better dinner on any other day. With genuine feelings and chemistry, any day can be a Valentine's day..Happy Valentine's Day to all~

2006-01-30T14:11:00.000+08:00

A different Chu 1

First time in 20 years of my life living on this world that i spent new year in singapore. I have never thought that the feeling can be so weird. There is simply nothing much to do. Visited two of my relatives, one of them being my elder uncle and his family. He is my father's brother. And mind you, he is just like another mould of my dad just that they are of a different shade.. hahah.. By right, being the few Yeos in the family, we should be the closest and the more closely knitted cousins. Ironically, we are not. Instead, we sat in the living room and watched scv programmes. That silence was defeaning. Nothing came out from our mouths. My brother's girlfriend, visiting with us for the first time, was also shocked by the awkward silence. Really sad isn't it? All i can say is that we have never been close. Maybe they carried and played with me when i was a baby, but as a baby, how much can i remember from these two sisters? The first line that greeted me from one of them is, "oh AiLin, you have grown so tall!" ya, right, i have grown taller than both of them. Gone were the days when i raised up my head and stare at them telling myself that they are my dear cousins. Though distant we might feel, it is still a fact that we are the Yeos. I think it will be really sad when in the future(without our parents) we will turn out to be strangers who will never be in contact. I can foresee that coming. Sigh. Guess we are all pretty helpless about this. The age gap is one factor and the serious lack of contact is another. Nonetheless, there might be miracles. haa. One happy thing about this awkward visiting is that my uncle seems really happy. One thing, he dotes on his brother- that is my father. Second, think he loves my elder brother being the eldest Mr Yeo in my generation. Seeing my brother with his girlfriend, i can sense this underlying blissful feeling floating around in the big and silent house. haa..

happy new year too all! Cant wait to lay my hands on the table to...muahahah.

2006-01-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

CNY 2006

For the past 20 years of my life on this planet, my new year has always been spent in malaysia. Suddenly, mum says that we are not going back this year. Lost. Being one who always feel that malaysia has got more 'mood' for new year, i am reluctant to stay in Singapore. Just feel sad that i am going to stay home. Argh. However, on the other note, i can start to jio friends for new year gathering.. precisely due to the fact that i am always away, i can only go for gatherings in the second week. Now that i am so free suddenly, i feel lost. All of a suddenly, my "new year mood" is gone. Hopefully visiting to my paternal relatives can make up for this loss.

Individuality

I do appreciate differences, individuality and diversity. These are the things that make life interesting and exciting. Individuals i feel, should have their own style and characteristics. I am not saying that we should try too hard to be different but, at least have your own traits and unique characters. Everyone is special, so why cant you just be yourself? I am getting irritated. I am not trying to say that i am so unique and nice but ya, stop giving me the feeling that you are trying to be like me! Gosh, this kind of feeling is terrible. I have always thought that we are quite close friends and close friends are bound to share similarities. Ironically, i love that kind of similarities and 'chemistry' between friends. However, whatever you have been doing is not chemistry and it kind of turn me off. It starts to make me dread hanging out with you. Please please, i don't know how long i can stand this kind of irrtation if you call it. I am not trying to be an almighty to say that i am super cool or imitatable but ya, i just detest the idea of having someone who seem to dress and talk and feel like me. That is scary, isn't it? Then i might as well call you ailin right? Grrr...maybe i practicing a little exaggeration here but ya, that is what she is doing. I seriously prefer people who have a better sense of self. How nice is that to have what i shared with you broadcasted and twisted to your advantage? Guess you are a little more than who i think you actually are. Time to open my eyes wider.

Alright, i shall stop all my grumblings. It is New Year! Muahaha.. CNY resolution- go around visiting! To as many places as possible! May all get as many ang baos as possible! heehee..
4 days holidays! yeah!!!

Being in Singapore this time round, i shall be proactive and start organising gatherings. So, the following group of people(in no particular order) who read this, please sms me to say when u free if you are also interested in the gathering k? Then i will arrange a slot when most can make it. =)

1. 2d gang-- mahjong?? muahah..
2. Section-- go k song at chevrons like last year? or a simple gathering? 5th/12th
3. Jc pals, meet on chu san(31st jan) for mahjong?muhaha..
4. Xiao Xue gang-- lao gui ju, visiting ard bukit panjang? 5th/12th feb?

Sms me k?? and help me ask around..cos i am sure not all will read this in time or even at all.. haa..try to not tag as a response.. cos i might not read it myself.. hahah.looks like new year is nothing much but spending or trying to earn money. hahah.. good luck and fortune to all!

Pretty hopeful about what is going to go on in alumni. There seem to be many things to look into on agm on the 11th. Hopefully things will turn out well and smooth..Hopefully all can come promptly and contribute wherever possible k?

Have a happy, joyous and funfilled new year to all!

~~tata!~~

2006-01-21T08:15:00.000+08:00

Ang3 gong4 gong3
Guess my hair is something matching the New year this year. Maybe a little too jing bao for many but yeah, i am still pretty please with it. Though the colours i have chosen did not really appear, the resulting combi is not one that can be easily obtained. haa. I have chosen brown as my base colour, red as my highlight, but at the end of the few hours, i see more than two colours appearing on my hair. There is red, there is also a slight variation of red- pink, gold-which i dunno where it comes from, and of course the brown which turned out to be lighter than what i initially wanted. So, people can let your imagination runs a little wild to imagine me in my new hair colour now. =)

Cultural Night 2006
A reunion night for the chance to meet old friends who have not been in touch for so long. I am also glad to see some of the teachers who hasn't seem to change much ever since my graduation. And of course, not everyone has remained the same, some of the teachers who were Misses, have all turned to Mrs and one is even pregnant with a baby! wohaha..

The performance was alright, though not fantastically impressive, it was kind of touching to see the juniors performing and showcasing the various cultural performances all together. i believe, there are few other schools which have such an ability to have all cultural groups reaching and maintaining a certain level of excellence in their field of practice. Kinda proud to see that kind of ability in my school. =)

Tourism and hospitality specialisation
Waha, suddenly, i feel an urge and a constant motivation to study simply because if this new specialisation that will be implemented at the end of this semester to my Nanyang Business School! hhahah.. it seems like a dream come true for me as this course has never been in history, be implemented in Singapore! The 5 existing specialisations though interesting and useful, did not appeal much to me because i do not really have any special interest in any one of them. One reason for me to get into NBS is partly due to the hospitality course available in one of our exchange universities overseas. Now that it is available right here in Singapore, it just makes me feel so lucky to be at the right place. Haa.. No matter how much i have previously said to dislike school and uni life, i am now positively different. Guess it is the goal established that marks the difference in my attitude.Praying hard to really get in there.

Chinese New Year
Yay! 4 days hols for the coming weekend.. so happy=) i want to go new year visiting!! haah.. but before that, i have got to shop for more bottoms. Gosh, new year is one week away and i feel so unprepared.

2006-01-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

Turning 20..

The process of turning 20 was a really happy one. All thanks to my dear frens and my family.. those who rmb and those who even took the trouble to celebrate for me. I seriously felt like a little princess for the past few days.. all the way from 6th jan till 10th.. u guys really accompanied me through my birthday. *hugz* Everyday feels like a birthday even till now.. Thank you so much! Happiness and more happiness is all i have to say about this year's birthday.. really thanks alot all of you who have made my it a memorable one. For my 2d palz, no worries about not being able to meet up that day k,cos it is partly my fault to postpone the whole thing.. love you guys as well! haa.. My family has been sweeter this year too.. haa.. in the past, it will be a simple dinner at home with nice dishes cooked by ma.. but this year, we went fiesta! haha.. then everyone from my dad to my younger brother treated my extremely well.. dunno why, but they managed to make my day special and different from usual.. touched and nearly melted from head to bottom.. nearly cried again.. but luckily they didnt see the watery eyes..if not i am sure my tap will be turned on again.. Suddenly, i hope this little dream will never end. Dun feel like going back to face my tutorials that are stacking up..Boooo.

In short, turning 20 isn't as bad as what i thought. A really really BIG HUG and thanks to all my frens ranging from primary sch ones to sec,jc,uni and frens from alumni band..Thanks for all sweet msges,nice and expensive presents and cakes, sumptuous dinner and lunch.. Thanks for all the thought and effort put in k??? muacks. nOT trying to make a big thing out of my birthday, but just a sincere and thankful entry to thank all who made my birthday a memorable one.

All i know now is---to remain young, i have got to stay young at heart! haha..

I am getting closer to adulthood.

2006-01-06T10:05:00.000+08:00

Hey you-know-who..

you never fail to surprise me with so sudden and realli jing bao news. They either surprised or really shocked me to the limit. Don't worry and be happy k? Got anything to shout, to share, to cry or to laugh, feel free to look for me yea? msg,page or call.. yea, take care and remember, there is always sunshine after the rain, no matter how mild that is! =)

2006-01-05T15:15:00.000+08:00

hey, if u like someone got to let that person knows right? No point pondering,fussing and thinking so much alone. You have got to know how the other party thinks too. The worst u get out of a confession is rejection, when there is no confession, playing mental games can be more torturous than anything else. Be bold, for once. If there is pain or anything, it will heal with time. But if the outcome is positive, it will be so much happier and blissful. Words are often easier said than done, who doesnt know this? There are always so many things to hesitate, to worry and imagine, these nagging thoughts can be never ending. So, why bother? Follow your heart and face all that comes out from that decision. Good luck.

2006-01-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

HapPY BirThdYAY, AH fanG!

Now that it has just past midnight once again. I seriously dun know what is wrong with me, but i am sleeping less and less each day. After a havoc partying on 31st, i slept for 2hours and stayed awake almost the whole day till now.. it is 2nd of jan now. wah! really crazy me. Now that it is 2006, i shall have my resolutions written out in details after a brief one in the previous entry.

Guess i will once again optimise the usage of my time to the fullest once again. But for this year, more time shall be allocated for me to rest and more private moments for myself. Haa..sounds quite wrong, but all i mean is to get more rest and have more free time to do anything i feel like at that moment in time. Shall try to moved away from too much heavily packed activities, More self restraint! haa

Results will be an area of concern to work on. Though my grades are alright now, i shall not stay complacent as i believe i can do better. Though with that thought in mind, i will try not to stress myself with that cos i am one who perform better under less-stressed life. Shall just give my best.

More time shall be given to my family, play a more active part at home rather than being one who seems to be taking more than what i am actually giving.

Be a better tutor. Haa.. shall be my next resolution. Other than to achieve my strive to top up my bank account regularly, i shall really make sure that i will continue to try to improve their grades no matter how naughty and lazy they are. These are the reason why they need me and i shall do my part as nothing can give more satisfaction than seeing them really learn and get their grades improving.

As for alumni band, i hope that merger will be smooth and the band can tide through this period as it is a pretty crucial thing for the combined alumni. Once the merger is settled, there are bound to be changes and we will need time for the whole band to settle down and move on from there for the future as one band. Hope things will be smooth-sailing..

For this last little resolution, i shall be frank to say that, i hope to get a bf, who can be there to listen to me, be there to share all joy and laughter with me. Though i always say that i have no time for another person in my current life, there are still times when i wonder how different and good things might be to have a companion around. Think the one i need cant be a sticky type, he has got to know that we have got our own social circles and life too. Best if we have the same interest and liking, so can do stuff we like together..haa..sounds like a sweet dream..hee.. Still, i can only let nature takes it own course and can only say that, good things are worth waiting for. haa.

Let's see what's up for me in the coming year. haa..

2006-01-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

2006

How can i not blog on this nice and first new day of this going-to-be-great 2006? After a series of havoc and partying, 2006 creeped in quietly, sending 2005 to be another chapter in the archieves. Looking back, i seriously think that 2005 flew past me. Seriously,it did flew. Half a year was spent working in NYP, and the rest of the half was almost fully taken up by school, tuition and band. They are the fixed activities.. and of cos, my personal social life, with all the surprises, unexpected and funny, sad experiences took up the rest of my life in 2005.. Should really say that i have grown up and really seen more things that are happening. With such a rich and memorable history, i anticipate another fruitful 2006, to better enrich myself, to better cope with challenges and pitfalls in life. There is definitely more to be absorbed as i slowly approach adulthood--though a little reluctantly

2005-12-31T03:04:00.000+08:00

Sparks 4.2005.12.30

Over. In a twinkle of an eye, the first half ended. Haa.. like i have said, it was very dream-like. I felt a little of that during rehearsal, but it became true in the concert. Guess it must be the platform and the spot light that made everything so so dream-like. Though dreams are beautiful, they are often unclear and blur. That was not really good as this made me blur of what i was playing and confused over what should come out from me. Haa.. Nonetheless, i have enjoyed the concert.. I really do not want this day to end. Seriously.

The day was long.. went to plaza early in the morning to buy some goodies and souvenirs, met sinpei and then we went off to meet my twin outside dunearn sec. Yawns.. that seems like yesterday. haa..

Reached Yuhua on time, started wrapping the souvenir before going around doing and not doing stuff that i should do. Anyway, all was smooth as the buses and lorries arrived and we loaded up and set off for vch.

Running up, going down, running in , running out was what happened to me after that. It lasted for quite some time and finally rehearsal was here! Ms Chan ran through the important parts, we tuned, tried, adjusted and then, my stomach growled. haa.. added into the symphony of noise we were making and i was offered pork from my left. haaa.. okie, not funny, but ya, before long, my seemingly long-awaited dinner was there for me to indulge in!! Yum yum.. Dinner was great! Partly cos i was really hungry, partly cos it was really nice! haha.. thought of it makes me hungry again! muahaha..Apologies to all for the limited water supply as this year we are really on tight budget.. Soon..the real thing was there for us to go..

The crowd was late.. many were streaming in here and there.. But i was glad that at least they were coming in.. hehe.. Before i realised it, the first half was over.. All i rmb was Jason's solo! so so so beautiful! =) Really mesmerising.. wooooo~~~

Interval was hectic.. Hot and frenzy.. haha.. Received this call from a special guest who really managed to surprise me totally! haa.. thanks cheecheemon..for such a pleasant surprise! Really so happy to see you! Though i was a little disappointed initially when u said u cant make it, the fact that u turned up in the end and was even prepared with a flower really really made my day! =) *hugz* Met frankie after that.. haa.. thanks for the choco and the present too!(to fang and kim too!) haha, thanks for coming! hope u guys have enjoyed the concert! hee.. the eggs so cute.. dun feel like eating them! hhaa.. wing, as usual, was a little lagged.. haha.. but the time she was to come in with the rest, the first bell sounded..

Second half came and go as swift as a gust of wind.. haaa.. Love all those pop and light pieces. They definitely helped in bringing the concert to greater heights~Luckily my Sky High remained high after Disco Party III.. I was so worried that my lousy lips will die and bring down the sky.. phew~~ heehee.. Let's Swing was dreamy.. haha.. but it was fun, as in, i was totally into it that i didnt really know what went on.. oopz.. was that good? haha.. nvm...

The concert came to an end.. but my excitment and mood just kept rising.. i was even more overwhelmed when i went out to meet wing, alexis and fabian! Cos, other than the 3 of them, i saw Daniel! wahahah.. another pleasant surprise that made me so happy.. hhaha.. A Really big thank you for coming yea? *hug hug* see you guys tmr!

Other than all mentioned above, of cos i was glad to see beng,shu hui and wenwei.. ade, where art thou! i missed you! thanks for the lao po bing and pineapple cookies! nice nice! haa.. Didnt manage to see jinzhan too.. A note to ah lai, thanks for the effort to make the flowers ah..stylo but they didnt last long..nonetheless, it is the thought that counts! =) Dear kailin, thanks for the flower and letter ya? muacks~

Too much more to be said.. With all these excitement and happiness.. there was more to be expected from me was all that i can say. I know i was not up to expectation, but ya, dun expect too much from me is all i can say?Sound really loser but ya, it is that much that i have tried and gave. Maybe more could have been done, but nvm, all's over.

Love Sparks 4, love section, love all who has supported and helped me all this while. *big hug* nitey.. it is 4.12am now. Time to ZZzzzzzzzzz.. tmr still have to wake up for tution! woshhh~~ hahha. nitez!

2005-12-25T00:47:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to you-know-who

hEY.. dunno if you will come to read my blog this time round, but i am dedicating this entry to u for sharing that jing bao news with me on the eve of christmas eve! haa.. hope you know who you are cos you said u dun want your name to be mentioned this time round. I m not going to say that u r shuai or cool or anything to lie to you.. but ya.. i am happy for you! hahaa.. and i am hope i was of some help though i dun think i really helped much. Anyway.. congrats! hahaha.. happy for you! haaaa.. leave me a tag if you read this k, you-know-who.. hahah.. I somehow feel that i shd have left much earlier, cos things did not seem to turn out the way it should be.. but i seriously apologise for any unhappiness resulted due to me k? hope to see you soon and have a Merry christmas!
P.s. dun ask me who is you-know-who, cos no one else is supposed to know other than the 2 of us.. haahaha.. sorry but ya.. nothing too juicy to share too.

For all my dear friends.
Merry Christmas to all out there.. a really quiet christmas for me this year.. but i am glad to have my friends with me all this while. yeah! Silence is bliss too. May all of them have a pleasant new year and a smooth 2006 with their wishes granted. For those attached, may u guys have everlasting and sweet love ahead.. for those singles, dun worry, love will start knocking on ur door in the coming 2006.. hahaa..All the best!

2005-12-23T13:24:00.000+08:00

...... ...

Why cant i be more firm and assertive? Guess i need to be , if not, my point will not get across. Argh. Though the holidays are ending soon, I am not really that sad as i am pretty optimistic about the new year. Cannot really explain why, but ya, simply happy. haha..

Met Cheecheemon and gang yesterday. Though a pretty short meeting, it was a nice one as it had been a long time since we gather. Seeing them, i can't help but miss my piglet cos she is our kai xin guo in the group--"piglet, i miss you!"

My 1000 pieces jigsaw is on its way to completion.. haahaa. hopefully i can get it done before the new school term.. cos if not, i will have no space on my table! muahahaa..

Sparks 4 is coming... pretty excited and i am happy that tickets sales are moving! haha.. yeah! hopefully all will turn out well and we will not give ms chan too big a heart attack. hee. To all those who are reading this, if you have not bought the tickets, msg me k? hahaa.. i will reserve tickets for u! Hope to see those who can make it.. =)

hOLs are ending..

2005-12-22T01:46:00.000+08:00

Ongoings..
Went to Sentosa on Mon with my section. This is a different section from the one i usually hangs out with. This section is made up of my little juniors and i m the oldest in the crowd! How great a consolation that is for someone turning 20! Gosh.. hanging around with them just made me feels so old.. gosh.. cant stand it. Luckily i had Vicky, who managed to make me feel more at ease.. whahhaa.. No matter where we go, be it the bus stop, walking home, playing by the beach, Vicky and i will be following behind them.. and for the things they do(other than playing beach volley), we will watch them and kind of look out for them-- so much so i feel like a nanny! alamak.. Really cant hang out with them for too long as i will not remain sane. Anyway, i was there for xinran and weiran, who will be leaving Singapore to further studies in Canada at the end of thi month.. thinking that it is the first time they are inviting us for a section outing, i bangsei my classmate and went out with a bunch of kids. woah. One thing to note was that xinran and weiran have also outgrown the kiddy stage and i was glad to be able to catch up with them =) Hope that they will have an enriching time there... Bon voyage, twins!

Back
Mum is finally back from malaysia.. missed her..hahah.. though she was only back for a few days to look after garandma, things were kind of different.. i was so tired out.. haha.. not that i did a lot of housework, but the fact that i need to do the washing and basic maintenance of daily household chores over and above my out-of-house committments is a little hectic. Can totally understand and really admire the formidability of how my mum manage her work and household at the same time.. zai! ahha..was really relieved to hear that grandma is eating and sleeping well nowadays as happiness is the cure to all illness.. as long as she is happy, life will pass by faster and easier~ cant wait to see her back on her feet again =)

Surprise!
haha.. received a long distance call from our beloved and 'wanted' Mr ang.. hahaa.. So responsible and nice of him to actually call just to check and see if everything is going on fine at the tuition center.. No wonder the kids like him so much.. i was so happy to hear from him that for a moment, i thought he was back in Singapore. haha..So envious that it is actually snowing over there and he had conquered mount cook already! Gosh! so zai.. haa..see ya back soon!

Results...school..new semester..
Finally out.. at least the results are much better than what i have expected.. think it always help to be prepared for the worst as the happiness resulted from better outcome is hence greater. wahaha.. Hopefully next sem will be better especially since the modules are supposedly more manageable. Keeping my fingers cross.. MOre are coming in for the next sem, and i guess it is time to get my priorities right once again. i have already decided certain stuff and actions that are going to affect some people.. i m sorry but i sincerely hope to get those involved to respect my choice and decision. Taking up new challenges and letting go of some is a must..

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
This is one of the rare years that i do not have the mood and feel for christmas.. that kind of means i feel tired mentally, i m getting old too..that sounds really bad but fairly true. I have not taken the initiative to organise any christmas gathering but luckily, my pals have all been so nice and spontaneous to organise gatherings that i can attend with no fear of regret over the new year.. haa.. Cant wait to meet up with u guys! A merry christmas and a happy new year to all~

loSt

2005-12-16T02:41:00.000+08:00

Kinda lost and don't know how to move on. Interpersonal relationships can be puzzling and hard to handle sometimes. I will not say that i have super good EQ.. but i can say, somebody just don't have it. Really don't know what i can do anymore. I am not feeling helpless, just that things are just not happening the way it should be. I can't bring myself to say that i am not going to bother anymore, but still, there is this lingering thought for me to say goodbye. alamak. I think we need to talk. Nvm

He is coming back again. Can't stand it. I don't want to be unfriendly, and at the same time i am trying hard not to give any wrong impression. All i can say is that every line that i typed or said, was typed with a tinge of disgust, especially when he becomes too friendly. Gosh, aren't i hypocritical? Cant stand it. But just dun want him to think that i am avoiding. But oh please, don't you find it weird to act shou again after so long? Gosh. wake up! Yea, please continue to think that i am busy. Argh.

Can things be spaced out evenly?Please dun let all good/bad things come together.. as i am not too sure how much can this seemingly strong me take. ha. tired.. shall sleep now.

moUnT OpHIR

2005-12-09T10:57:00.000+08:00

mOUnt oPhIR

Disapointment. What a word to start commenting on a trip right? I went on the trip with great anticipation, hoping to reach the summit and enjoy the scenery from the mountain top. But, due to the large group size the time we took to scale the mountain is dragged and prolonged. At that rate of scaling, we were unable to reach the summit at the targetted time and get down before dusk. In the end, we ended up scaling only half the mountain,descending earlier than expected. Sigh.. the whole purpose of the trip was defeated. Who to blame??? Mainly the planning com, partly the physical strength of the members. Not everyone will have the same physical strength, that is something to be anticipated by the trip i/c, as such, group size should be kept small so that it is easier and more safe to travel as well. Smaller group is definitely easier to handle and the higher the chance of conquering the mountain. But, from the maximum pax of 18 people, it was increased to 27, almost up by 10 people. Technically speaking, this group is too big. Frankly speaking, if this big group consist of fun and interactive people, things would not have been that bad. But, it is just our luck to get a clique-ish lot who does not seem too wiling to mingle around other than be with their own group of friends. The leader also made no attempt to break the ice, niether did he ask for a buddy system to ensure the safety of his participants. Call himself a leader, call himself an i/c. Lousy is what i have to say to him. Though i have no experience leading a group of people on an overseas trip, some of the bear minimum that should have been done was just not quite there. Will u leave an injured participant alone to the care of a guide to bring her downhill and leave her all alone there while the rest of the members scale the mountain? Not to say that i do not trust the guide, but, who knows what will happen to her? Even after she is brought safely to our base camp, she is there to be alone in the wild for the rest of the 6 to 7 hours. Moreover, it is her first attempt on such a trip.

Anyway, the trip was not such a gone case when these unhappiness graudually pushed the non-clique-ish people together. And due to this, we made new friends and had a lot of fun on our own. I turned out to be the "rebellious" lot in the trip, but it is simply no point sticking to a half-hearted i/c leaving most of the task of leading to his counterpart while he enjoys his small honeymoon and unfair share of authority. bleahhhhh..Got to know a bunch of nice and really cute people..they include Libin,Pangren,Richard,bert and yenleng..Frank and jovial is what i like about them. At the end of the 2nd day, the 5 of them, together with me and fang, ended up booking a resort room, had our heavenly toilet and bed, leaving the wild and the natural to the group of anti-socials.. To be fair to all, not all of them are that anti-social, but all i can say is that they do influence one another and in general, they just send a negative signal to stop me from being friendly. Grrr..

Nonetheless, the last one and a half days were fun because of the new friends fang and i had made. We sang, ate and crapped our way..Under the guidance of bert, we left the group at larkin terminal and headed for our own seafood feast! muhahaha.. yum yum.. it is so nice.. the stingray, the sambal sotong, the he bo..whahaha..

Reached home at 1142 there about finally. Not to think about the disappointments, i have enjoyed holiday! Though a twist from what i have initially expected.

Nothing can describe the aching pain

2005-12-04T01:18:00.000+08:00

She is not getting any better. Now is almost close to being bed-ridden. She has also shrank so much since the last time i saw her. The once healthy looking and beautiful granny looks so different. She greeted me saying,"ailin, wai po is no longer the wai po u knew le" Looking at her made my eyes watery, i did not even want to stay in the room with her though i know i should keep her company. Her health is still in good condition.. just that after 2 falls, her legs have weakened and i guess she has got a fear to walk on her own again. She is 84 already, cannot blame her for that actually. I can really feel that she is lonely- how can she not be when she is to stay in the room alone most of the time? My cousins and relatives cant be by her bedside 24-7 a day as they have got their lives to live also. I have also witnessed the care and concern showered to her over these months. However, there are bound to be problems staying together under one roof, no matter how close they are to each other. Being more like a visitor on my part, i can somehow feel the frustrations, irrtation, weariness from one side as well as the loneliness, the cry for attention and need for companion from the other. What can this long distance-Singaporean grand-daughter do?? Talk to her and try to make her happier with the short time i have with her. And yet, i didnt stay with her for long, cos looking at her, i just cant bring myself to smile, not to say try to cheer her up- no matter how much i want to. Can sense that she is trying to keep us by her side. Can also sense her boredom lying on the bed most of the time. I have tried to coax her to let me piggy-back her to move around the house, to bring her downstairs to the living room, to get her out of that room but she just cant overcome her fear. i feel so helpless.. She definitely needs attention and patience to bring her back on her feet, but who can do it? I can sense my relatives losing their patience.. it really really takes a lot of effort to look after an elderly. One day experience on my mum's part has proven so already. The thing that ached my heart most is when she asked me, "ailin, will i get better?", "ailin, i have such a bad life,i can do nothing but depend on people for everything and lie here all day till my death" She was so pessimistic that i went speechless and felt utterly useless sitting beside her. All i can do was to sit by her and listen to her. Mum is feeling no better.. there are just so many things for her to think and worry. ah! Guess it is really true to say that elderly are just like kids who needs the attention and care. BUt it doesnt really seem like an easy to understand point as kids are usually treated as treasures while elderly are burdens. If the care and attention given to kids can be given to grandparents equally, things will certainly be better. All i can say is no one is at fault, but a better plan is definitely needed to take care of this treasure.

i miss her.

My holidays

2005-12-01T02:09:00.000+08:00

One more month to go before my holidays end..muahahha...

Pretty excited about my ophir trip next week, hope i have the stamina to endure till the summit.. heheh..Lacks exercise but i shall try my best!!

Yay~

Finally started on the 1000 pieces teddy puzzle that had been resting in my cupboard.

Should say teddies, their fur are mostly brown, but different shades..challenging but i like it.. hahah.. that's the point of fixing a jigsaw, the fun and satisfaction of piecing everything together.. =p

Next up will be to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire..i supposed the crowd has cleared.

Now is to find the time to watch with ah fang. woohooo~~

Will be relieving qw's tuition classes soon..

feeling abit excited and yet abit scare of what is awaiting me..

Cant help but get the feeling that i cant get away from tuition. Ha.

Was considering giving up my own tuitees to find another long term part time job, starting this dec and yet, i am taking up another tuition job, Hai..

i just can't bring myself to give up--both on them and on myself.

New resolution for 2006- "be a better tutor"

This is said easier than done.

They are getting out of hand, and my time is like getting shorter. Grrr..

Patience is definitely needed. Phew..

Noise level going up but grades going down..

Guess they are getting too comfy with me..

New techniques needed.

Shopping trips are to be backed up financially.

I should be more thrifty.

Should try harder.

But the things out there are simply too attractive and distracting.

tsk tsk.

*shake head*

30th Dec.730pm.Victoria Concert Hall.Sparks 4!

Calling all concert goers and my dear frens..

Come and watch this concert by Yuhua and River Valley Combined Alumni band!!

Do show ur support as the alumni are burning their weekends to practise!!

It will be a GOOD show! Definitely..

cos.. i m one of the players..haah..just kidding..i m not that good..

pOP and light pieces will be played.

That means, u wun fall asleep as the pieces will be familiar and pleasant to your ears..

Do not belittle yourself by saying that u cant appreciate music.. this concert will prove you wrong! Guess i'll make a good promoter. Contact me for tix k??

Please give support!!

post exams

2005-11-17T00:58:00.000+08:00

Exams finally over. Glad, happy,elated,relieved,freed..whatever that is positive.. never felt so deprived before.. too much of liberty and unrestraint life the past half of the year must be the reason for my sickness towards a routine and mandane studying period. Seriously never felt so deprived of free time before..My concentrating span is definitely lower, keen-ness to study is definitely not there even though there was a need to. Worse still, when i was supposedly studying, i did not seem to be absorbing. Anyway, everything is over now.. i have tried my best.. or rather.. gave my best attempt to do what i can..and now, it is time to relax and at the same time, think of how to pull up my grades in the next sem..thats it.. moving on to my holidays..

Watched "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" today. a really nice and thought provoking show i must say. It makes you think twice about religions and faith, science and emotions. The trial scenes reminded me of "To Kill A Mockingbird" when issues regarding race, religions and prejudice are put on trial. Though the two stories are different in their plots, one thing that ties the both together is the conflict and contradiction between impartial justice and the beliefs, emotions and judgements that cannot be explained by only facts and proof. How to you prove sympathy, love or feelings for someone? How could one explained the presence of supernaturals unless they have personal experience with it? Subjectivity and possibilities are the main concerns that make the verdict a dilemma. In the case of Emily Rose, it is the conflict between the belief, possibilities and scientific facts that make the whole issue controvercial. Facts, no matter how true, leaves no room for possibilities and uncertainties. And how useful are facts in the ever-changing, you-never-know-what-will-happen-tomorrow's world?

Kind of affected by the movie.. convinced, not by either side but both of them. The facts do have their point, the beliefs are supported too..I always believe that religions are highly subjective and controvercial..because they have many implications and effects. Be it the devotes, or any other believers or non and for Emily Rose, it was her life at stake. Based on a true story, the reality hit me pretty hard and I do not know how to describe my feelings now, there is a tinge of sadness, and at the same time, pain and fear. I wonder how much of the show is based on truth but it is definitely a show worthy of our time, i should say. Being a believer of possibilities, anything can happen in this world, no matter how absurd it might seem to be..Catch it if you can, but there are certain parts that are pretty tramatising and freaky that i jumped and hid behind my jacket.haas

Down

2005-11-11T23:10:00.000+08:00

Sinking deeper..

pre-exams

2005-10-29T15:55:00.000+08:00

now i finally experience the peak that chang loong once commented about uni life.. bloody peak!~ but how come i never seem to experience the trough?? that seems really unbalanced yea?? weird. why is it always my batch to experience the new stufF?? first was pw.. now is the gpa system where everything under the big big sun has got to count. No time to breathe. Done with projects, now is exams. think my batch is really super if we think back on the things we have done for the pass three months. Phew.. more oxygen is definitely needed.. and i am kind of balding?? haha.. cant help but be exaggerating here.. i want time to do things i like!! alamak.. that brings me to my point of whether i m in the right course for myself. though a bit too late now.. i am keeping my finger cross about next sem. I feel that i have worked hard, if not at least more effort and time than others around.. but the results i m getting is just not equal the effort put in.. this is kind of or rather very irritating and frustrating.. i am feeling really tired and demoralised.. effort put in, no results.. might as well not do anything right??? but still.. i cant put it down. irritated... just hope that i can pass all modules.. so that i can at least still get my honours. saviour needed!! i tried to think of what went wrong, then there are 3 conclusions.. 1. i am getting more stupid. 2. i m not suitable for business at all and 3. these modules are not my area of knowledge.. in fact, very far indeed. everything is new and super new... concepts, facts, techniques..

i miss band prac. i want hols!

Wait Till You Grow Old

2005-10-19T01:07:00.000+08:00

Watched this show finally.. though a pretty common plot, the twist towards the end surprised me and the ending touched me alot. It has been ages since i cried watching a show/movie. Though there are parts that are unrealistic, the moral behind the story is pretty true and close to heart.. like the movie =) It just reminds us to live life to the fullest no matter how little time or energy we have.. never regret today or give up on tomorrow.. rather motivational.. heehee.. Another thought that i brought home from the show is that.. things on the surface might not be the things that are true.. What we see and know might not be the right and the one to be believed.. this dawns on me because i am one who tend to believe things and take things at face value.. seldom take effort to think twice and deeper.. and now.. i think indifferently! haha..

Anyway.. happy birthday, Ms Chan! hahah.. dun think i will be back this sat.. intensive mugging got to start tmr!

Down

2005-10-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

Nothing can really cheer me up nowadays..people around me are simply disappointing.. all only care for themselves.. irritation. Guess everyone is made even moodier by the never-seem-to-be-ending projects.. gosh.. exams are three weeks away and we are still struggling with projects?!? What is this? To date, in a short time span of about 3 months, we have done a total of ten projects.. with only 2 ungraded.. guess it is a pretty shocking number when we calculate the total number of projects we will deal with annually.. gosh..think now is really tht time when the going gets tough..what's more... if i fail any modules this sem, or rather any sem, i will NOT get my direct honours.. my hair is practically standing whenever i think of this.. dying of suffocation..

I need a break. nitez.

my cough is not helping at all.

Skeptism

2005-10-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

i just dunno why, but i am seriously getting more and more skeptical with things and people around me.. whatever that happens, i can no longer trust or choose to believe like what i use to do in the past anymore. Uni life simply made me see more kinds of people.. good or bad up to one to judge.. i just keep telling myself to be less trusting.. and this doesnt make me feel good at all.. anyway.. ya.. pretty disillusioned.

Please do not take anyone around you for granted.. people always tend to treasure friends whom we meet less frequent..although that is inevitable.. but that does not give an excuse to take people around you for granted. .sometimes, just a remark or sign of concern can mean alot.. really alot.. silence is not always golden.. i seriously think that anyone, no matter how strong, how iron- fisted or how independent.. will have a soft and vulnerable side where love, care and concern needs to be showered.. Everyone has got emotions..a soft pad on the shoulder or a hug can really make someone's day..sigh....

Really tired.. cant wait for the term to end and have my holidays.. but before that, i seriously hope that my projects can be done really quickly so that i will have time to study.. really do not wish to repeat any modules... sos!! i need time to study!!!

( '-' )

2005-09-25T16:03:00.000+08:00

"If you want something, you cant afford to be passive!"

This is a line that i come up with recently and has started to like it as the days go by. It serves as a form of motivation for me to work hard and strive towards my goal. Ya.. that brings me to what is my goal.. to get into my choice of specialisation at the end of my first year? Every other thing is on hold? ya.. i think so. Played tarot cards with wee,xinru,mei and vicky yesterday.. guess the analysis is pretty accurate.. at least i can draw the links and see them together.. intuition,blockage,self-sacrificial,merciful,decisive,prosperity... Pretty interesting i must say.. shall play it again! heehee

I am finally back on track and in control of my life once again.. after so many things that happen in the past few months.. plus the jump and adjustment i have got to make to adapt to uni life.. i have settled down.. finally. ha. Guess the things that happened were not really that GREAT and unmanageable..just that everything seem so crammed and tied together that i didnt have a breathing place to think, to react and do what i should have done. They were pretty overwhelming happening together.. glad that they are over.. i have grown to accept certain things, certain people and better understand myself.. clearer of what i want currently.. my priorities.. guess the next step will be better time management..more self enrichment? hah..

"Being single by choice and being single by nature"

is another line that i find interesting.. So what if we are single by choice or not? why should we be so bothered? Ya, i dun deny that 19 years old is a prime time to get attached and find a nice partner to taste the sweetness of love.. but still.. that is not everything ba.. i am one who seriously believe in fate to bring people together and at the same time, we have a choice to make things work out or not..anyway.. i think i am just blabbering again.. bottomline- getting attached is not the only thing in life.. good if have..nothing to lose and more time to spare if without =)-- with this mentality now.. it increase my likelihood of becoming an old spinster..hahahah

Anyway..contented with my life now.. buddies around me, good class, fantastic section, nice project mates, happy family, pretty obedient tuitees.. enough sleep and healthy body.. nothing more to ask for presently.. contentment is happiness ba?

really got nothing much to say le.. tata

oVer

2005-08-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

i think everything has come to an end. Ya, i think so. i do not know if i was the one who ended it.. but guess it was the things i have done ba. The past few days have been hell.. project preparation, tuition, project again, then pia tutorials.. maybe that is how i am really like when the workaholic me is busy-- cold and unfeeling.. those around me will more or less be affected. i am sorry but i cant help it. However, i have also been thinking amidst the tight schedule, and thought that i have arrived at a conclusion.. however, the sudden coldness now is making me feel uncomfortable..fickle-minded and undecided.. selfish also..thought that i will be relieved, but, now, i find myself feeling abit sad.. hopefully i will have no regrets. Anyway, i got into the odac sub-com.. more activities. Maybe what he say is right, i am too independent, too busy..but i thought that is mostly for this week and the next only.. i believe i'll settle down soon..this is also good to a certain extent..at least we got to know what is best for us,what we want. i hope that i am just being abit too emotional here..what i have done is right. ya. right..thanks for everything.

wats up and down

2005-08-17T12:45:00.000+08:00

Haven been updating ever since school started. I think thats me ba. When there is work to do, my online time is naturally reduced. Anyway, i think that the things that are happening around me recently are a little bit overwhelming for me to cope altogether. First, there is school and school work to be handled. There are like so SO many presentations and things to prepare la. Due to the fact that 2 out of my 3 tutorial classes take place on monday mornings.. my sundays have just become my mugging days. So sian diao la.. every sunday night is spent doing my tutorials..sound so no life huh? Guess i shuold really start planning my time well and keep my sundays free for relaxation. Due to my super bad flu last week, things are stagnant as in, many things are left undone! gosh.. i owe my tutees more tuition sessions and that means more nites occupied and taken away.. bleah.. cant i just stop complaining? haha...

Decided to join Odac for my cca in uni again.. guess this is going to be a little different from nj oac..cos, we do not have weekly trainings!! Yeah yeah.. but that means i got to stay fit on my own to be able to cope with the activities that are to come. I went for the sub com interview yesterday.. though i dun really need the points and stuff, i just want to be part of the big family to better enrich my uni life? haha.. cos i think if we do not join any cca in uni.. life is just going to be studies and going out with frens u have already known or maybe your new classmates. that is like a routine.. so guess i am looking for something new? haha

School,cca and friends.. there are really some people whom i miss and want to meet up but time is like never enough. Phew.. And one more thing, if i didnt reply anyone's msg.. please forgive me.. cos this month my bill is going to BURST and EXPLODE like a bomb and i am going to clear up the debris my digging my own pocket.. so sorry to those i didnt reply on time.. i will try to get back to ual via other means k? so screwd. .if got anything ual want to say, tell me or ask.. feel free to call me k? help me make full use of the free incoming calls i have.. heehee..

Went out to meet frankie and marcus last sun.. i miss them so much till i saw them. Now i think i miss yj and kim more.. cos that two stupid babooons actually bullied me the whole afternoon! Haven feel so tortured and geked for a long time le.. exasperation man! nonetheless.. they are jokes that i can take and i guess these are the things that help us bond and really click! haha.. sound as if i enjoyed being bullied.. but ya..hope my point is understood. The two of them huh.. really ultimate.. never fail to amuse me with their niao-ness, frankness, cuteness and silly-ness.. haha.. love them man! better dun let them see this entry..if not they are going to say that i am siao again.. haha..this just make me realise that they nv read my blog! tsk tsk..hahha.. but that also means that i can write more bad things about them?! haha.. fang n jing, u better keep wateva u read to urself..haha..

band has also started.. and as usual.. i have got to brush up and improve on my skills more!! especially when i am the only bass player now.. gosh. all my juniors bangsei me to not play for this concert and my senior? super qiang la, jumped to first liao lo.. leave me to die! haha.. kidding la.. got to really improve.. i hope i can.. by playing only once a week.. alamak. Band is now pretty small..and i hope the year twos who have said they want to play, will come back to play after their As.. This shall really be our FULL concert man.. need everyone to make it possible!! really ah... keeping my fingers cross.. i think we can do it..

i dunno if wat i am doing the right things now.. but i really hope so. .guess doing what i feel like doing should be correct ba.. at least i will have no regrets.. haha. yup. thanks for everything.

Finally feel like writing

2005-07-30T01:40:00.000+08:00

Read a friend's blog just now.. Motivated me to write after slacking for so long. . School has started, my supposed new life has began.One month before it actually starts, i was looking forward to it as i think i will have a more routined and fun life meeting new people. Two weeks before it starts, i start to regret wasting my time.. started to hope that i have more time to spend before school starts.. woman cant help but be contradicting sometimes huh?

Now that i am finally in school, things are really overwhelming i can say. The school is not very very big, neither is it small.. but running around can be trdious sia.. one minute i am at the north spine enjoying my terriyaki chicken don, the next i am quickening my foot steps to go to the photocopying room at south spine to print my lecture notes as the photocopying room in the north spine library was too crowded.. Before i know it, my forehead is wet.. drips of persperation ran down my cheeks.. Cant the whole school be air-conned? was what xiao hong exclaimed that amused me..

Every printing room was so so crowded la.. and my new printer only arrived today.. the past few days were pretty shitty.. being a big big computer illiterate, the high tech ntu portal was kinda a mystery sometimes.. just like today, fang and i purposefully went to school early for brunch and then print notes from the online system.. in the end, with both of us being lousy with the system and foreign to the library operations, we decided to sos and call for help. Luckily, got xiao hong to lend us notes to photocopy. Guess photocopying machine is still my favourite.. though the cons is the need for cash card.. which i dunno where to get in the big campus. . like yesterday, i first pestered my ogl for the location of a nearest photocopying room then msg him again to ask for cash card purchase and so on.. bleah.. finally got my cashcard today.

Kk.. enough grumblings.. super duper high expenditure this week.. so many things that need money, money and more money..textbooks, lecture notes, applications for this and that...pheww~~cant stand it..hope to settle down soon..

Lectures were ok till today's stats lec.. wah.. firstly.. the indian slang of the lecturer does not help..sorry but i am not being racist here.. but the dry and theoritical stats lec was really super boring and monotonous..cant understand certain parts cos it was difficult.. then the speed and the slang of the lecturer and the heaty afternoon simply combined forces and made things worse.. the two hours felt like four..yee...tutorial starts next week.. hopefully will meet nice people as i have not found anyone in the same tutorial class as me yet! Got to get separated from fang and my og biz mates le..only can be together in lectures.. keeping my fingers cross..

consiDEr and thInk prOPerly

2005-07-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

Can u please make up ur mind what u want? Though some things cannot be explained rationally,they still need to be sorted out ya? Maybe you are too rational and just cannot abandone your thoughts to your feelings. There is fear, there is anticipation and there are worries. One step at a time? You want to move on and maybe away. You know you need to anyway... You are scared that you got too used to it that it will be too late to say goodbye. You can sense that you are getting used to it. Days when you get nothing, you will hope for something. Days when you get something, there will be a faint smile and tinge of happiness and joy.But still, there will be period of time when you want to hold back. Are you being abit selfish here? Follow your heart is what people say. But how easy is that? Think your are a troublesome person, think much,act slow and react weird. Stupid gal. Please let all anticipation and stop wasting people's time. Leave each other alone? Time is the best pulling agent. Ya. Shall be it.
Let nature takes its course?

UOC Camp 2005

2005-07-18T00:40:00.000+08:00

6 days 5 nights camp over in a twinkle of an eye..

Weariness was one thing and fun was another. I am really glad to have known a group of friends who are nice and fun to hang out with. Nice freshies, nice Ogls, fun activities and most importantly, the friendship i have found. Though i am not too sure whether our friendship will and can last, at least i quite like my og people...as well as my seniors who took great care of us..

Guess this camp had exposed me to quite alot of things and people.. guess uni life is going to be a big jump for me.. hope i can really grow up soon..haha. The most exciting thing i have done will be the dive i have taken from the platforn that is 5 metres tall from the ground. i actually managed to jump into the pool successfully without experiencing much pain..it was so so scary that i could felt my heart skip a beat and dropped down the 5 metres.. phew~

Another point event worth remembering will be the wlak through the canal or rather long kang when we got to see the dirty canal and the weird scribblings on the wall.. where on earth will we get a chance to walk and explore the underground canal in singapore unless you are in the army?

I also like the last two days that we spent at changi aloha chalet.. it was so so so shiock to have a chalet of our own with four big rooms,one kitchen, one dining room, three toilets and a big living room all to ourselves.. shuang! haha

One thing that i feel numb about the camp is the need for guys and gals to get pair up almost all the time..this is so true especially when we play games..the close contact we get huh.. really makes me so paiseh and self conscious sometimes..dunno whether it is a good thing or not. One thing is that now i am not so scared of guys, but second thing will be that we are not that close to get close.. sounds funny.. but ya.. i feel as if i have been through a sdu camp..haha.. it is like a secret agenda of the uni to actually pair people up for the rest of their lives.. funny...but one good thing that i seriously feel good abt is the fact that the guys in my group are all pretty gentlemanly and are really thoughful and nice.. applause to them..haha. the gals are nice too..got innocent ones..got cute ones.. also have pretty ones..

Another big thing that happen was the disclose of the fake freshie truth.. from day 0 of the camp onwards, there have been a fake freshman in all the groups and for my group, we were the most innocent and naive to not know this and trusted this supposed senior as real freshman and fren.. phew... to learn the fact that he is actually a senior pretending to be freshie is like a slap in the face and we felt so cheated.. gosh.. wat a joke to play la.. but luckily, the bonds made manage to diffuse all anger and exasperation that make the truth acceptanle after a while.. now, it is actually a good topic to discuss and decide to let which of us pretend as a freshie next year if we are to take over..

However, through this camp, i have found out another saddening fact about myself-- lousy at conversations and quiet when i am with a new group of friends. I am always slow to warm up and interact with new people.. stumble and fell over my words when talking to cute people..dreaming and wondering off when my frens are talking.. in the end, i became blur and not sure of what was going on. *dotz*

Anyway, hope to keep in touch with this group of friends..

=(

2005-07-07T09:34:00.000+08:00

Received a call from my cousin yesterday. Calls from malaysia are usually filled with warm greetings and pleasant updates. But for yesterday, i heard a quiver in her voice- the anxiety and fear all compressed in a cool and trying-to-be calm voice. I sensed that something was not right,and she said it was regarding grandma and she wants to talk to mummy. Questions after questions start to zoom into my mind.. what happen to my dear granny who is supposed to celebrate her 84th birthday with all of us this sat? Is she alright? What is going on? I was sure that jie was not calling to ask about the celebration...wai po!!!

Due to the clash of events on the 9th of july, i was not able to go back to malaysia. Initially i was only a little guilty for not making myself available for that day and had already prepared my present for her.. now that granny has collapsed and is a little semi-conscious, i feel so guilty and unfilial. She is the only grandma i have seen and interacted since young, living far away from her is already a disincentive to treat her well.. what am i doing!!!

Now it is suddenly clear to me that the thought of losing someone dear to you is so painstaking that your heart seems to be bumping round in a moment and stopping in another. Cant take it. I am going back to malaysia with ma later. I want to see wai po.

Went for a jog just now, felt slightly better. On my way round my neighbourhood, i saw so many grannies doing their morning exercise. Every single one of them reminds me of her. She was also like them, healthy and beautiful, always wakes up early in the morning and you can see her moving round the house helping out with some light household chores. Why is life so fragile and everything so sudden? I really hope that she will be well really soon...please...

(+_+)

2005-07-03T22:33:00.001+08:00

Went for VSA camp

Rearranged most of my photos neatly in my com--next will be to develop them

Cut my hair

Cleared my room-- but it seems to be getting dirty once again..vicious cycle.. alamak

Went to Malaysia to meet Sis Coco

Met up with primary school friends

Went to alumni bbq

Went Sentosa to slack--does tanned people gets tanned more easily? i turned dark even when i stay in the shade the whole day and when the sun was out only at 1pm? gosh..

Surf the net almost everyday

Went out with mummy..

Accompanied daddy to the doc

Shopping and more shopping trips and kbox outings

idol chasing? haha..

giving tuition--what's new?

jogging..swimming--irregular..but i shall try my best!

whatelse? hmmm..

Hmm..after breaking from work since the 13th.. i think it is time for me to reflect on what i have done these weeks so as to better gauge if i am really wasting my youth away..haha. looks like i am not fully maximising my time.. and the things that i want to do are not all done..shall swear to come online less and do more constructive things..

Counting down to 9th july-- a day where ALL nice and fun activities are to take place.. and for me.. i have got to choose.. why cant they be spread out more evenly since i am so free nowadays? Sian!! Cant go for VSA camp as it is going to be a whole day's activities..going to miss the kids and the befrienders..not going for the oac elections cos i am giving tuition in the afternoon..cant go back to grandma's birthday celebration since i have spent money preparing myself to go for EG's concert at the National Indoor Stadium..sorry wai po, wo ren mei dao,dan shi wo de zhu fu he li wu dou hui dao.. and i shall be going for the alumni meeting in the afternoon at yuhua.. hopefully will get to see all if not most of the alumni..

Just another day

2005-06-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

Okie.. i only have 1o mins to type whatever i have to say,cos i will have to pass on to mu younger brother.

Ever since i have quitted from nyp,there is only one word to describe my life--- SLACK. Maybe another word to describe my attitude-- Lazy. I can simply sit down on my bed and stone for as long as half an hour. Record high sia! I do not know why, earlier on this week was a bit of hell..though i should be enjoying myself slacking, i do not know why, but i was ultra moody. Did not feel like doing anything at all. Seriously nothing gets my attention.

Nothing.

It was only these two days that i start to have the mood to go out. I knew i have to, before i go mad. I do not know what was bothering me,but i seriously did not feel good. Now i know how people sink into depression..haha.. for no reason sometimes. Luckily i ran away..from whatever i was unhappy about..

Luckily.

Happy to actually meet up with my ex-colleagues. Watched A lot like love.. a pretty good movie.Felt abit stupid as i was initially against watching this movie.. sorry peeps.. haha.. it was not bad! i enjoyed the show! =)

Maybe due to my short-temperness these days and with the prejudice against her, i openly declared my piss-off-ness today. guess i have never really liked her in the first place, and today, she stepped on my toes. though she can be nice, that is only sometimes.. yup.. shall not bitch anymore.. enough.

dOUbts

2005-06-21T12:58:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. what kind of a person am i? What kind of first impression did i give people who just know me. I am seriously thinking about this issue these few days. It is not that i am very very bothered about how others look at me, but at least, the impression they got of me is important for me to know what signals i am sending out. And whether i realise that i am actually doing so.

Being easy-going is something i start to hate about myself. I realise that when i take the neutral stand for too long a period, i am being taken for granted gradually. And now, i have problems speaking up sometimes. Silence definitely does not mean consent for me now. Maybe it is time that i start to be more assertive, not in the sense of being demanding, but more of getting my point, what i believe across to whomever it concerns. I also don't know when does this pretty submissve nature starts to develop in me. As compared to the Ailin 7 years ago.. there is such a big disparity! Oh gosh..can i be in between? Maybe i should try..starting from today. It is alright to be easy-going, but, not too easy-going!

Whenever we do things, should we always follow our heart? Should we do whatever we feel like doing whenever we want? Even when it might be an impulse? Guess it might be good if i don't think so much.

Hope to see you again.

Holidays are here..finally

2005-06-17T18:17:00.000+08:00

Friday,20th jun, marks the start of my holiday!!haha..Quited from my nyp job on monday and went to volunteer my service for the disabled kids. Though it is a really tired three days..all the befreinders get our share of happiness and joy that simply words cant describe.

Very Special Arts- Tropicana Camp 2005

All the befrienders and camp crew met on monday afternoon. We played some simple ice breaker games to know each other better. I was in octopus and my team-mates consists of Su,Zaki,Guofeng,YiRu,WeiShan and PeiQi.. They are either current or ex nyp students,or smu/nie students..so..people of my age! haha.. Really glad to know them.. But it was a pretty embarrassing start for me during the ice-breaker because we were supposed to carry people and get carried by people to go over to the other side of the hall before we can do the activities.. and so..being the tallest and i supposed biggest gal in the team,i felt so self conscious and really scared to burdened any of my team-mates..just as i was worrying..i was approached by one of my team-mate to be piggy-back! Oh gosh! It was like how many years ago since i was piggy-backed..So paiseh!!!!i hesitated but after some consideration and with some assurance,i decided to give it a try..In the end, the 2 of us went on a trial run before anyone else..and that's when the attention was on us! All befrienders saw me being piggy-backed! gosh..so so so paiseh..nonetheless, i was really thankful to my fren who offered his help.. =)

Other than feeling lucky for what i am and have today,i really really do not know how to describe my feelings towards the kids i met. Jing Kang left the deepest impression among the other kids simply because he showed the most progress in the three days..being one of the kids diagnosed with down syndrome,he changed from someone who was scared of the crowd and befrienders to one who grew attached to us and was willing to be carried by us when we were not the direct befriender assigned to him.

Being a totally normal person, i admit that we will tend to look at these kids from another angle,thinking that there are alot of things that they do not know,will not know or need not know..This camp was really an eye opener for me to get a step closer to their world, to understand the fact that many of them are actually just like us, with only one small element missing/extra in them that result in who they are today. At first, i was still quite apprehensive as to how am i going to handle the kids, but after the camp, i declare that they are not that tough to handle and i love them!! haha..they are really nice and innocent kids who really need our attention and time. To some of us, it might just be a cip camp that helps to clock cip hours, but to them, it was a fun-filled camp that added spices to their lives..i am glad to have went for the camp.

Joel, being the most active in octopus, is one that i love and hate at the same time. He is as stubborn as a mule, but when a need arises, he rise up to the occasion to be a helpful and sensible boy. He brought laughter for most of us. A really cute boy who has

Sarah,other than being abit dreamy sometimes, is a really nice companion and kid to look after. Ever so obedient and soft-spoken. You have got to get closer to her by talking more to her before she will actually open up to you. Her gentleness and innocence really attracts me..

Sammuel, though not from my team, is another cutie who ask me this when i carried him..

"Are you a girl? i like to be with girls"

I really laughed my head off when i heard that.. maybe that explains why he did not gave me much problems during the short time frame i spent with him.

Alana, the girl whom i was taking care of most of the time, is another smart girl who grasp new ideas and concepts really fast. Other than her disability to walk, she is just like any other children we have encountered..able to talk and chat with me freely about anything..enjoyed her company and hope she too..

It is going to be never ending if i continue down the list..in short, i have gained alot from this camp and the kids have really touched my heart..

May i wish that all baby octopus grow up fast and healthy.. and may all the big octopus take care and keep in touch! Really nice to meet you guys.

Last

2005-06-13T10:33:00.000+08:00

Yep, today is my last day of work... last day to be blogging using this com.. think i'll miss my nice collegues who helped me throughout this half a year here.. miss them for the fun and games we have created and made using our creative methods. Good luck to all and hope this leaving will not mark a stop to our friendship. take care!

Sparks 3!

2005-06-13T09:26:00.000+08:00

i jumped out of my bad this morning just to get to work for my last half day. Guess this lethargy and laziness are just part and parcel of the post concert syndrome..though everything had come to a beautiful ending..all was just like a dream to me..i am dying of exhaustion..but with great happiness..ironic, but ya, i am still feeling quite "high".

Before i can feel the time ticking away, it was our turn to go up on stage and tune..the crowd was warm and spontaneous...this simply increase the excitment that was already inside me way before the concert. Smses also kept coming in..really touched by those friends who cant make it but still bother and remember to msg their well wishes :)

So glad that everything went well. From the rehearsal to the actual performance, there was this burning excitement that cant be expressed.. i felt excited that our concert was finally here. Excited that my parents were coming to watch my performance after so many years. Excited that my friends and juniors were coming. Excited that what we have practised are to be played correctly and together. Excited that i want to ensure that everything around me is carried out smoothly. Excited to help all members in whichever way i can. Excited to see ms chan's reaction when she got the presents from us.

Got on the stage finally. The crowd was good.. cos they never fail to heighten my emotions further.. Think the excitment and nervousness got over me..and my bell was somehow blocking my score and everything was so dreamy suddenly. In the end, i ended up as a peeping tom peeping at xinru's score instead of the file i was sharing with xinran. Haha.. felt funny. The alumni concert was well received and i am really really proud of all members.. with special thanks to all the soloists! They rock! They played a major role in bringing the concert to greater heights and moving the crowd to sway with the music. Job well done! =)

Everything ended really quickly..i did not want to get off stage though i knew i have too.. never did i ever realise that i like to perform so much. The satisfaction gained from playing with a good band is really gratifying..Being under the baton of an outstanding conductor is also really rewarding..i love u,alumni band!

All of us reported back to yuhua and watched our own performace's video...satisfied..but i'll still be patiently waiting for the recording that will definitely sound better and clearer..Met up with the rest of the section to go to our usual place for dinner. Really appreciate my section who came all the way to yuhua to wait for us..happy! As usual.. it was a bubbly session and a big family gathering..the kopi tiam trip was more hilarious than our usual ones due to the emergence of a kopi gia in the section.."ah lai" was the phrase of the day.. really funny.. even till now, the line and the many incidents that were associated with the "ah lai, sio", are still fresh in my head. Amused.

Think i am going to miss felix and wenwei if we are to have the next concert. They are really nice and interesting people to have in our section. Felix is talented and crazy.. wenwei is crappy and nice to talk to.. enjoy their company.. and of course, i still have dear xinru ad sin pei..the two who are always there for me..as for the twins.. they have been great juniors too.. only for the fact that they never join us for dinner-- anti-social!

Through sparks 3, i got a chance to know more people and to understand those i have already known better. Found myself a sister! haha.. kai lin! A really nice and cute sister. Bubbly and spontaneous in helping out and doing things. Enjoyed her company alot especiallly during the two shopping trips we had.. thanks sister! Xinran- a really sensible and nice junior to play my pieces with. Straight-forward and cute.. guess girls same age as him or younger might be falling heads and heels over him..haha..have been working with azri and nasser..not to say sin pei and bella..great people who gave me new perspectives about being leaders and functioning of things. Think i am in love with being in the band.. yupz..

Hope to hear good news soon.

2005-06-07T09:21:00.000+08:00

Sore throat! it is coming back-to and fro..making me sick and irritated.
I have been drinking alot of water..guess i need to sleep more..
back to my usual belief-
sleeping is the best medicine most illness

ya ya,action speaks louder than words..
u need sleep then u sleep!
but..

never mind

My mind is not really working. I am tired.. ah! Shall stop grumbling.

Hope that by the next entry, i am feeling better.

emotional

2005-06-06T17:05:00.000+08:00

Wanted to blog.. then a call came in and he pissed me off..rude,uncivilised,illiterate and most importantly,stubborn,rigid and arrogant. in short, an idioit. Please dun dun dun ever let me answer his call again. He managed to push me to my peak in this 6 months. i am on the verge of tearing, but i am not going to cry just like that. Old bore!

I'm counting down to the final day of my work. Due to the pack schedule i am currently having, i am seriously yearning for a break. Seriously, a break where i can stay at home for just one day, without having anything to do specifically. Though i have always wanted a fulfilled and organised life,i am starting to get tired. Maybe it is due to the hot weather that is making me weak and easily tired and that is the reason for this weariness. I have this strong desire for freedom! Free from everything and anything..Sounds really deprived, but ya,i need it.

I think i am getting back to the times when i get emotional and sensitive. Little things can affect my mood drastically. Little things can make me think,ponder and wonder. Little things can help me remisce. Little things can cheer me up. Little things can upset me. Little things can change me..

Empty

2005-06-02T15:05:00.000+08:00

Only a small group of us

a big room with blasting air con..

cold and lethargic

it just seem so empty and

the slow moving clock is not helping!!

Announcement!

2005-05-26T12:22:00.000+08:00

Heyo!! Rv and Yuhua combined alumni band will be having a concert on 12th June 2005, 5pm at Victoria Concert Hall. Those who are free and feel like giving me support, please come ok? Those who can appreciate band music, must come to support as we are really practising hard to give the best for this shot..For those who do not understand or think that you can't appreciate band music, must also come.. because..music is a universal language and i am sure u will have a pleasant evening listening to what we have to present..so, in short, this is a concert not to be missed as a bonus added to this will be the fact that i am performing!! haha..really hope to see friends turning up yea? Tickets are at $12 and $15..Should be pretty affordable for those who are working.. so, please answer to my call and come for the concert k? Hundred and one thanks to all.. Feel free to contact me any time for ticket order!

ill-tempered

2005-05-26T12:15:00.000+08:00

Dun talk to me today. i might just step on your toes. Leave me alone.. reaching my limit.

rainy rainy

2005-05-25T11:07:00.000+08:00

It is such a cold and rainy morning. The sky was completely dark and gloomy when i woke up- such a sad morning. I thought it was 6 in the morning that i collapsed onto my bed again..till my mum came in to wake me up again..only to find me sleep-talking haha.. i thought i was conscious, but to my surprise, i was semi-conscious as i talked rubbishly..haha..

*stupid!*

It is wednesday today--mid-week. By the mid of next month, i will be totally free- free from everything- free from work, free from tuition, free from band practice since we will be taking a short break. Wah, can see i am really going to be free! hahahhaha.. happy and also sad at the same time. Think i will slack..enjoy my last month before school starts by settling some stuff, some thoughts and move on to embrace the next phrase of my life. Shall really take time off to do the things i have been putting off--before everything is too late.. Think i shall take up some part time job in the meantime in order to support my living in the last month before school starts. Shall look for some jobs taht i have never done before, try new things and new environments if i can find.

I miss you-- this "you" is not you but you..not only him but also her..haha, i am trying to be stupid here..i miss school life, i miss times spent with frens in school! Guess i will miss work once school starts.. woman!

in A dAZe THRouGHOut

2005-05-24T11:21:00.000+08:00

Phew, the long weekend flew pass just like that.. i lost track of time and date and day during long weekends. When it is saturday, i will think that it is sunday. And when it is sunday, i will think that it is saturday and there is still time to spend fruitfully..bleah.. blur blur.

Went to RJCO concert to support yj. Realise that for the first time, i am appreciating CO music.haha. Like the string instruments and the er hu soloist really impressed me! zai! In the past, iu have always find CO music loud and there is nothing more than mere loudness and wa wa suo na sounds. Apologises if i am offending anyone, but that was really how i felt in the past. At least for now, i like the string instruments.. nice nice! Went to j8 for dinner at 1130pm and met alexis and daniel who were there to watch star wars III..wanted to watch with them.. but, got to go home especially for the sake that i have a sleepover the next day. Cant be staying out the whole weekends..if not i will be slaughtered! haha

Saturday morning was relaxed without having to give tuition before rushing for band in the afternoon. My slacked morning was disrupted by weizhi( a 14 months old baby) who pinched me awoke at 930am when i slept at 2am on friday..Grrrr.. though tired and disturbed, my unhappiness melted the moment i saw the innocent and cute grin on his face.. he is soooooooo cute! haha..he is my mum's collegue's darling..haha..spent my whole morning with him.. guess we enjoyed each other's company.. so much so that when i went to bath, he started crying out loud.. scare me! (-_-''') In the end, my bath was done in a rush.. with constant shoutings "weizhi,jie jie is here..hush hush.."realise that it can be quite a big headache when babies become attached to you. Nonetheless, he is so so so ke ai! I feel so relaxed and innocent under his influence..hehe

i supposed this intensive band practices are helping me catch up with my long lost skills..good good. at least i do not feel so demoralised after practices these days..yay! With the great guidance of felix, i feel much better playing,individually as well as as a section.. he is so zai! hehe. i really hope that things will turn out smoothly.. jia you band!!!

Met yvonne and wing at serangoon to ton over at yvonne's place. And with this outing, i have come out with the conclusion that yvonne can overthrow wing to be the chairman of sotong sec! haha. Due to last minute crop outs,only me and wing turned up and waited for yvonne at serangoon station at 8pm...waited and waited then our new sotong head messaged to ask us to leave the station via exit c.. obediently, wing and i walked to the bus stop at exit c and waited..then she called to ask where were we as she could not see us anywhere.. and right, we were waiting at different bus stops.. then we heard her say go to exit d as she typed the msg wrongly..feeling exasperated, we dragged ourselves over..and only to realise that she meant exit b.. fine.. then we started walking out of exit b..and ended up at a cross road where we were told to turn right..it was just so lucky of us to be at an exit that branch into two different exits.. and the two different exits will then bring us to turn at the wrong 'right' that we were supposed to turn. All these brought about a blurry night walk around serangoon gardens on an empty stomach.Everything was then compensated by the sumptuous dinner at chomp chomp..wow! haha..so nice! Although only three of us, we ordered hokkien mee,fried tofu,wanton mee,stingray and three really big cups of sugar cane!! haha.. so full that we got to give up wing's craving for chicken wings..must go there again if i can!yay!! With a filled-to-the-brim tummy, we went home for a through-the-night mahjong session.. not too bad playing 3 kakis mahjong..chatted and played at the same time, feel like some taitais.. haha. K.O at around 3 plus, only to find ourselves awakened and sweating profusely as the aircon was auto switched off.

(-_-''') Other than that, i slept like a log for the remaining hours. Had a short badminton game in the morning..haha..to think that beng had actually geked me that section had fun playing..cant really run much with my leg..but think it is on its recovery path..bleah bleah

Here comes the more exciting part of our stayover.. We went to geylang to explore in the region and find the nice food that we have always heard of. Jaime and weiting joined us in this quest. Hoping to see people we do not usually see, we were the ones ended up being seen. bloody hell.. the uncles and men there were SERIOUSLY IRRITATING! god gracious.. regretted going there.. were really being stared from head to toe... i was really, seriously disgusted by the facts of life.. *pi!*

Rushed home to dump my mahjong set before setting off to town to meet my primary school gang.. miss them! haha.. always have endless topics and gossips to share and laugh at..though tired and was experiencing hangover, meeting them somehow managed to make me alive and awake..haha.. went to marche and then took many pictures with funny poses at the youth park. First time that louis is so on about taking photos with so many funny poses.. yay! happiness..

Time always fly when we are having fun.. now that i am back in office.. time is crawling..crawling....

a PrEtTY SHOrt weEK..

2005-05-20T10:25:00.000+08:00

Time flew pass pretty fast this week. In a twikle of an eye, the long weekend is here already!! yay! I realise that weekdays band practices are pretty exciting in the sense that people are seen rushing around..the rather busty environment makes me happy, because i see people,because i sense the urgency in all of us..a really good feeling..Haha..Though we have not perfected our pieces, i have confidence that we will do it really soon! All the way band!

A week without tuition seems so free. Just as it is a break for the kids, it is heaven for me too!Haha..

I went back to nj on wednesday with section to support shuhui's art exhibition. Though small scale in nature,i am deeply moved my shuhui's art pieces. Be it the initial muse for the art work or the subsequent completion and effort injected into the drawings, i can feel the deep emotions expressed through the drawings. "Shuhui, you have succeeded in expressing yourself! i am so proud of you.."Can see that she is really concern about and love her grandfather.

I am disappointed in him. Once again. Maybe what she said is right, he has got more flaws than strengths.sigh.

Looking forward to meet up with se shu jun and cindy..haha!

Saturation

2005-05-16T09:05:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEI MEI!

haha..having hangover after not sleeping on saturday and sleeping for only about 6hours on sunday..i am like a zombie today! god gracious..i want to sleep! haha. The chalet was short, but time was utilised to the maximum especially for me,ade,xinru and xinpei as we hung on throughtout without sleeping..haha..Had a good nice chat over the night.i cant wait for our chalet at the end of the year again..like this kind of gatherings..girls talk,card games and heart to heart sharing.. though bai ka, my arms proved to be still useful when i played the stagnant beach volley when i was to play with minimum movement..yay!haha..now my upper body aching all over..

think i am arriving at a conclusion, finally.

thank You!!!

2005-05-13T08:54:00.000+08:00

"hey senior..thanks for all your help and advice regarding my dilemma..really a big big thanks! Though i have yet to decide what i really want.. the talk with you really makes me think more and your advice are also useful in my consideration! hahah.. though i do not think that you will get to read this.. i must still thank you. You are really a good senior.."

And who is this good senior i am blabbering about? *ta dang* he is...

jinzhan!

haha..after he learnt about my so called problem..

i have been receiving msges from him as he has been asking his frens who are in biz..so helpful!

heheh..so i am kinda touched..haha..

Weekend is round the corner again..but with my bandaged ankle,it is definitely going to hinder my movements..ah! bai ka!!!!!

i dun care, i will still go to chalet. At most i dun go into the water..bleah bleah..

Still got to go back to the sensei tmr..for a change of medicine..for more bitter medication to be consumed. .I wonder why i need to eat medicine when the injured part is my ankle..guess i was too much in pain to actually remember that i should ask them why do i need to take the medicine.Yee..so bitter! Will never ask for syrup for chinese medicine again..think pills are better.

Not feeling really happy these days ..get fed up really easily.. Irritated and frustrated with the things that are happening around me. Irritating people all around. People who are ever so "disturbing" in nature. Looking at them simply gets on my nerves!! weekend..please come soon!Maybe they are not that irritating afterall..just that i am irritated.

Tears are not rolling these days.. it is not as if i like to cry..just that my tears are usually tears of laughter.. for those who knows me well, they'll know that i have active tear glands..if i laugh too whole-heartedly..tears will start rolling..no exaggeration..sometimes i will even feel paiseh cos the tears just keep coming out. So, if you want to judge whether i am leading a happy life, or whether there are things bothering me, measure the amount of tears i shed! hahah.lame.

oh ya..today is FRIDAY THE 13TH! take care everybody.. for me, the day didn't start off well.. cos the LRT train was ultra packed that i was squeezed at the door for the entire trip..and due to the fact that i could not board the LRT i usually take due to the maximum capacity being reached,i missed 2 MRTs that will bring me to work! So..ultra late for work today. Hope as the day passes, things will get better..shopping shopping tonight at the place where i sprained my ankle. bless me! haha.

FEelinG vExed...

2005-05-10T08:52:00.000+08:00

Help me!! Where should i go? i seriously think that i am bad at choosing and making a decision that will concern my future! Gosh..Really caught in between them. i like abit of this and abit of that. Guess i am simply greedy, wanting the best in the world. That's why i am feeling so vexed now as it is impossible for me to be in both of them...realised that i am blabbering on and on.. it is about uni..applied for both nus and ntu biz..got both..now confused as to where i want to go.. bleah.. advice!

POOooor leg

2005-05-04T09:35:00.000+08:00

I sprained my ankle!! What duh.. Really saded and pretty amazed by the way and place i have actually fallen. Practically flew down the steps..Gosh! I feel so handicapped even though it is only the ankle--can understand how wenwei felt-- ('_' "") Just hope to be able to walk easily again..

PlanNIng NeedEd!!

2005-04-27T12:07:00.000+08:00

May day coming..looking forward to the long weekend..as usual..trying my best to organise my time..hopefully i will not screw things up.. frens,do bear with me..i know i am pretty greedy to want to attend almost everything..but that also means that i treasure each and every one of the group outings and want to be there =) One more event to be added to my list is the visit of my cousins from malaysia..want to spend more time hosting them but at the same time,i don't want to cancel my pre-planned activities with my friends. So, i guess i should get my cousins to join us? haha..that is only a thought.. shall see how things go.

I feel that i am treating him quite badly and rudely at ths same time..but i do not mean it,seriously. I shall try to control and hold back my tendency to show attitude. Sorry.

Though i am actually keeping a blog, my writing, or rather phrasing and typing skills do not seem to be getting better. The supposed sentence structures and correct punctuations are significantly absent at the right places. Guilty guilty...

=)

2005-04-21T17:13:00.000+08:00

A call from you to share something will make my day! Whether you know it or not, thanks!

haPpy!!!??

2005-04-20T14:28:00.000+08:00

Puzzled...

Anxious...

Excited...

JOy!!

Indecision now..

Maybe i shouldn't think too much..

It has been what i wanted all along.. shouldn't i be elated to be selected?

Shall continue to ingulge myself in happiness..

no regrets.

Ubin outing

2005-04-18T17:24:00.000+08:00

Mosquito bites are the aftermath and "memories" after yesterday's outing.. Hahah..guess it is the price to pay after one day of fun and heat as well. Woke up early on the cloudy sunday morning..dragged myself out of bed having to have slept only at 2am on saturday..tired tired..but excited to go ubin..guessed that gave me the strength pull myself out of bed. Reached tenah merah at 9.55am.on time! haha..Thought i would be the earliest,but who knows, the moment i stepped out of the station,i saw piglet and cheecheemon sitting on the floor at one corner..all so punctual. Soon, yili and peishan joined us, also punctually at 10am..goodie.Took a bus to the jetty and was rather disturbed by the new image of the jetty as it looks so so commercialised now,with the berth and neatly aligned entrances for the expected tourists.. sigh..really dun want the only non-urbanised singapore land to end up under the hands of urbanisation and commercialisation. Stop engulfing the natural landscapes. The new jetty has no need for boat jumping anymore..the feeling of going ubin is so different now..there are also machines around to check all bags and luggages for people coming back to mainland from ubin. Just like another custom. It simply makes me wonder if it is really inevitable for every place to catch up and improve with all technological advancements? I want ubin to stay like this..

Luckily the jetty over at ubin is still the same old jetty..haha.. much to my relief. haha. At least the change is only limited to mainland singapore. Just hope that the development shall stop there. We still boat jump at ubin jetty..haha. We went to rent bikes the moment we stepped onto the island. Guess wat,the bikes cost only $3 for the whole day! yippee.. Cycled round the island from 11am when the sun is right overhead..haha..so hot but good time for tanning..it was funny to see the 5 of us panting when we were riding upslope..wonder how we endured those crazy rides around the island and how we also managed to “cheong” non-stop up and down the slopes, to and fro from one end to the other end of the island. It must be the office work and the non exercising weeks that weaken our stamina. And even more surprising is the fact that we take five every now and then, how was that possible when we were in oac? We are so slack and lousy now. *diaoz*

After pushing on for a few hours, the few of us finally set our foot at one of the seafood restaurants near the jetty. Heaven! Haha. The seafood was so fresh- the tender meat of the fish, the juicy and crispy baby squids. Yum yum. The meal was sumptuous! With a full stomach, we went to the jetty and were making our way back to mainland when I saw the weird and bored Caucasian again. The moment I see him, the first instinct is to run. It might sound funny, but trust me, he is a freak. I first met him, it as at a road junction and I nearly bum into him. He saw and then shouted “Danger oh danger!!” without paying much attention to him, I slowed down and dismissed the whole incident. But who knows, we just kept meeting him around the island and he made funny noises and comments—mostly to the air particles around him. That made him a freak that is pretty scary. He was like a soul loitering around the island making funny noises. The ultimate thing is that when we were waiting at the jetty, he came to the jetty too. Just when we want to ignore him as much as possible, he walked towards where we were sitting and joined in the little circle we have formed among ourselves. “Shall we go home together?” was what he sang and it just turned all of us away. From that minute, all of us pretended that none of us can understand English. It was pretty obvious that we were to share a boat and to our disgust, when the uncle came on board to collect the money for the ride, he handed him 2 ringgits instead of sing dollars la! He was really trying to be funny because he smiled when the uncle urged for sing dollars and later on, he issued his credit card or something like that la. Crazy fellow. In the end, the uncle can’t be bothered with him and started the boat without him paying, really weird fellow!

The few of us went to Tampines mall after that. It was another crazy trip la. The whole shopping mall was so crowded that the air con can’t be felt at all. The people looked like ants streaming up and down the escalator and I supposed I merged into the crowd too..haha. Nonetheless, it was a big shopping centre enough to satisfy my shopping craze. Ha! If not for the distance I have to travel, I will make another trip there to shop man! Haha..

More people to be added to the list that help to make my day:

1) " i am physically strong, i no need to go for the medical check up right?"
--haha, you need a proof for that la.. even if you think that you are really fit..

2) "Eh, i am coming to the admissions office to hand in my enrolment package, do i need to paste a stamp on the envelope?"
--oh my gosh.. i tried really hard to contain my laughter over the phone.. lolx

NKF show 2
Poor ah di, injured and he didn’t look good too, please get well soon!Kun da and nui nai looked good and I was pretty amused by shu wei, but anyway, great efforts, Singaporeans..

biTS n PiecEs

2005-04-14T11:26:00.000+08:00

Happy to actually see tags from my seniors and meimei..haha. Short and simple notes but ya, pleasures and smiles =) Just a note to dear Sy, i will write you a long long and nice testimonial once i use my home computer to access the net. It is because i have been surfing from my office and friendster cannot be accessed from here cos they blocked the site. Saded. Haven log on to friendster for months. Sigh.

One of my officers just came into the office to say that those who intend to leave early, got to inform them by the middle of next week. It brightens up my day a little, till she added her last line-- hotline excluded. Why why why? sigh.. i know calls will still be coming in, but.. ya, i am getting tired too..hoping to resign earlier to settle down and do some other personal things. Never mind, shall only bring up the topic when the peak period is over.

Lunch time now.. the whole office is quiet except for the continuous ringing of the phones. Driving me crazy. A big big thanks to weiwei for her help during lunch breaks. *huGz*

juSt anothEr dAy wiTh firSt linE

2005-04-13T16:22:00.000+08:00

Tension,stress,white lies,frustrations,irritations,unhappiness,helplessness,cluelessness as well as weariness are the emotions i am feeling right now. Complex aren't they? All mixed and stirred up inside. Can feel the heat and frenzy (if you call it) all around the office. Ranging from the front desk to the different rooms in the whole office. I am sorry if i am constantly bothering you and maybe even to the extent of bugging you for an answer,but i can't help it ya. I am in the most direct form of communication for the anxious applicants out there. I will try my best to do whatever i can,but still,there is only so much i can do as a temp. Hoping to run away,escape from all this even for a few minutes. This makes the toilet on the fourth storey a nice place to visit once in a while.. haha.

Band will be resuming this sat. Being MIA for almost two months,i am actually not looking forward to carry the almost 10kg instru though i miss playing it. Contradictary right? haha,that's life i supposed. Ironic and contradicting.

Looking forward to sunday,not only for the fact that there is no work, but also for the idea of going away from civilisation and urbanisation. Just hope that the sand flies at ubin will not be too friendly in welcoming me.. haha.

In addition, i am already hoping for another rotting session with my rotting gang--mei and ru after our rotting cum tai tai mahjong session. So carefree and relaxing. yippee!

grUmblings

2005-04-12T11:03:00.000+08:00

Tired and sick..both physically and mentally. Think i need a break soon,before the weekend,so that i can recover from this flu or cold whatever you call it. Though i slept alot yesterday,and i actually felt better this morning,i can sense it coming back by now. Hate to be sick, feels so lethargic and heavy headed all the time. Oh man..realy hope to get well soon..Calls keep coming in..thought that with wanying around, the number of calls received per person could be more spread out..but obviously, this is not the case now..I wonder why they must call and ask questions that can be answered by the enrolment guide. They are not only hogging the line, which is ever so hot, but also making us repeat the same easy answers over and over again.. Why can't they READ first????? If the guide is not useful, why did we send them in the first place? You are simply depriving those who needs to call in the chance to get help. Inconsiderate people.

People whom help to make my day

1) When the call is put on hold, they shouted to their friends near them, "hey, the hotline is free right?"
--so what if the call is charged? Are you going to hang up my call? Bleah (-_-''')

2) Those who addressed madam here and madam there in the entire conversation

--haha

3) "oh,where is the admissions office? Eh, is there a guy there who speaks very softly?"
--Sorry..but lolx

4) Heart-felt gratitude and thanks when their problems are solved.

5)Polite parents as well students

Please please please don't grumble on and on about your family problems because i believe you know how to handle them better than me.

aftermath

2005-04-05T11:36:00.000+08:00

hmm..dunno what got into me yesterday..guessed all those around me got affected by me to a certain extent yesterday..feel quite paiseh actually..maybe just mood swings ba..sorry to all whom i gave bad feelings to..dun mean to anyway..

After waking up today..everything is fine once again..looking at everything from another perspective..yep..happy..haha.. Guess this is part of growing up once again..not that i am going to repeat my lines of how growing up makes me think more and see more negative sides to life..i just got to cope with this change..this change in attitude that i am going to adopt towards certain people..the change and growth in me to treasure those who really worth my time and effort..Not to take anyone for granted is also one of the most important..it is always too late for regrets..apologises are not always adequate though they do help abit sometimes. When you apologise,make a sincere one, if not, it is best to remain quiet. Sometimes,it is really inevitable to think that life is hollow and empty with nothing,absolutely nothing to live for. I know i sound really pessimistic,but it is really how one will feel once in a while. After a day's hard work or maybe crazy havoc with friends, you wake up with nothing but another day to repeat itelf. On the brighter note,everyday brings about new experiences and surprises because you never know who you will meet. Yap, i am blabbering again, with no specific thought in mind, just thinking that life can be a meaningless, never ending cycle till the day you die.. haha.

Another day that i am anticipating for time to knock off. Bleah.

Night hike 2005

2005-04-04T14:47:00.000+08:00

A dreamy weekend passed by..a hectic friday night of tuition followed by a seemingly long weekend that makes me forget almost everything about work..Hates this office all of a suddenly. It's cold..literally and figuratively to a certain extent.. whatever that is..it does not matter anymore.

Had a great weekend as i met up with my fellow oac pals to crash our juniors night hike..felt so so excited as it has been so long ever since the last time i trekked and felt the wee and silent hours of singapore.. haha..met most of the seniors at yishun mrt at 2145 on sat before we set off to lower pierce reservoir to start trekking.. Walked through the dark forest and gripped our way through the slippery and wet foilage..exciting sia. not that we have not tried it before.. just that the entire experience once again after so many months simply made it enjoyable and not tiring.. i supposed it was the slower and more relaxed pace as super seniors participating in the hike that made the journey more enjoyable than before. Managed to catch up with one another too.. yipee! Despite the slower pace we have taken, we managed to reach KAP at around 4 plus..took a really short nap and decided to walk home accompanied by weimin,cheemin,shiyun and huizhen at around 5am.. took us about an hour to reach bp..wah..really tired by then..went home for a bath before setting off to lim chu kang with my family to sao mu for my grandma..really tired but glad to tahan till 11 plus before i collapsed onto my bed...i slept all the way till 2 plus when i confirmed with hf that we wun be going out due to the rain..after which..i sank into deep sleep again..all the way till dinner time..haha..piggy..but cant be help it after missing one night's sleep. That goes my sunday and i am back to work once again today..yup..cant wait for it to end so that i can go home.. time,please fly!

Attitude!

2005-03-29T11:07:00.000+08:00

Attitude is really the thing that really matters! No matter how good you look,how intelligent you are or how high the authority you are in! Whoever you are, with a bad attitude,nobody will respect you. Being loud does not mean that you are right,it also doesn't reflect efficiency,it simply reflects your personality. Sad to say,this kind of personality is bad,is one that i despise and hope to stay away from. By looking at you,i am learning and hoping that in future, if there is a chance for me to lead,i will not be like you.Though i don't have a perfect attitude,at least i know that mine is not a bad one. Being in the last year of my teenage years,i am starting to see the changes in me-- in terms of views and perception.Every little thing i witness will spark off chain reactions in my mind and if possible.. i will pen it here. Yup..that's all i got to say.

Love-hate relations

2005-03-29T08:59:00.000+08:00

Went to work alone today cos wing is not feeling well..i was listening to Lee hom's album and thoughts began to fill up my blur and empty mind..When i heard 'forever love', i wonder if there will really be such a devoted lover living on this planet..is there really forever love in this world? Though really sweet and touching in its entirty,it seem so impossible and hard to get such love..Still remember that in my lit classes back in nj..we often discuss how love and hate are closely linked and related to each other..To most people, love is the direct opposite of hatred and vice versa..however, in actual fact, love and hate come together..if there is love,there will be hatred..sounds like i am sprouting nonsense right? But think..when you are in love with someone..does that mean that you really really love every single thing about him?Isn't there anything he does that you don't agree with and find it hard to comprehend?The more you love that someone..the more you will hate him when things go wrong because you will be so puzzled and confused as to why dun he understand..Love and hatred are both emotions..if you love someone..it is pretty obvious that you have feelings for him..but when you hate someone,you will think that you want to have nothing to do with this person..but never did you realise that it is actually when you care about that someone then you will hold such anger and dislike against him..it takes alot more energy and strength to hate and dislike someone as compared to the energy to love and like someone..it is only when you feel something(not limited to lovers ya) for that person then you will be bothered and affected by their actions..so..hatred actually comes with love and care..so..in future,when you think that you hate someone..think again.. is that person really worth the time and effort? if they are worth the effort,you will realise that you don't really hate them..but if they are not worth it..you should just leave them alone and don't even be bothered about them..With that..you might find yourself a happier person!

LOng WeekenD.. YIPpee!!

2005-03-24T09:03:00.000+08:00

Yo ho.. so happy that today is the last day of work for this week! Tomorrow is good friday..so it is a happy day!!cos it is a holiday! haha.. i sound like i am going crazy..but i feel really good cos can rest le..i have registered with the two unis..the third one i am still considering..be it really vibrant and fun and nice..i am holding back cos i have no confidence to study under that kind of environment..too "on" for me.. see how ba..any advice for me,readers? i miss school life..badly.. dun feel like working le..it has become a routine that it is nothing but a procedure to pull through each day..answering calls have become something natural and automatic..yee..so robotic! School..whoever you are..start soon! haha..

By the way.. i am still experiencing the hangover after seeing wang lee hom on sunday!! haha.. he is really really very shuai! Tall also..idol!! ideal height!! haha.. he shall be the model height for my search..haha.. features wise..i not so particular..cos it is impossible to find another person who is as good..haha..though i saw a lee hom lookalike at bugis.. i think he is one of the rare breed..haha.. okie..enough of day dreaming...

Looking forward to meet section tmr!